Pain, Death, and Losing You
by funnygirlOoObroadwaybaby
Summary: Lisbon has a secret that she's hiding from everyone. Can she trust anyone, or will she have to go through it alone? What happens when one by one, people begin to find out? JISBON! Rated T just in case, not really bad though
1. Chapter 1

**Hello my faithful readers! I'm back, and hopefully here to stay! I promise I have not given up on my other stories, I just go in and out of inspiration all of the time, but I promise I will continue the others soon! But for now, this is my latest idea, one I am excited about, as I have a lot of research cut out for myself (which for some reason, being the dork I am, ends up being one of my favourite parts of writing :D). I would especially appreciate reviews, as they always trigger my inspiration to fly :)**

**I would like to quickly take a moment and thank my friend Keira for helping me out with this chapter and proof reading it for me and what not. Thanks a bunch, hun, it means a lot to me that you liked it! :D**

**Now, before I go on rambling forever, I'd like to quickly say that I've gotten ADDICTED to reading Mentalist FFs, so if any of you have recommendations of fics I should read, whether they are your own or ones you've liked, please shoot me a private message and let me know, because I'd be glad to read ANYTHING! :D Anywho, thanks a bunch everyone who reads, and please enjoy! :D**

Disclaimer- You know, I've read a lot of witty disclaimers where I always think "hahaha, now why didn't I think of that?" and I'd like to say good job to all of you people who come up with those hysterical ones, they really make my day :)

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**Pain, Death, and Losing You**

Lisbon sat alone in the kitchen in the CBI Headquarters. It was three in the morning, an unusual time for anyone to be there, but not an unusual time for Teresa Lisbon. She had been working until she fell asleep at her desk around one, only to have woken up again ten minutes before three due to a shooting pain in her neck from the uncomfortable position. Now, she was waiting for her coffee to brew. It would be at least another two hours before anyone else showed up, and it would be worthless to go home now, as she'd have to be back in a few hours anyway. She figured she could get in a few hours of peaceful working until everyone else got there. Although, she'd have to do as much work as she could to get the giant pile of paperwork off her desk before Jane showed up. He was more distracting than anything she had ever seen before, and she never got any work done with him around.

The loud beeping of the coffee machine brought her back from her thoughts. She stood abruptly, wincing at a strange pain in her chest as she took a breath in. _Must have been from the way I slept,_ she thought, continuing to the coffee pot. She lifted her travel mug from the sink, where she had just washed it, and poured the new, hot coffee inside. She took a sip of the plain black coffee, letting the bitterness wake her even more. She poured creamer and some sugar into it before leaving the kitchen.

She began to walk towards her office, stopping and resting her hand on Van Pelt's desk chair as the office seemed to begin to spin around her. _I really need to wake up. _She waited for the spinning sensation to stop before continuing into the dark room. She flicked on the light, allowing her eyes to adjust before setting her coffee down at her desk. Her heavy eyelids dared to close, but she fought, having the sudden idea on how to wake herself up more. She walked to the bathroom and stood over the sink while she splashed cold water over her face. She felt better instantly, drying off with a paper towel and then going back to her office to do more work.

Lisbon finally sat back down in her desk chair, pulling herself closer to the desk and reaching for a case file. She began to do work, paper after paper, case after case. It was soon five o'clock and she heard the elevator ding as the first person arrived. Stopping for a moment, she reached into her bag and grabbed a hair brush, quickly throwing her hair into a pony tail. She looked like shit, and she felt like shit, but hopefully no one would notice. Or even if they did, hopefully they wouldn't make a big deal. Who was she kidding, she worked with Patrick Jane. Maybe this _one_ time, Jane would show some compassion and understanding.

Or maybe she could just throw on some makeup before he got there.

OoO

Everyone had gotten there around 5:30, and Lisbon was fully makeup-_ed_ by the time Jane arrived. She was surprised he hadn't noticed her greasy hair or the dark circles under her eyes. Or if he had noticed, she was surprised he didn't say anything about it. But the day went on, and Lisbon finished all of her paper work by twelve. The day was calm, nothing going on and no cases in progress; the last one being solved, thanks to Jane, in under two days. Lisbon looked out her office window at the other members of her team. Cho sat at his desk, leaning back comfortably in his chair with his nose stuck in his newest book. Rigsby and Van Pelt were talking and eating their lunch at the table in the bull pen used for their meetings. She was in a whole other room, and even from there, she could tell they were flirting. Lisbon was almost sure nothing would come of it, due to Van Pelts latest relationship with the FBI agent O'Loughlin. Although, a deep part of her wished things had worked out for the two young agents, as Lisbon could tell they were truly (and maybe still are) in love.

Lisbon turned her attention to her lazy consultant who was sleeping peacefully on his couch. She watched his chest rise and fall, and suddenly yearned for the peaceful sleep he obviously was enjoying. She turned her head away, as the mere sight was making herself drowsy. She picked up her coffee mug and brought it to her lips, attempting to get one last sip from her fourth cup since three that morning. No such luck. She closed the last Manila folder she had been working on (and finished, thanks to the peace and quiet of her office) and stood, mug in hand. As she left her office, her teams eye fell on her.

"Nice to finally see you taking a break." Cho stated from behind his book.

"I'm not taking a break, I finished." she released a relieved sigh as she progressed to the kitchenette.

"Boss," Van Pelt said as Lisbon re-entered the room with her fifth coffee in hand, "you were here before all of us, even Jane. How long have you been here?"

Lisbon took a minute before conjuring up a good- no, not a lie, she just left out part of the truth. "I was working at five." _but I started working at three after taking a quick break from one to two fifty._

"Your lying. I can hear it in your voice." Jane's eyes remained closed as he spoke.

"I am not." she scoffed.

"You were here much earlier than five. I mean, you're even wearing the same clothes from yesterday." his eyes were still closed as he made the correct assumption. He had barely seen her all morning, how had he known?

_Shit, I forgot about that,_ she thought, angry at herself for having overlooked such a detail. "Just, lay off okay?" she said with her normal 'bite me' tone and stormed into her office. Usually she never would have been that touchy. But something about today had just made her feel weird. The weird pain in her chest that morning, the room spinning, the gross feeling she had all over from not being clean, the hour and fifty minutes of sleep she had gotten. Everything just made her grumpy.

Hastily, she packed up her bag and threw on her jacket. "I'm going home to take a shower." she called over her shoulder, "Call me if anything happens." She'd only be gone for a few minutes, nothing important would happen.

OoO

Lisbon has gotten home fairly quicker than most days and stepped into her shower right away. The warmth and steam helped sooth her quick temper and helped open her airways, which had seemed to get tighter and tighter as she became more and more tense. She stood for five minutes in the first relaxed moment she had allowed herself in months before continuing on and finishing her shower. As she washed her hair, however, she felt her chest tighten and it became gradually more painful. Although, it wasn't too intense, she waited for it to stop before she began to think about what could have caused the abnormal feeling. _Maybe it's from how I slept. Or the **lack of** sleep. _She stood, finished rinsing her hair and turned the shower off, now setting out to find a nice, hot cup of _anything_ and use the last moments she had in her home to relax without Jane by her side to badger her.

She had just stepped out of the shower when her phone began to ring. Wrapping a towel around herself quickly, she ran out of the bathroom to search for her cell phone. Finally finding it on the floor in her pants pocket, she answered it right away.

"Lisbon." she sat on the bed, pulling the towel tighter around herself to block the draft of air she began to feel.

"Hey, Boss, we got a case. Wanna meet us at the crime scene? We're about to leave now." Van Pelt spoke wearily, careful not to say anything that would aggravate her boss who was already not in such a good mood.

"Ya, I'll meet you guys there. Just text me the directions so I have them for the ride."

"Sure thing." Lisbon could hear the clicking of keys on Van Pelt's phone before she came back to the conversation, "Alright, I've sent them. We'll see you in a bit, then."

"Thanks, bye." she hung up and searched for the text, finally finding it and saving the directions to the GPS in her phone. She got dressed and was soon downstairs in her kitchen waiting for her tea to brew, hoping the tea would help her chest feel less tense than the coffee. She finally poured the hot tea into another travel mug and placed her first one in the sink. Lisbon gave one last sigh before leaving out into what appeared to be another stressful day.

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**Soooooo, thoughts? Ideas? Guesses? Suggestions? I'm not kidding when I say I'd appreciate anything in a review :) I hope you all enjoyed it! :D**

**-Devon xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yay! Chapter 2! I hope everyone enjoys this and leaves plenty of reviews! I'd like to take a moment to thank Country2776, Jisbon4ever, Famous4it, Eve, lysjelonken, LAurore, Koezh, and Katelyn for reviewing my first chapter and I hope to be hearing your feedback on this chapter as well! This took me two days to write, but I am very proud of it and am excited to see what everyone else thinks. It is the longest chapter I have ever written, also. Just throwing that out there :) Anyway, PLEASE read, review, and enjoy!**

**-Devon**

_Disclaimer- Don't own the Mentalist or it's characters, Novak's name belongs to my Dad because he made it up and Ronald's name belongs to a random name generator I found on the internet. :) Thanks :)_

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Chapter 2

The first quiet car ride she had taken to a crime scene in a long time occurred that morning; the first car ride without Jane. Although the peace and quiet of the empty car was nice for a change, it felt strange not driving with Jane. Lisbon had left directly from her house so Jane grabbed a ride with the rest of the team. She couldn't wait for this day to be over, a new case was all she needed. She could already picture how the day would end; they'd do all they could on the case that day and then she'd go home and jump into bed with a new book. That would be perfect. _Ya_, she thought, _sure_.

She soon pulled down a long, private, paved road. The trees cloaked over the road, giving it an eery feeling the further she drove into it. She couldn't see past the trees that lined the road, and she didn't see anything else until she arrived at the end. Recognizing her team's SUV, she pulled beside it and got out, grabbing her gun and sliding it into her holster- just in case.

She walked to the front door, and as she opened it, the smell of blood overtook her senses. She covered her nose with her hand as she walked through the house. She could hear Cho talking to the team. He was so reliable when she wasn't around, he took charge and was a great leader. If anything were ever to happen to her, she wouldn't want anyone but him to take her place.

They soon came into sight, each giving their own hello to their boss before they got down to business. Van Pelt filled her in on the situation and explained that the body of a billionaire had been found under his bed by his wife when she began to notice a strange smell. He had many enemies so they had many suspects, and a lot of work. The first thing they'd do is take a look at the scene and then question the wife.

"Where's Jane?" Lisbon looked around for her missing consultant.

"I guess he must have gone upstairs already." said Van Pelt, just now realizing the absence of their 5th team member.

"Shit." Lisbon whispered under her breath. She prayed to God that Jane hadn't caused any trouble. Why hadn't the team kept an eye on him, didn't they realize that you need to do that with Jane or it's Lisbon who ends up with massive amounts of complaints and paper work? They all headed up the marble stair case and followed the police tape that lined the wall. Lisbon was the first to step inside the bedroom, the smell of blood 100% intensified from downstairs. She coughed to get the disgusting smell out of her senses. Van Pelt was next, the smell way too intense for her as she swooped right back out of the room with her nose pinched. Rigsby went with her, shouting something about how they'd go start talking to the wife. Cho didn't seem affected by the smell, and he continued into the room with the same facial expression he usually wore.

Jane was squatted next to the body, examining it from every angle and perspective possible. He did his usual routine as Lisbon looked at the victim for the first time. His clothes were completely crimson coloured; so much that you couldn't tell exactly where the wound was without peeling his clothes off. His grey hair was matted at the top of his head, making her wonder how long he had actually been under the bed. His pale white skin looked drained, as if all that was left was just his skin. Nothing underneath. He had obviously bled out, she realized, as she looked at the giant stain on the floor under where the bed had been. The more she looked, and smelled, the more sick she felt. It was odd, nothing like this would usually affect her this much, but, something about today made her feel completely and utterly nauseous.

"So what do u think?" she asked Jane, kneeling down beside him.

"Eh."

"Eh? Eh what?"

Jane took a moment, but then stood, brushing himself off, "It's not that interesting." he shrugged and began to walk out.

"Jane," she called after him, "Jane!" he kept walking. She mumbled to herself, cursing him under her breath, and she stood and walked out the door behind him.

Cho was talking to Van Pelt and Rigsby in the hallway when she and Jane joined them.

"Seeing as Jane finds the information he has just gathered to be 'uninteresting' and he would not care to share what he has observed," she interrupted them, "why don't you tell us something that might be able to help us with the case."

"Well," Rigsby began cautiously, "the widow told us about a possible lead. Its the victim's old business partner. His name is," Rigsby looked through his notepad, "Peter Novak."

"Alright, let's check him out." she said. "Let's just have everyone come, it won't take long. I'll meet you guys there."

Everyone parted ways once they arrived outside, Lisbon getting into her car and the team getting into the SUV. Once inside her car, Lisbon put her head back. Jane infuriated her so much sometimes that he just became unbearable. _Why couldn't he just behave like a normal human being for **once** in his life, and not have to make it his life-time goal to piss me off as much as he can!_ After a few deep breaths and the sound of the SUV's wheels rolling away, she sat up and started her car. She followed her team all the way to the other side of town, to another gorgeous-looking house. It was huge, four floors high. Lisbon was the first to the door, ringing the bell and knocking.

"Mr. Novak? Open up, CBI." she announced through the door, and soon a tall, well groomed man opened the door and looked down on little 5'4" Lisbon.

"Yes?"

"May we come in? We have a couple questions to ask you about your old business partner, Ronald Thompson." as she spoke, Jane slid inside the house. She could just smack him.

"Yes, of coarse." Novak opened the door to the agents and they all walked inside. "Please, sit down." he motioned to the couch. As Cho, Van Pelt, and Rigsby sat down, Lisbon realized the sudden absence of Jane.

"I'll just go make sure Jane isn't getting into anything." she said to Cho, "Begin questioning him, I'll be back in a few minutes."

Lisbon found Jane in the kitchen, making himself a cup of tea.

"Hi Lisbon, tea?" he offered with a smirk on his face.

"Jane, get the hell out of here; put everything back." she ordered. "This is the type of stuff that gets me in trouble."

"Come on Lisbon, it's just tea."

"Jane-" she was cut off by a strange feeling in her throat. She coughed, the tickle from deep in her throat settling. "Get. Out. There. Now."

"Hey, that didn't sound so good, are you ok?" he asked, stepping towards her.

"Do not touch me. Go. Out. Now." she barked, her eyes filled with anger and annoyance. He walked out of the kitchen without another word. As soon as he left though, she began to cough again, and more intensely this time. It felt as if she had something stuck in her throat that she was trying to get up. The more she coughed, the more scared she got. What was wrong with her? She grabbed a tissue from the tissue box on the counter and used it to cover her mouth. Soon, her coughing fit had died down, and it felt like what ever she had been trying to cough up was now onto the tissue. She had thought she was getting sick, it was probably some built up mucus from the back of her throat. But what she saw when she looked into the tissue was not what she expected. What she saw was red, and resembled blood all too much. She quickly balled up the tissue and threw it into the trash can. It was nothing to worry about. It was just that one time. It's not like she was hunched over a toilet throwing up massive amounts of blood. It was just a little...

Van Pelt poked her head in the door, "Hey boss, you ok?"

"Ya I'm fine." she said, walking with Van Pelt back to the living room. "What'd you guys find out?"

"He's got a perfect alibi: he's been out of the country for weeks, just got back yesterday. He's got his plane ticket and about 30 witnesses to prove it. Our victim has obviously been dead for at least a week now, it couldn't have been Novak." Van Pelt explained. Cho and Rigsby were talking to each other and Jane was talking to Mr. Novak. They seemed to be okay, for now.

"So where do we go from here?" she asked as they stopped beside Cho.

"Dead end, for now. We'll talk to the wife again later and ask her who else might have wanted to harm her husband." he answered.

"Alright. Well, for now, we'll head back to headquarters and do a background check on the victim, see if he's been in any trouble in the past with anyone. Then we'll go from there." her thoughts were interrupted from a holler at the opposite end of the room. The agents spun around just in time to see Novak take a swing at Jane, missing him as Jane ducked down and backed away.

"Bastard! How dare you accuse me of something like that?" Novak yelled, chasing after him, "Get out, all of you!" he shouted, throwing open the door.

"I'm sorry Mr. Novak for anything my consultant has said to you, but-" Lisbon tried.

"Get out! The only way you'll be talking to me from now on is through my lawyer!" with that, the door was slammed in her face. Cho, Rigsby, and Van Pelt watched in horror as Lisbon turned to face Jane.

"What the hell did you say to him?" she yelled, advancing on him in a way that spooked him, and he answered as he jumped back.

"I was just trying to see if my idea was right." he said.

"What idea?"

"I thought that when we spoke to the wife, she didn't seem as upset as she should, like she was hiding something. So when she said that Novak might have been our man, I suspected she _herself_ had a problem with him- maybe an affair gone wrong. So I asked him, and he didn't like that much."

"You think? Jane, how the hell are we going to get any information out of him now?" her fiery eyes burned through his skull as she scolded him, "How could you be _any more_ idiotic?" as her temper built, another coughing fit took over her body. She tried to continue, "Do you know... how much paper work... I'm going to have once Hightower finds out about this?" the coughing began to get so bad she couldn't speak any more. She covered her mouth with her arm and coughed into her elbow.

"Boss, you okay?" Rigsby was by her side now, trying to find out what was wrong. Lisbon shook her head no as more and more blood made it's way onto her sleeve.

"Oh my god." the panic in Van Pelt's voice was poorly hidden as she caught sight of the crimson liquid that gathered on Lisbon's sleeve.

"Someone call 911." Rigsby voice shook as he held his boss up as she continued to heave over.

Lisbon's heart was beating 100 times a second, her vision was blurry and her head was pounding. What the hell was wrong with her? Why couldn't she stop coughing? Jane had whipped out his cellphone and he was now giving the address and explaining the situation to the operator on the other end of the line.

"Yes, we are on 30 Mabel-Grove Street and we've got a CBI agent coughing up blood." he tried to speak calmly but every time he turned to look at Lisbon, his mind raced. What would happen to her? Why was this happening? What was going on?

The coughing quickly subsided in a matter of seconds by the time Jane was off the phone and it was replaced by a wheezing sound, sounding as if she had something in her throat that was blocking any air from getting in. She tried and tried to breath but it was no use, nothing was happening. She felt Rigsby's strong arms supporting her up and she could barely make out Cho and Jane near the road looking for the ambulance. The more breaths she tried to take, the more tired she became. She felt her legs buckle from beneath her, and Rigsby lowered her slowly to the ground. Her vision became one giant blob, and all she could hear was the pounding of her own head and the slight sound of ambulance sirens in the background. Her eyelids felt like they weighed 500 pounds, but she fought to keep them open, to keep her consciousness. But as time passed- seconds, minutes- she slowly lost the fight. After attempting one last breath in a hope of a miracle, and coming up unsuccessful, Lisbon quietly let herself drift into pure darkness. And she didn't feel anything anymore.

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**CLIFFHANGER :)**

**I hope you guys enjoyed it! The next chapter will begin getting into the plot line a bit more! Thanks for reading! Now please hit that little tempting button at the bottom that says "Review" and type what you thought about the chapter into it! And then press the submit button! :) Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm so tired it's hard to keep my eyes open, here at 1:05 am. BUT, I stayed up and finished writing/editing because I felt it had been too long since my last update. So you better like it ;) Anyway, please leave a review! Hope everyone is enjoying it and this chapter answers some of your questions!**

**Thanks to Jisbon4ever, MJ2387, luvlit19, MissNitaGirl, Lisbon94, Heartwing, Amy, Koezh, Iris, jorja, Liv, and Katelyn for reviewing my last chapter! Each review means so much to me, thanks to all of you! :D**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

_Disclaimer- don't own it. Just the story idea. Yup. Thanks. Bed time now. Bye. Love, me. *Zzzzzzzzz_

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Chapter 3

By the time they reached the hospital, the paramedics had cleared her throat and she was breathing again. Unfortunately, she had woken up as they were trying to put the tube down her throat and, not knowing what was going on, she began to protest, wriggling her body and screaming. One paramedic quickly gave her a sedative while another held her down.

While they pushed the stretcher into the hospital, Lisbon lay there with her eyes closed and her body shook. Why couldn't she figure out what was going on? What was happening to her? Why was she there? These questions ran through her head at extreme speed. While she wished she had someone there with her, she also was grateful that her team had not been there, she didn't want them to see her like that. But, where was the team? Were they there when all this happened, and if they were, why didn't they come? Did they really just send her off in an ambulance and not come with her?

She was soon hoisted onto a hospital bed, and although she protested that she was fine, the doctors still insisted on doing multiple amounts of tests on her, just in case. After they checked to see her pulse was okay and her breathing was back to normal, one doctor explained to her that they would need her to get into a hospital gown and they had a nurse that would help her. A kind faced woman walked in as if on cue. She was maybe half a foot taller than Lisbon and she had dark blonde hair with darker streaks within it.

"Hi, I'm Nurse Abbey." she said sweetly.

"We'll be back when you finish." the doctor said before leaving the room.

Lisbon sat still, her eyes examining the room nervously. She didn't like this. She didn't like this at all. She wanted someone to be with her, to hold her hand. Deep down she knew who she wanted, she wanted her mother.

"Alright, let's get your jacket off," Abbey walked towards her but Lisbon flinched back and Abbey stopped. "It's alright, Ms Lisbon. We just need to get you into a hospital gown so we can run some tests."

"I can do it." Lisbon said, sliding one arm out of her sleeve. As she began to take the other one off, however, she saw the large, red stain that seemed to run down her sleeve. Her eyes widened and she froze for a moment. _"Boss, you okay?" Rigsby was by her side now, trying to find out what was wrong. Lisbon shook her head no as more and more blood made it's way onto her sleeve._ The memory flooded back to Lisbon, but she shook it away as she finished taking off her jacket, and then her shirt. Nurse Abbey helped her slip a hospital gown over her head and soon left to find the doctor. _Her vision became one giant blob, and all she could hear was the pounding of her own head and the slight sound of ambulance sirens in the background._ Lisbon's heart began to pound faster at the mere memory of the terrifying events from that morning, but the memory quickly vanished as an annoying beeping sound began to beep faster and faster. She turned to see her heart monitor they had hooked her up to pulsing incredibly fast and soon her doctor rushed into the room.

"Ms Lisbon, you have to stay calm," he said as he walked over to her and checked her pulse. Lisbon didn't say anything but in stead sat silently while he took a blood sample to run a test on. "Just in case." he had told her before leaving. She was sitting alone, again. Why wasn't anyone telling her what exactly happened? Isn't that necessary information for a patient to have? And, again she wondered where her team was. They must have gone back to headquarters. Maybe Hightower wouldn't let them come. That was probably it, they all wanted to come but Hightower made them go back. But, sense when does Jane listen to what Hightower says? Her thoughts were interrupted again by the door opening. It was Nurse Abbey again, this time coming with a clip board in hand.

"Hello again Ms Lisbon," Abbey pulled up a chair beside Lisbon's bed. "I'm here to inform you about a few things."

"Like what happened?" Lisbon continued to stare forward.

Abbey took a moment before responding, "Do you not remember?" the concern was audible in her voice and Lisbon began to get nervous again. Was she supposed to remember?

"Not everything. Just bits and pieces."

"Alright," Nurse Abbey jotted down a quick note on her clip board, obviously a reminder to talk to the doctor about Lisbon's memory loss. "Well," she put down her pen and clipboard in her lap and looked Lisbon in the eyes, "You had begun to cough forcibly outside of a suspects home after speaking with him. Your colleagues say that you were upset at something, but were then unable to speak as you started to cough." _"Jane, how the hell are we going to get any information out of him now?" her fiery eyes burned through his skull as she scolded him, "How could you be any more idiotic?"_ The memory came back to Lisbon and she nodded her head. Abbey continued.

"They said that you began to cough up blood, and by the time you had stopped coughing you had coughed up a considerably large amount. Then you stopped breathing and passed out. The paramedics found that the blood had clotted in your throat, creating a barricade of sorts, and you were unable to breath any more, falling unconscious. Now they say that they could not find any internal bleeding and it may be pneumonia or tuberculosis but we need to run tests. First I have to ask you a couple questions about your family's health history."

Abbey rattled off questions and Lisbon answered them to the best of her ability. They were soon done and Abbey stood to leave, turning towards the door as echoes of "Sr. you can't go in there!" began from just outside, and the door flung open to reveal a distraught, blonde haired man.

"Lisbon!" he said, racing to her bedside.

"Sr, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Nurse Abbey's voice sounded in the background, but neither cared. He was there. Her team didn't leave her. Or, Jane didn't leave her, anyway.

"You're here!" she smiled slightly looking up at him, her statement coming out more of a whisper to herself than an announcement to the room.

"Why wouldn't we be? The whole team is out in the waiting room, but we haven't been told anything so I needed to come and make sure you were okay." the 'haven't been told anything' was directed more towards the nurse and her doctor at the door, but the rest was spoken right at her as he looked into her big, round eyes.

"I'm fine," she nodded assuring him, but the doctor stepping in before Jane could speak again.

"Yes, we hope she is, but we need to run another test before we know for sure. And we can not run another test with you in the room, so would you please leave?" the doctor took Jane by the shoulders and led him to the door.

"Doctor," Lisbon caught his attention before he pushed Jane completely out of the room. "any information you find out about me, I want you to inform my team. They're my family." she said, the boss in her making its way back into her voice.

"Yes ma'am." he said, nodding his head and leading Jane the rest of the way out. Once they were gone, Abbey looked back at her.

"He's a keeper." she smiled cheekily and followed in the direction of the doctor.

What did she mean by that? Did it look like we were _together_? A smile creeped across her face as she chuckled at the thought. She and Jane, a _couple_. How absurd.

OoO

In the mean time, Lisbon was taken to get a chest X-ray. Her doctor also informed her that her slight memory loss might have been from the lack of air she received when she fell unconscious and that it was nothing to worry about. Soon they brought her back to her room, saying they would come back with the results as soon as possible.

As Lisbon waited for the doctor to come back with the results of her blood test, she snatched her phone off the table that held her clothes and checked her messages. There was one missed call from Hightower, but that was from early that morning. Just moments after she picked up her phone, however, it vibrated and alerted her that she had a new text message- from Jane. She smiled as she opened it, and they began to talk until her doctor came back with the results.

**Jane (4:32 pm)- **Hey! You're not supposed to have ur phone, naughty ;)

**Lisbon (4:32 pm)-** How'd u know I had my phone? Are you watching me?

**Jane (4:32 pm)-** I'm psychic, remember? ;) Anyway, how ya holding up?

**Lisbon (4:33 pm)-** I'm ok, but I'm going mad waiting for him to come back with those results. I just wanna get out of here.

**Jane (4:34 pm)-** Ya, I hear ya. I'm sitting in here all alone, well, almost all alone. Cho's here but he doesn't wanna talk or play games or anything, and Van Pelt and Rigsby went to get coffee.

**Lisbon (4:34 pm)-** I wanna thank you guys for all being here, but you know you can all go now, right? I'm fine, he's just gotta clear me and then I'll be out.

**Jane (4:34 pm)-** I'm not leaving until you do

**Lisbon (4:45 pm)-** no, really, just head out, I'll meet you guys at headquarters when I'm out.

**Jane (4:35 pm)-** you sure?

**Lisbon (4:36 pm)-** ya, I'll call you to let you know, but I can hear the doctor coming, I'll see you later

**Jane (4:36 pm)-** alright, I'll see u at HQ :)

Lisbon quickly threw her phone back in the pile of clothes on the table and slipped back into bed just before her doctor and Nurse Abbey walked through the door. The look on the doctors face was unreadable, but Abbey's face look sympathetic. They didn't have bad news, did they?

"Hi Ms Lisbon, how are you feeling?" the doctor sat at the edge of her bed.

"_Agent_ Lisbon," she corrected him, "and I'm alright."

"Ah, Agent. Well, we have the results of your test and your x-ray, but there is something we'd like to talk to you about before you leave." Lisbon eyed her doctor. What exactly did he have to say that was this important? "In your x-ray," he held up a copy from his clip board, "do you see this, almost paint-blob looking thing, right here?" he circled a big blob of white on the x-ray of her left lung.

"Yes." she nodded, still unsure where he was going with this, but she didn't have a good feeling about it.

"Well, this is an abnormal growth of cells, also known as a tumor." _Tumor_? Lisbon wondered if she had heard her doctor correctly. Tumors is what you had if you had cancer. And she couldn't have cancer. Why would she have lung cancer? She didn't smoke! So of coarse it was just a mistake. It had to be. "We need to schedule a day for you to come back so we can preform a lung biopsy. Using the needle lung biopsy, we will be able to get a sample of your lung tissue and test it for cancerous cells. For the 12 hours before this procedure, you should not eat or drink anything, you..."

Her doctor's voice faded away. Cancer. He thought she had cancer. Where would she even get lung cancer? The only person in her family who ever had cancer was her great grandmother, and she didn't have lung cancer, she had breast cancer. What would she do if she _had_ cancer? Would she still be able to work? How would she take care of herself? How was she going to pay for everything?

"Ms- Agent Lisbon?" the doctor corrected himself and brought her back from her thoughts. "Did you hear me?"

"I... I just missed that last part." she stuttered.

"Well, I explained how a lung biopsy works. What we will do is sedate you enough that you wont feel a lot of pain, but you will still be awake during the procedure. We will locate the spot on your lung where we need to collect the sample from and cleanse and numb it. We will then make a very small incision into your skin and insert the needle, collecting all the tissue samples we need from your lung. It will be quick and easy, and for the most part painless. Once we have collected the samples, we'll send them to a lab to be tested and you will know the results within the next few days."

A shiver made its way down Lisbon's spine at the thought of being cut open and dissected like some sort of science experiment. But she absentmindedly took out her date book and worked out her next appointment with her doctor.

"Would you like me to tell your team about this? Since you had told me to inform them of everything we found out?" her doctor asked sinceerly. She looked up, almost looking through him as she replied.

"No, don't tell them anything." Then she heard her doctor say something about getting dressed, the door closed, and she was alone. She really wished she hadn't told Jane to go back to headquarters. She really, _really_ wished she hadn't. But he couldn't know about this anyway. No one could. If Hightower were to find out, she'd put Lisbon on leave in a second. She couldn't let that happen. She wouldn't let every aspect of her life fall apart all at the same time. But she probably didn't even have anything to worry about anyway, what were the chances of _her_ having lung cancer? Little to none, she'd say.

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**So what do you guys think? Let me knooooooooo :) More reviews I get, faster I update!**

**Thanks to every reader!**

**-Devon :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**4, 108 words. This is seriously the largest chapter I have ever written. Usually I would have split this into maybe 3 chapters, but I wanted this one to end at a certain spot. I really hope everyone enjoys this, because I did SO much research. You have no idea how many lung biopsy videos I watched. They aren't pretty, I don't recommend watching them. I'm almost completely sure that everything her is correct when it comes to the medical facts, that was my plan! I'm tired right now (12:17 am) so I'm a bit too lazy to go through and nit pick for all my mistakes, but hopefully there is nothing too big...**

**Please review! I've been working on this chapter all week, and I really need feedback on it! I will love you all forever (not that I don't already!)**

**Anyway, hope everyone is having a lovely Christmas time! Or Hanukkah, or what ever you celebrate! :D Please enjoy!**

**Thanks to lysjelonken, MJ2387, A2Aholic, Jisbon4ever, MissNita Girl, Famous4it, BeautyOfTheDark (for reviewing Chapter 1! :D), Liv, Koezh, and Mentalgal (you ROCK!) for reviewing my last chapter! It means the world to me! :)**

**Alright, here we go!**

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_Disclaimer- I only own Abbey and Doctor Mordan, and I guess Lisbon's brothers but just their personalities and names, cause we already know she has brothers. But, anyway..._

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**Chapter 4**

"Danny, keep up." fifteen year old Teresa said over her shoulder, careful not to wake the sleeping baby in her arms, her youngest brother Michael, as they walked down the dark, narrow path home. She looked ahead, noticing her brother Tommy's head hanging low, watching his feet as he dragged them underneath himself. "Tommy, pick up your feet." there was no reply, only the continuing sound of the rubber of his shoes scraping with the stones stones beneath them.

"Tommy." she said sternly, and he complied, picking up his feet but at a faster pace, increasing the distance between himself and his sister. Tommy was so stubborn, and he always had been, but it had gotten worse when they lost their mother. He stopped listening to his sister and started getting into trouble at school every day. He was the only 6th grader getting in trouble every _single_ day. Teresa had hoped that he would get his act together quick enough to not have to stay back and fail his entire 6th grade year. Danny was now by her side, looking up into his sisters eyes.

"Today, we painted pictures in class with water colours!" he said enthusiastically. She brought her eyes away from Tommy and looked down at her other younger brother.

"That's neat." she smiled.

"I made one for you." spinning his backpack off his back and into his hands, he searched through the few papers loose in his bag until he came across the one he was looking for. He held it up with a proud grin. "See?"

She looked at the young child's painting. It wasn't bad for a seven year old. It was a picture of a house and six people in front of it, with the headline "My Family" across the top. There was a tall stick figure with long black hair and bright green eyes, wearing a blue spotted white dress Teresa recognized as their mother's old favourite dress. In the woman's arms was a tiny baby carefully labeled 'Michael.' Next to the woman stood a short girl with black hair down to her shoulders and equally bright green eyes, herself. The Tommy stick figure stood about a head taller than the Teresa one, and his school football jersey was painted in a bright blue. The Danny figure stood between them, holding both of their hands, a smile so big it took up most of his face. To the very right of the page, there was a picture painted that made Teresa's heart sink. It was their father, a bottle that resembled their fathers favourite bottle of whisky and a cigarette with a big puff of smoke above it. The eyes were small dots, unlike the happy eyes he had drawn on everyone else, and he hadn't given him a mouth. The figure seemed to clash with the others, and she studied it a moment longer before noticing a note pinned to Danny's jacket.

"What's that?" she questioned, motioning with her elbow to the green slip pinned to his shirt.

"Oh, it's a note from the teacher for Dad." he said, looking down innocently at it.

"Here," she tore the note off with her free hand, reading it to herself.

_'Im worried about Danny, is everything alright at home? Please get back to me soon, Annette B.'_ was scribbled in black pen. _Great,_ Teresa thought, shoving the note in her pocket.

"I wanna talk to you before you go to bed tonight, alright?" she spoke calmly to him, but her mind raced at what her father would say. Anything could set him off lately, and she didn't want any trouble. The last time he had gotten upset at her, she ended up explaining away her black eye to her classmates the next day. She shifted Michael onto her other side, and he still lay peacefully sleeping, unaware that they were almost home and soon he'd be losing the security of his sisters arms.

Tommy went up to the door, trying it before realizing it was locked. He stood to the side on the porch and waited for his sister with the keys. From the outside, their house was beautiful. The lawn was still relatively well kept and their mothers flowers had only just begun to droop. Teresa had been trying her best to keep the flowers alive but she didn't have the green thumb like her mother and nothing she had tried to do had done any help. No one looking at the pretty white house from the outside would never guess what horrors were hidden within it.

Teresa slipped her key out of her pocket and quietly unlocked the door, whispering instructions for her brothers as they stepped into the house. Danny went straight upstairs without a word and Teresa passed Michael off to Tommy who followed after his brother. She shut the door and stripped off her jacket, hanging it on a bare hook beside the entrance.

Carefully, she made her way further into the house, looking into each room for her father before the smell of tobacco caught up to her. She followed the scent into the living room where her father was lying face first into the couch, beer still in hand. The smoke was coming from a cigarette that had not quite been put out yet and still sat hot in the ash tray. Teresa walked to it, putting it out before being startled by a hand on her wrist, pulling her backwards towards the couch.

"Where the hell have you been?" his words were slurred as he sat up, letting go of his painful grip on his daughter's small wrist.

"I was stuck at work. They wanted me to work late so I couldn't pick up the boys until-"

"Shut up!" he yelled, and she jumped back in fright. "Where's Tommy?"

"Upstairs doing homework." she replied quietly as she began to tidy the room, which had apparently pleased her father because he lowered his voice.

"Get him." he instructed, lying back down after telling her to turn on the TV as she went out.

Teresa walked to the bottom of the stairs, "Tommy," she called, "Dad wants you." and he was soon running down the stairs. As he passed her, she noticed something in his hand, and she pulled him back, grabbing the familiar white package from him.

"What is that? Why are you buying _cigarettes_? You're 12! What the _hell_ were you thinking?" she whispered harshly, knocking him in the shoulder.

"They aren't for me. They're for Dad." he left her with that and joined his father in the living room, handing over the new package. His father leaned back in satisfaction, taking a fresh cigarette and smelling it. A look took over his eyes, a look that resembled something of joy and love. Why would he get that look at a cigarette rather than his children? Teresa had to look away. She pushed her brother back up the stairs and she made her way into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

OoO

Lisbon lay in her bed in the quiet of her bedroom, her eyes tightly closed. The ticking of her clock in the hallway pulsed, leaving Lisbon slightly irritated at the noise that never bothered her before. She rolled onto her side and buried her head in her pillow. Why couldn't she sleep? The one and only time she had ever wanted to go to sleep, and her body doesn't allow it. The directions from her doctor were to go home and go to bed, and she was actually trying, but finally giving up, she sat up and switched on her bedside lamp. She let her head fall into her hands. What was she going to do? She had a tumor. A tumor that had a great chance of being cancerous. Lisbon wanted to just wake up from the nightmare she was living. It wasn't fair. What did she ever do that was so bad to deserve to get cancer? Not only cancer, Lisbon thought, what about all the other shit I've been through? My mom dying, my dad abusing us and committing suicide. None of it was fair.

_No_. She refused to give herself a pity party. Flicking the sheets off of her, she stood and made her way into the living room. Placing her hands in her pockets of her flannel pajama pants, she stood at the doorway, looking at the room with a certain longing. A longing to have the life back that she had had as she stood in that room earlier that day. The normality of that life seemed so far away, it was almost as if it hadn't been her life at all and the memories were just parts of a movie she had seen so long ago. The buzzing of a vibrating phone in the kitchen called her back, and she answered it before checking the caller ID.

"Lisbon." the forcefulness of her voice was gone, and that had not gone unnoticed by the caller.

"Lisbon?" Jane asked with a certain worry in his voice, "Where are you, we were waiting for your call for the past two hours?"

"Oh Jane," she rubbed her face with her free hand, "sorry, it's just been hectic, um, everything's fine, he just wanted me to go home and get some rest for the rest of the day, but I'll be back to work tomorrow."

"Alright, well go get some sleep and feel better." he said softly, deciding wether he should believe her or not, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks, and I'll try. Bye." she stood there until she heard the monotonous beeping from the dead end of the line, finally hanging up and plugging her phone in to charge. She settled on the couch in the living room, flipping on the TV and leaving it on a classic movie channel and letting the room fill with the noises from the old 50's movie. Lisbon snuggled underneath a blanket that had been thrown over the back of the couch and closed her eyes. Maybe it was the silence that had been keeping her awake. Sure enough, minutes after she closed her eyes she slipped into a peaceful sleep.

oOo

Lisbon sat on the uncomfortable plastic stool, holding her hospital gown closed behind her. Her stomach growled, as she hadn't been allowed to eat for the 8 hours before the procedure, and it seemed much louder than it actually was in the completely silent room. Her heart was racing 1000 times a minute, her nerves completely taking over her. Her eyes darted around the examination room. She saw everything you would expect to see in an exam room; thermometers, tung compressors and so on. If only the reason she was there was that simple. Beside the three year old magazines that lay on the small desk lay a copy of her x-ray. And there it was, the large white blob, the reason why she was here. Thing thing the doctor would soon be taking a piece of out of her through a needle. And she was going to be awake. _How fun_, she thought. Taring her eyes away from it, Lisbon looked at the pictures on the walls instead, trying to focus on something else. The rooms were themed, this one obviously being horse-themed by the horse show and horse sled pictures that hung.

Lisbon was studying a picture of a dark brown horse dressed up in red ribbons and bows pulling a large sled in the middle of the snow when the doctor finally knocked at the door. He asked if she was decent before coming in.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Mordan, I'll be preforming your biopsy." he said with a soft smile.

"Nice to meet you," she shook his hand and he sat down across from her. He smelt of bleach and overall cleanliness.

"I'm an interventional radiologist, which pretty much means I use CTs and ultrasounds to guide a passage through the skin by a needle." He explained his position and then began his explanation into the procedure. She looked over him. He had small square glasses that he peered over as he looked at her file, and the top of his head was balding. He had a kind face, with many laugh lines lining his mouth. She turned her attention back to his explanation. "We will first start with a CT, and we'll find the safest place to insert the needle. We'll mark this location and disinfect it before inserting the needle. The procedure itself shouldn't take more than 30 minutes, although the x-rays might take up to 15 minutes, 20 tops. We'll get you all numbed up before inserting the needle. You will need to hold your breath every now and then, but I'll let you know when I need you to do that." he then finished his summary of the terrifying events that had Lisbon shivering in fear, although when in reality it really didn't sound that bad. She would have thought that if it wasn't happening to her. "Nurse Lakks has already asked you some questions, correct?"

"Yes, she spoke to me when I got here." he voice was breathy and she cleared her throat. _I am not nervous, I am okay_, she told herself.

He stood, turning to her before reaching for the door.

"Are you nervous?" he asked. She nodded her head slightly and looked down at the floor. "Don't be. It's really not scary, promise." he smiled sweetly at her. "Follow me and we'll get ya prepped for the procedure."

oOo

"Alright, you may feel a little prick," the nurse said before injecting the anesthetic to numb the path of the needle that would be taking a sample from her lung. She could see the nurse inject it through the square hole in the paper-ish blanket that covered the rest of her, all but a tiny spot below her chest, where the tumor was. She felt the injection and the cold swab of a wet cotton ball, cleaning the tiny amount of blood that had pooled. She turned her head and looked at the line that was inserted into her arm for a sedative to be given during the procedure. The last time she had been hooked up to something like that had been about about 23 years ago, when she was 15. She didn't like it then, and she didn't like it now. It made her feel anxious and uncomfortable. But, it would be feeding her a sedative, so for now, it was okay.

The doctor walked into the room and over to her. She tipped her head back a bit to see him as he walked in.

"So are we ready, Ms Lisbon?" Dr. Mordan said as he snapped his gloves on.

"As I'll ever be." she replied, tipping her head down and turning her glance to the top of the CT machine that she was lying under. Not so much under as in front of. Her feet just about reached under the top of the machine and the rest of her was lying on the table that, after the procedure, would yet again, be slid through the machine to take many more x-rays.

"Alright, again, this shouldn't take more than 30 minutes and should be almost completely painless." he prepared himself with the needle as he spoke. The nurse fastened a belt that lay over her stomach. It monitored when she breathed and showed when to hold her breath so the tumor was right under the marked spot over her ribs. She didn't completely understand it, but she knew that when the light was red, as opposed to the green that would flash on either side, that was when she was supposed to hold her breath. She could slightly feel the needle as he inserted it, as the anesthetic hadn't completely started working yet. "Okay, now watch the lights and take two more breaths. After your second breath, hold it in once the light is red again and hold it until I say you can let it out." Lisbon did as she was told and took two breaths and held it on the red light. She watched as he inserted the needle deeper into the marked area, extracting a sample with the syringe attached to it. She closed her eyes for a brief moment until he told her she could let her breath go.

"Exhale," he said, and then turned to the nurses and barked orders, "okay Teresa, only a couple more times, now."

_It's okay, it's okay, it's okay,_ she told herself, repeating the process again. The took three more small samples and then ran her through the CT again to check for complications in the procedure. To everyones relief, there were no signs of complications and Teresa was brought into an examination room to get finished up.

Nurse Abbey, from her first hospital visit, had been the one to help her after the procedure, putting a band-aid over the injection sight and cleaning up some of the blood that had run down her stomach. Lisbon got pretty dizzy every time she stood, so the doctor told her they wanted to keep an eye on her for a few hours so she would be brought to a room. Abbey told her about some other side effects that might happen, including coughing up some blood, but told her not to worry about it unless it's a lot again. They talked for a bit longer, more than just medical stuff near the end. Once Lisbon felt ready to go, Abbey helped her up and helped her with her jacket.

"Do you need to call your ride?" Abbey asked as she grabbed her purse, as it was time for her lunch break anyway and she figured she'd walk out with Lisbon. However, Lisbon stopped for a moment, silently scolding herself for being so dumb.

"I actually don't have anyone coming to pick me up," she and Abbey continued out into the hall, "no one knows I'm here, actually."

"Do you want a ride? There is just some paper work you'd have to sign for me to be able to take you from the hospital, but I'd be happy to drive you home if you'd like." she smiled at her new friend, gently leading her by the arm Lisbon began to sway. The sedative had obviously not worn off yet.

"That would be perfect." Abbey led her to the front desk to fill out the paper work and soon they were on the road, laughing and chatting the whole time. As they drove downtown, they both realized their hunger and decided to stop and grab a bite to eat. Lisbon had forgotten what it was like to have a female friend. All her friends had always been guys, ever since she joined the police academy. Van Pelt was close to being a friend, but being a senior agent, she never really clicked with the younger agent. It was nice to be able to talk about clothes and guys, things she never got a chance to talk about with the guys at the CBI. During their lunch, Lisbon completely forgot about her biopsy and the cancer scare, she was just enjoying her life- and her lunch.

oOo

Lisbon was back at work two days later, although she wasn't allowed to do any field work. She had told Hightower that she was still getting light headed spells from the incident that was only three weeks previous, and Hightower understood. Lisbon was relieved she had believed her, although she was getting a few spells every now and then, but they had been known side-affects from the biopsy. She hadn't wanted to tell her that she had indeed been in the hospital two days ago getting a needle poked into her lung, she didn't want to go through that yet, not at all. She wanted to keep her biopsy a perfectly kept secret.

She was sitting at her desk, playing solitaire on her computer while the rest of her team was out investigating a lead. She had finished all her paperwork an hour ago and had played about 20 rounds on her computer. She was trying to stay busy, to keep her mind off the news that she would be getting within the next two days. Her doctor had told her to expect the results of the biopsy before the working week was through, and at the latest, Saturday. It was now Friday, and when ever she was not focused on or in the middle of something, her mind would wonder back to that. The 'what if's' would begin to pop in her head. Lisbon had found that taking walks around HQ would help with her anxiety, but wouldn't help with her dizziness, so she resorted to online games as her answer.

Soon, she heard footsteps and the sound of Van Pelt and Rigsby's voices as they came closer and her door swung open within mere seconds, Jane sticking his blonde, curly head in the door.

"Hiya Lisbon!" he smiled and walked in, plopping himself down in the chair across from her. She looked at him for a moment, trying to read him the way he could read her. What did he want?

"What?" she asked, eyebrows raised.

"What what?" he threw back at her.

"Jane, come on," she chuckled at his childish behaviour, which was okay to laugh at because she was not the one who had had to put up with all his crap that day. That job had, unfortunately for him, fallen upon dear Cho, who she could see through her window at his desk with his head down. Now he knew how she felt most of the time!

"Come on what? I missed you today so I came to talk!" he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, "So, talk."

"About?"

"I don't know! The trees, the sky, that game of solitaire you were trying to win for 30 minutes."

So they talked. They talked about the trees, and the sky, and that incredibly challenging game of solitaire. They talked about the case and they talked about what they wanted to eat. He walked with her to the kitchen and made lunch together; he had a bologna sandwich and tea and she had a cup of coffee and a few grapes. She hadn't really been hungry since the biopsy, but she figured she could use that in her favour as she had been trying to loose weight lately anyway. Jane only pestered her about it for a few minutes before loosing interest in the conversation.

The rest of the day at the office had been quiet, no new work for Lisbon and the rest of the team was stationed at HQ until the end of the day. Lisbon and Jane had had a nice day together, no longer being boss and consultant, but something closer to friends. She had almost brought up her biopsy a few times, reminding and scolding herself before she got a chance to open her mouth.

Lisbon was the last to leave the office, as usual, and she drove home to the songs from the Spice Girls that she had on her iPod that was hooked up to the sound system. She pulled into her parking space and walked into her house in the blind dark until she felt for a light switch. The first thing that caught her attention was the red flashing on her answering machine.

"You have three new messages." the automatic voice told her, "First new message."

"Hey Teresa, it's Abbey, I was wondering if you would like to go shopping on Saturday. I've got a friend's birthday coming up and I have no idea what to get her! Wanna make a day of it? Let me know, talk to ya soon!" she pressed the delete button, smiling to herself as she thought about the fun they'd have.

"Next new message:"

"Hiya Lisbon! Well, I just wanted to say hi, even though I just left HQ a few minutes ago... bye!" _he is so weird_, she thought as she deleted the message from Jane.

"Last new message:"

"Hi Ms. Lisbon, it's Dr. Mordan. The results of your biopsy are in..."

**:) I feel very evil right now, what do you think? :D hehehehehe**

**PLEASE review! :D**


	5. Chapter 5

***smiles guiltily* hiiii :) I'm SO sorry for the long wait! And OMG what a place to leave you guys on, I am forever in your debt! It took me SO long to write this one, but I'm proud of it and happy where it is taking the story. I have a good excuse for the wait tho! So… ready? Here it is: I was cast as Rapunzel in my High School's production of Into the Woods and we have rehearsal EVERY DAY until 5 after school, so I have had no time to even do my homework (let alone write!) So I've been writing in bed, on the bus, and during one of my classes where my teacher could care less, so it's not like I haven't been putting in effort! Haha! Hopefully we'll get a snow day tomorrow, and I'll start on Chapter 6 :)**

**So, before you start to read this chapter, remember how much you love this story and how great you guys think it is… before… you have any feelings about it :) PLEASE give me reviews! I need them to continue! PLEASE! :)**

**Anyway, thank you to Jisbon4ever, CY-463, 24Mentalistlover, Kuhlama, yummymummy1983, CrystallineSolid (love the username, btw! :D), PPP13, Ashtreerose, Amy, Anna, A2Aholic, fruityloops156, Katelyn (:P Are you happy? It's FINALLY up! Although I can no longer threaten you with the 'fine than I wont write any more!' thing anymore :P), Koezh, As-Long-As-I'm-Around, and Storystalker for reviewing chapter 4! I hope everyone likes this chapter! :)**

_Disclaimer- Nope, don't own it… or Applebees, I'm not brilliant to think of carside-to-go :P_

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Chapter 5

"...I'd like to talk to you in person about it. Could you give me a call when you have a chance so we can set up a time for you to come in? Talk to you soon, take care."

Lisbon blood ran cold. They had the results. She was one phone call away from finding out something that could affect her entire future. She almost decided against calling him back, anything to delay what might not be good news. But amid her thoughts, her hand reached for the phone and she was scrolling through the caller history before her mind caught up with herself. Soon it was ringing and Dr. Mordan's secretary answered in a sweet voice.

"Dr. Mordan's office, how may I help you?" she said cheerily.

"Hi this is Teresa Lisbon, I'm Dr. Mordan's patient. He asked me to call him." she could hear her heart pounding in her head. Her hands felt as if they had lost all their blood as they were ice cold and shook.

"Ah yes, I'll reach him for you, one second." the line dropped and elevator-like music began to play. She didn't even her four measures of it before she heard Dr. Mordan pick up the line.

"Hello Teresa," he sounded out of breath- as if he had rushed to get to the phone, "I take it you got my message?"

"Yes." was all she could say. Hearing his voice, she had lost all her courage and she suddenly wanted to hang up and not find out.

"So, as I said, the results are in on your tissue samples and-" before he could finish, she interrupted him before she even realized she was about to.

"What are they?" she wanted to know. She wanted to get it over with. It was a fifty/fifty chance; either she had it or she didn't. She'd rather find out now than wait how ever many days it would take to get into his office.

"Well, I'd like to set up an appointment so we can discuss that."

"What are they?" she asked again, her heart racing faster, if possible, as she used the one small piece of courage she had left.

"Well," he sounded as if he were trying to figure out if he wanted to tell her or not, "Teresa, I'm sorry but they came back cancerous."

He spoke more after that, but she didn't hear him.

Her world paused.

The words sunk in.

I. Have. Cancer.

No, not possible. No way. Not true. He was wrong, or the lab was wrong. Maybe they got the sample from her lung confused with someone else's. That poor person is probably walking around San Francisco thinking they are perfectly heathy after getting a happy call from their doctor telling them that their lung biopsy results came back cancer free. But they were wrong because they really had Lisbon's results. _She_ was the one who was cancer free.

It was her.

It had to be, right?

"Are... Are you sure?" she whispered.

"Positive. I'm so sorry. But there are things we can do to try to cure it. You have options. There's Chemotherapy and Radiation..."

"_Try_ to cure it?"

"Well, you have a type of lung cancer called Small Celled Lung cancer which is a bit more advanced than the other. The good thing is that it hasn't spread anywhere and is still only located in your lung, but these are all the details I would like to explain to you when you can come in. I have a slot open this Sunday at 3 pm, do you think you can make it?"

Why her? That's all she wanted to know.

"Yes, that's fine." she said quietly, still trying to process the news.

"Alright, I'll see you Sunday then, but Teresa, please don't worry. We'll fight this."

"Okay, goodbye."

Don't worry. _Ha_. Don't worry that you have cancer. Don't worry that your going to die. As if saying 'don't worry' would make her not worry. Far from it.

She pressed the red 'end' button on her phone and placed it back in the receiver. She seemed to have lost control of her legs, and she ended up against the wall, leaning on it for support. She placed her hand over the area she had the biopsy on. Beneath her hand lay something so awful, so _horrible_, that it would probably end up killing her. And it was small enough to fit on her lung. The words echoed in her head, hitting her like a blow to the stomach as if it were the first time she had heard them. Many _many_ people die from cancer. She tilted her head back and she felt a lump in her throat as she tried to choke back tears that were soon to erupt. She slid down onto the floor, hugging her knees as she cried into them. She sobbed, her body wracking on the floor. _Why me_, she thought, _why me_?

oOo

The next morning, Lisbon sat in her bed, unable to sleep any longer. She just laid there, her eyes open as she thought about- nothing. The ring of her doorbell pierced the dead silence. She trudged out of bed, realizing she was still in her clothes from the previous day and threw her bathrobe on before walking down the hall to the door. She was surprised to see a bright-smiling Abbey as she opened the door, who's face fell the moment she laid eyes on her friend

"Hi Teresa," she said with attempted cheer in her voice as she looked Lisbon over. Her hair was a mess, knotted in all different spots, her work shirt was unbuttoned about 5 buttons, her pants were wrinkled from sleeping in them, and her bathrobe was lazily thrown over her shoulders. "You never answered my call last night, I came to make sure you were okay. Are you?"

Lisbon ran a hand through her hair, or tried anyway. "Ya, sorry I was really tired when I got home." she turned, offering Abbey inside and shut the door. They walked into the living room and Abbey sat on the couch as Lisbon left to change.

"Would you like to come out with me today?" she reminded Lisbon of the message she had left on the answering machine the night before.

"Oh right, sure." Lisbon yelled from her room, trying to sound as normal as she could, when inside all she wanted to do was collapse on the floor crying.

"I thought we could run out for lunch first, if you were hungry." She turned and began folding some blankets that were lying on the floor.

"Sure," Lisbon said again from her room, running a brush through her knotted hair. She threw her hair back in a messy bun and put on some eye liner before going back to the living room to find her shoes.

"Any opinions on where you want to go?" Abbey asked, turning to face her friend with a look of concern- as if trying to figure out what was different about her today.

"Doesn't matter to me." She knelt down to the ground to tie on her sneakers. She wasn't wearing her normal nice pants and blazer, but today she had on jeans and a sweatshirt. She didn't look very, Lisbon-_y_.

"Okay, we'll look around while we're out." Lisbon finished gathering her things; purse, cell phone, keys, ect. and they walked together down to the parking garage. It was silent for a long time, neither knowing what to say. Five minutes into the drive, Abbey looked at Lisbon briefly before turning back towards the road. She waited a moment before she spoke.

"Hey, Teresa, are you okay?" Lisbon looked at her friend, who's eyes were glued on the road in front of them.

"Ya I'm fine." she said unconvincingly.

"Are you sure, you just don't seem like yourself today."

And that's when she realized: Abbey didn't know yet. She had figured she would know because she worked at the hospital, and the reason she hadn't said anything was because she knew how most people wouldn't want to talk about it. Or maybe she was trying to respect Lisbon's privacy. Well, obviously not, by the tone of her voice.

"Well, no, actually. I'm really not okay. I got a call- last night from Dr. Mordan," she could feel tears filling her eyes, threatening to pour over.

"Oh my god, what did he say? Are your results in? Are you okay?" she spouted questions faster than Lisbon could think of the answers.

"Ya, the results are in. I- uh," she struggled to say it. "he said I have lung cancer."

Abbey was silent, unsure what to say, obviously shocked. She reached one hand and grabbed Lisbon's in her own as she kept her eyes on the road and drove. That was all that Lisbon needed at this moment. Human contact. A reassurance that her life meant something to someone else, and the assurance that she wouldn't be going through this alone.

"Did he say anything else about-" Abbey started, cut off quickly by Lisbon.

"No, just that he wanted me to come in so he could talk to me." she used her free hand to nervously push her hair out of her face, "Would you mind letting me know your schedule on when your in, so you'll be there when I go in? For support."

"Oh not at all. But, not that I wont, don't you have family you want there? Or closer friends?"

"Uhhmm, I'd rather not tell my family, I don't want them to know, not yet anyway. And all my friends are colleagues, and I don't need this going around the office." she spoke softly as Abbey pulled her hand back onto the steering wheel.

"Teresa, you have to tell someone." Abbey protested, thinking about how much this would affect her friend's life and how much support she'd need.

"Can we just, not talk about it right now?" she looked to Abbey with pleading eyes, wanting so badly to end the conversation.

"Of coarse." Abbey understood, examining the restaurants that surrounded them as they made it further into town. "Any place look good to you?" Applebees, one of Lisbon's favourite restaurants, caught her eye. She sniffed and wiped her eyes, silently thankful that Abbey listened to her and stopped talking about the previous topic, she must have had a lot of practice with patients.

"How about Applebees?" Lisbon smiled and looked at Abbey, who then changed lanes to pull in to the restaurant's parking lot.

"Sounds perfect."

oOo

Lisbon and Abbey sat at a booth near the back of the restaurant, picking at a sampler plate they had gotten for an appetizer. Lisbon picked up a hot wing and dipped it into the tiny container of blue cheese dressing. Taking a bite of the perfection that lay between her fingers, she gave a satisfied smile and placed it down on her plate.

"So there's a question I've been meaning to ask you," Abbey started in between bites of the small chicken quesadilla. Lisbon looked up as she took a sip of her Coke, "So, that guy who burst into the hospital room the first day you came in... is that your boyfriend?" Lisbon nearly choked on her drink as she coughed in surprise to Abbeys accusation. Abbey begin laughing at her and tossed her a napkin. "What?" she smiled. Lisbon collected herself, and responded in between fits of laughter.

"Jane is a consultant at the CBI, he works with my team. It's nothing more than that." she shook her head at the thought.

"Well that's a shame." Abbey dipped her quesadilla in the sour cream and took another bite.

"How do you figure?" Lisbon laughed, looking up in question.

"Oh come on, Teresa! Have you _seen_ this guy? He's a... Well, a nice hunk of a man."

"Oh my God, shut up!" they broke into a laughing fit as Lisbon balled up a napkin and threw it across the table. "So what about you," Lisbon started as the laughing subsided, "got your eyes on any man? Other than my consultant?"

"Well, yes, actually. I've been seeing this guy for a while now. It's kinda getting serious." she smiled, taking out her phone and sliding it open, "That's him." she handed Lisbon the phone. She looked at the picture Abbey had as her background. It was obviously a bit old, her hair being a lot darker than it was at the moment. The man standing beside her was a few inches taller than her, with a buzz cut and dressed in a soldier's uniform. "He's in Afghanistan right now," Abbey looked down at the picture, "should be coming home soon though." She smiled and Lisbon handed her the phone.

"You guys look perfect together." Lisbon picked up a celery stick and crunched on it.

"So you aren't with anyone at _all_? Oh and you're obligated to tell me, because- well, it doesn't matter why. It's just girl talk, so you have to." she smiled, leaning forward as if Lisbon were about to whisper a big secret.

"Well..." Lisbon began.

"Well..?" she was ushered on.

"Well," she dragged out the word, "a couple months ago, I did have a fling. But it was just one night and he's in Europe now, so it doesn't really matter."

"Teresa, you slut." Abbey said serious faced before breaking out into laughter. Lisbon gave her a fake shocked face and threw the celery stick at her and they laughed for a while longer, Lisbon passing her phone across the table, which was pulled up on her Facebook looking at Walter's profile picture.

"That's him." she said, embarrassed to even be telling her this, let alone showing her what he looked like. Right as Abbey started to look at the picture, Lisbon's phone began vibrating and the screen changed to the caller ID.

"Ooh, just a co-worker, huh?" Abby lifted an eyebrow to Lisbon, turning the phone to show Lisbon the caller was indeed Jane, a picture he had taken of himself on her phone and put as his contact photo was posted across the screen. She took it and looked at it for a moment before hitting 'ignore' on the call and handing Abbey the phone with Facebook pulled up again.

"You're not going to answer it?" Abbey questioned her before looking at the picture, approval spreading across her face.

"No, I just... can't yet. He's very nosey, and I don't want him to know about... any of this. The doctor, the phone call, the appointment, just, I'd rather him not know."

"Why don't you want anyone to know? You're going to need help, you know, you can't do it all on your own." Abbey set down Lisbon's phone and looked her in the eyes as their conversation turned serious.

"Because, I don't need faces with pity written all over them at work. I don't want people to look at me differently. I would be taken out of the field at work, and I can not sit behind a desk all day."

"And your family? Why don't you want your family to know?"

"Because then they'd want to come up, and... well, I don't want them too." Lisbon joked, trying to end yet another conversation she didn't want to be having, and Abbey could tell, so she quickly turned topics back to the picture that was still on Lisbon's phone on the table.

"So where'd you meet him?" Abbey asked curiously, sitting back in her chair.

"Haha, funny thing actually. I met him during a murder investigation about a year ago." she blushed, something she wished she could control- but obviously couldn't- due to the many times she had done it involuntarily at work.

"He was a suspect?" Abbey's eyebrows raised.

"Well, ya kind of." Lisbon swirled her straw in her drink. "And... a couple months ago he appeared attached to another case. He flirted with me throughout the entire investigation, and by the time it was over, well, I found myself getting dressed for work in his apartment in the morning." Abbey giggled, popping the last half of her salsa-covered chip in her mouth. "But it didn't lead to anything. And he left for England, so he doesn't really count."

"Ahhhhh... and what is wrong with Patrick?" Abbey's smile grew on her face as Lisbon's cheeks turned rose coloured.

oOo

The trip to the mall had been long and incredibly fun. They had stopped at many random stores- including chocolate, book, and shoe stores- to browse and buy a few items, but they had mostly talked. The basis of their conversations had involved their careers; why Abbey had gone into nursing and what about the police force attracted Lisbon. Both women were incredibly ambitious and both had ideas on how they believed their careers would succeed. Abbey had hoped to become a midwife at some point in her life, but aside from that, she was completely happy where she was. Lisbon had briefly talked about becoming the chief of staff at the CBI, or even move on to the FBI, but as she had begun to go into more detail, they had reached the store Abbey had come to to look for something for the person she was buying for.

Jane had called four times since by the time they had been at the mall for 3 and a half hours, each call ignored and unanswered. When Abbey had stopped for gas on the ride home, Lisbon took out her cell phone, greeted by a message that alerted her that she had 8 missed calls and 8 new messages. She listened to two of them before Abbey got back in the car. It was Jane, of coarse, mostly scolding her for not picking up her phone. She closed her cell and put it in her pocket, talking with Abbey until they had reached the front of her apartment building.

"Thank you for bringing me out today," Lisbon started as she reached to unhook her seatbelt, "it really helped keep my mind off-things." Abbey nodded understandingly.

"Of coarse. Thanks for coming, I had a blast!" she smiled, leaning across the car to give Lisbon a quick hug. "We'll have to do this again."

"Alright, bye!" Lisbon said before shutting the car door, waving quickly before heading into her apartment building.

She made it silently into the elevator and onto her floor, stepping out and turning in the direction of her apartment number. She reached for her keys, her eyes falling upon the light creeping from under it.

_That's odd_, she thought, _I never leave the lights on_. She tried to turn the door nob, but it was locked. Her instincts made her reach for her gun, or where it would be anyway. She had left it in her building when she had gone with Abbey that morning. Her brain turned quickly, trying to think of something to do. As Lisbon tried to think of her next move, her door opened, and standing on the other side was, of coarse, Jane.

"You wouldn't answer my calls." was his only remark.

oOo

Lisbon slid her purse down her arm and dropped it onto the floor as she followed Jane inside.

"How did you get into my house?" she asked, although she could already guess the answer.

"I picked the lock." he smiled his million dollar smile and plopped himself onto her couch, as if what he had done was the most normal thing in the world. For him, she supposed, it was.

"So you broke in." she simplified.

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"How do you figure?"

"Picking a lock is a talent. The term 'breaking in' makes it sound like a crime."

"But it _is_ a crime."

Jane shrugged, standing and walking toward the kitchen at the sound of a whistling kettle. "Not the way I look at it." feeling too worn to follow him, she slumped onto the couch.

"Well then you look at it wrong." she remarked, leaning back into the plush of the sofa.

"Maybe you look at it wrong, but since you see it as right, it doesn't look wrong to you so you think it is right- when in fact, it is wrong." he shouted from the kitchen among the clatter of tea cups and silver spoons.

Lisbon chuckled, shaking her head. She liked when she and Jane fought like this; about stupid little things that they would both have to muster up enough caring about to even continue the argument. It made her feel like everything was normal. Then she wondered how many more of these arguments they'd have. Quickly, she pushed the thought out her her head.

"I'm too tired to even figure out what you just said." she closed her eyes briefly and pulled out her hair from the messy bun it had been set in all day.

"Good." Jane walked in from the kitchen with two cups of steaming tea, placing one down in front of Lisbon.

"Jane, I don't even like tea."

"Then why do you have tea cups?"

"Because you made me get them."

"What? No I didn't."

"Yes you did! When we were in LA investigating that model's murder, you saw them in a store window and made me go in and get them before we left. You said that we'd need them for when you came over and wanted tea. It's not like they've ever been used!"

"Well, perfect opportunity now then." he smiled, sitting down beside her on the couch and nudging her with his arm before taking a sip of his tea. She just studied it for a moment before Jane lost his patience and spoke. "Just drink it! It wont kill ya!" he laughed and she took a sip. It was hot and it warmed her as she felt it travel down her throat. "Well!" he pushed on.

"It's good, okay? You're right, it's good!" she gave in, taking another sip, noticing it's slight lemon flavour.

"Good, I knew you'd like it."

"Ah, playing psychic again, are we?"

"You don't have to be psychic when I know you as well as I do."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really."

Lisbon just shook her head, setting down the tea cup on the coffee table. She hadn't realized how exhausted she actually was until she leaned her head against the pillow that lay behind her, almost instantly falling asleep before Jane spoke again.

"So why weren't you answering my calls earlier?" Jane asked in between sips of his favourite drink. Without an answer, Jane turned towards Lisbon who sat beside him with her eyes closed. "Lisbon?"

"I'm way too tired right now, Jane. Do we have to talk?" she muttered.

He chuckled at her slurred words, grabbing the television remote off of the table. "Alright, let's watch TV." he flipped through the channels until he came upon an airing of Ghost that had just started. "How about this?" he asked. Lisbon looked and nodded, scooching on the couch so she was comfier.

"I like Patrick Swayze," she spoke into the pillow, closing her eyes again and falling deeper into unconsciousness. Jane set his tea down on the coffee table next to her's and watched Lisbon sleep. He wondered how she could sleep so peacefully in the position she was sitting in. He leaned back against the couch.

"Lisbon?" his whispered, making sure she was asleep. When he had no response, he slowly moved her pillow and eased Lisbon down so she was lying under his arm and against his chest. Jane watched the movie longer and felt Lisbon's warm presence beneath his arm. He brushed her dark hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. Changing his train of thought, he focused back on the movie and slowly drifted off to sleep.

oOo

When Lisbon awoke the next morning, she was lying on the couch covered by an afghan that usually rested on the chair across the room. The television was off and no dishes were left on the coffee table. And the shoes she was sure she fell asleep in were sitting beside the door.

And Jane was gone.

She sat up, pushing her hair out of her face. Her eyes fell upon the clock on the television; _11:37 am_. She had slept half her day away already. She thought about the night before, sitting and talking with Jane like usual. Well, like it used to be. Soon enough he would see she was hiding something from him. She supposed she'd also start looking different; loosing weight and getting pale. Not only Jane, but _all_ of her team was extremely perceptive. They'd noticing things, even if they were little.

She wouldn't be able to work in the field as much. Her doctor wouldn't allow it. She'd be stuck behind a desk all day every day with nothing to do but paperwork. Cho would probably get promoted to head of the team. She'd be happy for him... right? She'd loose the respect she got from other agents, replaced by a look of pity as they looked upon her dying body.

Was she getting ahead of herself?

The doctor said she had an advanced type of cancer, but that it hadn't spread. That was good. He said they'd try to cure it.

It was curable.

But, yet it was not. There was no cure for cancer. She could go in for radiation or chemo, but those wouldn't positively cure her. She was stuck in this state of unknowingness. She wouldn't know if she would live. She wouldn't know if she would die.

She'd have to wait.

And waiting was not something she was looking forward to.

* * *

**So… did I loose all my readers during this chapter? I promise you, I do not hate Lisbon! Lisbon is my favourite and Robin Tunney is my hero, so I'm not doing this out of hate! And if I _hadn't_ given her cancer, there would be no story. So, ya. :D You guys just wait and see, you'll love this story to pieces by the time I'm through with it! :) Anyway, PLEASE review. The more reviews I get, the faster I update! :)**

**I know Lisbon seemed a bit weak when she found out about the cancer, but even the strongest can break, and I think finding out something like this would spin her life out of control and, with her control issues we all know she has, I think that she would not take it very well. At all. Plus, you know, it's not very good news to begin with...**

**And I HAD to put Ghost in there, and I will forever love Patrick Swayze, so it just needed to be said. Ghost is a movie. With Patrick Swayze. In case you didn't catch on ;)**

**Thanks for reading! :) (I love you allllllll :D)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello! Sorry, again, that it's been so long, but I promise I write every day! I just don't get much time to write. I try to write during Geometry, but then I miss stuff and am confused for the rest of class :P**

**WAIT WAIT WAIT-I AM SO EXCITED FOR RED GOLD, THAT NEEDED TO BE SAID. Anyway,**

**So here's chapter 6, and I started planning chapter 7 the SECOND I finished this one. This story has been moving a bit slow so far, so the next chapter will have a bit of a time jump. There isn't much Abbey in this chapter but I'll try to make up for that in the next chapter :) I hope everyone enjoys this, PLEASE review, they seriously make my day!**

**Thank you to fruityloops156, Katelyn (and what do you mean finally putting ur name up! I've put u up each time! And I thank you when I see u! You're very irksome, you know that? ;D) 24Mentalistlover, BeautyOfTheDark-KLM, CY-463, Mentalgal, Jisbon4ever, Jisbonforever, Dinewrites, xanderseye, Juliette101, and madcloisfan for reviewing chapter 5 and Young Dice (for reading part of chapter 1 and reviewing, see this is what you ALWAYS see me writing in class!) and Jisbon-sessed for reviewing chapter 1! Thanks to everyone who also put me or my story on alert of favourite add! You guys make my day! *hugs***

**So, here it is, without further delay!**

_Disclaimer- No. :)_

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Chapter 6

Being there as often as she had by now, sitting in the hospital didn't feel as uncomfortable as it used to. This time, however, she wasn't in an exam room, but the office of Doctor Mordan. And although not uncomfortable, she was extremely nervous waiting for her prognoses. Abbey sat by her side, comforting her by her presence, although no words were spoken. Anything spoken, by this point, would do nothing but make Lisbon more anxious for the doctor to arrive, so they both sat, waiting for him to make his appearance. When he finally did show up, they both stood, shaking his hand before sitting back down and giving him their complete attention. He sat at his desk and shuffled through his papers before coming across her file.

"How are we feeling today, Ms. Lisbon?" he asked, smiling.

"Fine," she nodded in appreciation to the question, but wanting to get right down to her prognosis.

"So," he got situated with the paper he wanted in front of him, scanning it quickly then looking up at Lisbon. "There are two different types of Lung Cancer. There is non-small cell lung cancer, and small cell lung cancer. You have small cell, which does tend to be more aggressive, but it responds better to chemo and radiation. Before we can settle on your treatment, we'll need to run another blood test, to see if the cancer has spread since your last one, and another MRI. Once those results are back, we'll be able to start on your treatment. If it has not spread and is still located in your lung, then we can remove the tumor and try to stop the cancer growth that way. If it has spread, then we'll start you with chemotherapy." he paused for a moment, "Any questions so far?"

Lisbon shook her head. She understood everything he was saying, and as he continued to explain, she prayed in the back of her mind that it had not spread. The last thing she needed was chemo; throwing up all day at work and losing her hair was not going to help her hide her secret from the team.

"Alright, well, you'd come in once every other week to start, and the chemo would be injected into your vein. But this is just if the cancer has spread. If it has, I will go more into depth about the chemo then. First, if you're ready and willing today, we can get your blood test and MRI out of the way and have the results by the end of the week."

"Sure, that'll be great." Lisbon sighed a relieved sigh. The shorter time she'd have to wait for the results, the better.

"I'll go get the MRI prepped. Abbey, if you wouldn't mind bringing Teresa into an exam room for her blood test." he asked before quietly exiting.

Abbey laid a comforting hand on Lisbon's shoulder. "It'll all be okay." she smiled, trying to convince Lisbon of the words she just wouldn't welcome. "Let's go get your test done."

OoO

The next day, Lisbon and her team were in the kitchenette, eating their breakfast and chatting with each other. Rigsby was positioned by the fridge, as to be ready to grab something else the second he finished with what he was eating at the time. Van Pelt and Cho were seated at the table beside Lisbon, each downing their mugs of coffee. Van Pelt and Cho ate light meals, Van Pelt had a banana and Cho ate his breakfast bar. Lisbon, however, still lacked an appetite and just drank her coffee. No one seemed to notice, since she wasn't a heavy eater in the first place. Jane had himself stationed near the kettle, waiting for the whistle to alert him that he was one step closer to his beloved tea.

Their conversations were light, discussing the ending to the previous case, the one they had closed while Lisbon was, as they believed, out sick. Cho had handled all the paperwork, including all the complaints about Jane Lisbon was so used to filling out. It was odd for Lisbon to not have any paperwork to do, but at the moment she enjoyed it as she had been having trouble sleeping lately and she tired quicker during the day. The peaceful conversation she was having with the team was soon interrupted as Hightower stopped Van Pelt mid sentence at the door.

"Please be in the bull pen in 5 minutes, I've got a case I want you all on." she said before leaving just as quickly as she had come.

"Back to the grind." Cho said in his straight toned form of humor, throwing away the wrapper from his bar on his way towards the bull pen. Van Pelt and Rigsby followed, chatting with each other as they left. Lisbon took a moment before standing slowly and heading to the door, pausing to look back at Jane.

"Coming?"

"Yup, but I can't leave without my tea." he flashed his legendary smile.

"You have two minutes," she warned with a slight smirk before following the rest of her team into the bull she reached them, they were waiting patiently at their desks, Hightower still not having come back yet. She sat at Jane's untouched desk, waiting for her boss to come and brief them on their case so they could start working, instead of sitting around HQ wasting time. The faster they started, the faster, hopefully, they'd solve it. Lisbon thought about what would happen if her cancer had indeed spread, and she was sure the chemo she'd have to go through wouldn't help her performance at work at all.

Hightower eventually arrived and Jane made his way from the kitchenette as she began to speak.

"The victim is 35 year old Kristin Kegnon, she was found dead in her apartment last night by a neighbor who noticed a smell coming from it. She has one bullet wound to the head and what looks like signs of a struggle. I want you guys to head over there today and check it out, see if you can get a list of suspects." she handed Lisbon the case file, "The address is inside."

"We'll go now," Lisbon said, standing, "Rigsby, stay here and work the desk; Van Pelt, you're out with us. I want everyone downstairs at the car in two." she said, getting down to business. Rigsby looked after them longingly as Van Pelt, Cho, and Jane walked to the elevator. Noticing, Lisbon walked to his desk. "You know she needs time on the field, her career wont go anywhere if she stays here all day. You've proved you're an excellent agent, she needs time to prove herself."

Rigsby nodded in understanding, "Of course, boss." She patted him on the shoulder before leaving towards the elevator. When she reached the parking garage, she rolled her eyes as she noticed the SUV.

"Jane," she said warningly. He had pulled the SUV out of it's space and was driving up to her. Didn't she have the keys? She reached into her pocket where her keys were-where her keys _had_ been.

"I didn't think you'd mind," he smiled.

"We tried to tell him not to," Cho said through the open window at the back seat. "he wouldn't listen."

"Jane," she walked up to the drive's side, "I really don't want to die today, please step out of the car." she teased.

"But Lisbonnnnn!" he whined.

"Jane." she said again, hoping to scare him away.

"Lisbon." he said back.

"Jane."

"Ugh, you're no fun." he said, finally giving up and stepping out of the car, tossing an evil glare at her before continuing around to the other side. Rolling her eyes again, trying not to let her entertainment show on her face, she stepped up into the car, pulling her seat up closer to where Jane had obviously adjusted it from, so her petite figure would comfortable reach the gas peddle and yet still see over the steering wheel._ One of the many annoyances of being short_, she thought. Taking the last gulp of her coffee, hoping it was enough to get her through the day until they got back, she placed it in the cup holder and put the car in drive.

"Let's play a game!" Jane shouted excitedly before they even left the garage, receiving a chorus of groans, "Oh, okay then."

OoO

The team arrived at the crime scene about 20 minutes and 34 attempted starts of I-spy later. Thanks to the medicine Dr. Mordan had her on to reduce her symptoms, the full blown stench of blood she received walking into the apartment didn't upset her stomach as much as it had the last time. It actually felt nice to be back on the field and as she discussed the evidence the local police had gotten with one of the officers, she completely forgot about the events of the past few days, few _weeks_. It just felt good to be on the job again, almost back to normal. For the time being, it _was_ back to normal.

After she finished talking to the cop, she went to find Jane, who was unsurprisingly on the floor beside the body, examining it closely, and, of course, smelling it, which was _almost_ enough to make Lisbon gag.

"You almost done?" she asked from the door.

"Yup," he said, standing up and snapping his gloves off, "I've seen everything I need." he walked past her out the door.

"Oh really? And what is your conclusion, of wise one?" she teased, following him.

"She had sex recently," he stopped walking and faced her, "or an extremely passionate love making session. There was skin under her nails, and a hickey on her neck. Collect a sample from under her nails and test it, then we'll question him and most likely find the killer."

"Oh is that what we should do?" she crossed her arms, nodding as she spoke sarcastically, ending it with a smile, "Never woulda thought to do that."

"Someone's a bit cheerful today," Jane noticed, smiling also, "what's the occasion?"

"Just happy to be here, I guess." her statement having more meaning than Jane knew.

"Here? In an apartment that reeks of death?" she smacked him on the shoulder as she walked by him.

"Shut up, you know what I mean. I'm glad to be back at work, I hate taking sick days."

"We're glad you're back too," he threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer as they walked out of the now empty apartment, Lisbon pulling out of his arms before they reached the sight of anyone else. "Are you feeling better? I heard you were getting dizzy spells again."

"Much better, and I don't get them any more. I think it was just a mixture between being tired and the flue." Lie.

"Good, I don't know how many more times we'll be able to process without you." he said, placing his hand on her shoulder briefly before joining the rest of the team beside the car.

"If you only knew." she said quietly before following after him.

OoO

The fact that the cancer had spread, no matter the fact that it had spread to her lymph nodes on the back of her neck and near her collar bone, did not surprise Lisbon. She had tried to prepare herself for that diagnosis, and it just seemed like luck had not been on her side so far, so why would it change now? By the time her first chemo session had rolled around, she had been given pills to take hours before the treatment, which only increased her fatigue. After speaking with a nurse and getting a tour of the chemo wing, she was brought to get a blood cell count and met the nurse who would be administrating her first chemo. She was seated in a hard plastic chair in a room with three other people who were all also getting sessions done, and Nurse Keel began hooking her up to the IV.

She looked away as the nurse inserted the needle into her vain that would attach to the drip. The only moment of pain was as the needle pierced her vain, but being so used to it after all the blood tests, she didn't mind it much. Nothing else hurt, and Lisbon watched as the drug ran through the plastic tube connected to the needle in her hand. She hoped the side effects wouldn't be as bad as she'd heard. She knew it was inevitable, she'd lose her hair. She just wasn't sure on how she'd hide it.

"Do you have someone to drive you home?" the nurse came back to check on her ten minutes before she finished.

"No," she hadn't told Abbey that the cancer had spread, so she didn't know she was at the hospital at the moment, which meant that she wouldn't be getting a ride home, "do I need one?" Not that it would matter, she wouldn't have one anyway.

"No, but some patients feel more comfortable not driving right after treatment, but it's up to you."

Before Lisbon was even unhooked from the drip, she was already extremely nauseous. Getting some informational packets from the front desk in the chemo wing on what she should and shouldn't do before and after treatments, she felt her nausea grow until she was in the parking garage. She exited the jerky elevator and ran to a near-by trash barrel, emptying the contents of her mostly empty stomach into it.

After taking a moment to collect herself and look around to make sure no one had witnessed that extremely embarrassing moment, she found her car and instantly reached for the mints she kept in the glove compartment. She popped one in her mouth and began driving home. Good thing it was Saturday, she thought, no work until monday.

On her way home, she realized why most people prefer being driven after treatment. She'd have to tell Abbey soon about her chemo, because driving for her would not be an option. Dr Mordan had said the intensity level for the side effects was different for each patient. With her (_oh so great_) luck, she of course would be the one puking every two seconds. When waiting in traffic, taking slow, deep breaths was all she could do to keep herself from ruining the interior of her car. She pictures herself at home, lying peacefully in her bed, sleeping until monday.

Upon reaching her apartment, however, she headed straight for the bathroom, collapsing on her knees in front of the toilet bowl and retching the last of the contents in her stomach, which was barely anything. After about five dry heaves later, she gave up and curled into a ball on the floor. She didn't want to move, her stomach now being in actual pain from it trying to throw up and nothing being inside. She hadn't eaten that much lately, and that day she had only had a small bowl of Cheerios that morning and a banana on the way to the hospital. She'd have to eat more if this was how she'd be after each time.

She didn't know how long she was lying there when her phone rang, but she still couldn't move. She waited for the phone to stop ringing so she could hear the person on the answering machine, continuing her deep breaths and keeping her eyes shut, her face pressed against the cool floor.

"Hey Lisbon, it's Jane," she started to get up, "I had a question." she needed to get there before he hung up. If she didn't answer he'd want to know where she was. He knew she barely had a social life, and she knew that he could read her like a book; she needed to get to that phone. "Where are you?" she tried to get to her feet, "Are you there?" he asked again, and she leaned on the wall for support as another wave of nausea hit her, "Lisboooooooon?" luckily Jane kept saying her name long enough for her to rush out to the kitchen counter, grabbing the phone off of its port.

"Hey, Jane, sorry, I was in the office, I couldn't hear the phone at first. What's your question?" she leaned against the cool tabletop.

"Oh, I wanted to know if you knew what forensics team was working with us on this case, I couldn't remember but I wanted to check out some of the evidence."

"Can't that wait until Monday?" breath in. Breath out.

"No I need them so-"

"Okay, okay, I'll e-mail you the information."

"Hey, you okay? You don't sound so good."

"I'm fine." lier. "I'll talk to you Monday, okay?"

"Ya, sure, bye."

Lisbon hung up, racing back towards the bathroom and clung to the toilet seat as she dry heaved more and more into the bowl. Finding the last of her strength, she picked herself up off the floor and walked slowly into her bedroom, and slowly lay down on the bed. The second her head hit the pillow, she was out like a light. The days events had taken so much out of her, that she didn't want to get up in the morning. Her dreams were filled with pain, and chemo...

And Jane.

OoO

Young Teresa made her way to the kitchen, searching the cabinets for food to feed her family, finding two cans of soup and some bread in the back of a cabinet behind her fathers collection of warm beer. She began cooking in the same dishes they had used the night before, as her father had yet to pay the water bill and they only had enough to drink, not enough to wash the dishes, forcing Teresa and her brothers to shower at school, and her father just, didn't shower.

As she poured small rations of soup into her and her brothers bowls, she heard a cry from Tommy in the living room. Why had he come back downstairs? She dropped one of the bowls she was holding, a loud crash sounding on the floor beneath her feet. She quickly knelt to the ground, trying to clean the mess before the quick thumping feet she could hear echoing in the hallway reached the kitchen door.

Her fathers towering presence soon reached the door. "What the hell's wrong with you?" He stormed towards her and pushed her from her kneeling position. "Clean it up."

"Why is Tommy crying?" she asked from the floor.

"Thaths nonof your damn business." his words slurred together. "Clean up the fucking floor!" he hollered before leaving.

Teresa looked down at her hands, she had held them out to break her fall against the floor. A small shard of the ceramic bowl stuck out of her right palm, and she grimaced as she pulled it out, following was a pool of blood. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her hand, tying it in the back. She continued serving the soup into bowls, ignoring the pain in her hand. She knew if she didn't feed her brothers, they wouldn't get food that night, as their father couldn't care less.

She grabbed a larger bowl for her father and filled it with much more soup then she had for herself and her brothers, knowing if he didn't get more, he'd get angry.

"Tommy!" she called. Soon he walked in, his head facing the ground, his large green eyes watery, and a large red mark on the side of his face. "You ok?" she asked as she handed him his and Danny's bowls.

"Ya." was his only reply before leaving. She picked up her fathers bowl and brought it to him, and he said nothing more than a grunt when she handed it to him. Teresa went back to the kitchen to grab her own bowl and one of Michael's bottles and made her way upstairs to her brothers' room. She set down her soup on a bed stand and picked up Michael off the floor where he was playing with one of his toys. She held him as he drank from his bottle and she watched her brothers hungrily eat every last drop of their soup.

"Tessie," Danny walked to her with his empty bowl, "I'm still hungry." Michael finished his bottle and she set him back on the floor, picking up her own bowl of soup and filing Danny's bowl with half of it, and walking to Tommy and giving him the other half.

"Aren't you hungry?" Tommy asked, looking up at his big sister.

"Nah, you guys eat it." she got Michael in his PJs and into his crib as her brothers finished eating and, themselves, got ready for bed. Tommy slid under the covers and was asleep within a few minutes. Teresa went to talk to Danny, who sat cross legged on top of his covers.

"What'd ya wanna talk to me about before, Tessie?" he asked sweetly.

"Your picture you drew at school today," she sat beside him on the bed. "you can't draw pictures like that at school, the one of Dad I mean."

"Why not?" he truly did not understand, his eyes watering at the thought of his big sister being angry with him.

"Because, when people see pictures like that of Daddies, they think that the kids aren't being taken care of. Daddy could get in trouble." she tried to make him understand, "We could be taken away." Danny couldn't stop his tears from overflowing, and Teresa pulled him in for a hug, "It's ok sweetie, you didn't know." pulling him back, she looked him in the eyes, "You wont do it again, right?" he shook his head, "Alright, good. Now let's get you into bed." she helped him under the covers and tucked him in, giving him a kiss on the forehead. "Goodnight."

She grabbed all the dishes and turned to go to her own room, stopping at the doorway to look back on her three peacefully sleeping brothers. She turned the light off and began to leave.

"Tessie," she heard Danny say from his bed.

"Ya?" she whispered.

"I love you."

"Love you too, bud." she smiled as she shut the door and walked to her room. She changed into her pajamas, washed her face and brushed her teeth before going downstairs with all of the dirty dishes. She placed them in the sink and walked to the living room where her father was putting out a cigarette.

"Dad?" Teresa said, walking into the room, "Are you going to bed? You told me to make sure you went to bed early since you have work tomorrow."

He grunted, standing and walking towards his bedroom.

"Goodnight." she said, answered by the slamming of the door. The smell of smoke still clung to the air, and she walked over to make sure his cigarette was put out all the way. Before smushing it into the cinders, she picked it up and smelt it, letting the smoke calm her senses. She looked at her father's bedroom door, no light was showing from under it, so he had obviously gone straight to bed. Quietly, Teresa picked up the box of cigarettes and pulled one out. He wouldn't realize one was missing, he wouldn't remember the night at all in the morning, he never did. She picked up the silver lighter off the table and quietly snuck out onto the back porch, shutting the door behind her.

The cool midnight air gave her chills down her spine as she held the cigarette up to her mouth and struggled against the wind to get the lighter going. The first inhale was painful and she gasped for air as the black smoke stung its way down her throat. The next inhale was a bit better as she got used to it, and soon she had smoked the entire cigarette. She still stood on the porch, thinking. This is what it had come to. Sneaking out for a cigarette just to calm her nerves, which it did. _This may have to become a nightly thing_, she thought, taking the last puff before walking off the porch and smothering the burnt cigarette into the cool dirt.

Her father wouldn't notice the smell of smoke on her, as that's what the entire house smelt like, so she went directly to bed. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to get the calm feeling from the cigarette back. She longed for another one, even though she had just put the last one out. She'd get another one in the morning before she went to school and smoke it at lunch, outside. She fell asleep that night with calming thoughts of her next cigarette, unknown to the problems this would later cause her.

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**So what do you guys think? Worth a month of my life? lol I'd really love to hear your opinions of the story so far, it really makes my day :) Thanks so much everyone! Hope u liked it!**

**-Devon**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello all! It's been a while! Well, this is my second day of being home sick from school, so I figured I'd finish the chapter and get it up for you all! Reviews would make me feel better :) Oh, and after a long while of thinking, watching, and studying pictures of Lisbon's hair during The Mentalist (more season 3, since that's where this is mostly taking place, before the whole Hightower thingy) I have come to the conclusion that she indeed has dark brown hair. When you look at pictures where the light is hitting it full on, it gets very brown, just like recent pictures of Robin at a basketball (?) game, her hair is pretty brown. So, ya. I might be wrong, but, that's what's staying in the story. I've also decided that if my english teacher ever assigns a creative writing assignment, I'm going to change the names and the whole CBI thing and turn this in. "Here is my 40 page story! Have fun reading and correcting this bitch of an assignment!" :) I'm kind of looking forward to that :)**

**Soooo thank you to Jisbon4ever, 24Mentalistlover, Mentalgal, Anon, madcloisfan, MJ2387, CY-463, Katelyn, usetacebrown, kate, xanderseye, fruityloops156, Juliette101, and kate (again? :D) Be expecting replies to all of your reviews like you usually get before I post, but I've been so busy today I haven't had time! But you'll get them, I promise!**

**Thank you for everyone who's sticking with this story, I love you all!**

_(I made a list of disclaimers to use a while back… let's use one now, shall we? Hmmm…)_

_Disclaimer- I don't own it… but it'd probably give me something better to do on weekend!_

_(boy, aren't I witty! ;P lol)_

**ENJOY! (pleaseeee review, please?)**

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Chapter 7

The buzzing from her alarm clock jolted Lisbon awake. Feeling around on the buttons of the alarm, she hit the snooze and buried her face into her pillow. A foreign texture she felt against her face caused her to sit up and turn on the light. And there it was, the start to what she had been expecting since she started her chemo five weeks earlier: a clump of her dark brown hair lay on her pillow. She sighed and collected it in her hands. It wasn't that much, but she knew the rest would come sooner or later.

Dr. Mordan had explained that a few patients don't end up losing their hair, if their hair cells didn't rapidly grow like most, because those are the types of cells the chemo drugs attack. After her fourth week, he had mentioned she might be one of the lucky few. Unfortunately, he was wrong.

Lisbon stood and walked to her bathroom, throwing the clump of hair into the trash on her way. Examining her head in the mirror, she found that she couldn't even see where the hair had fallen from. Relaxing a bit, she stepped into the shower and as she washed her hair, no matter how gently, more hair became loose and gathered in the drain. The wet hair stuck to her hands and she struggled to get it off. Wrapping herself in a towel and tussling her hair with another, she walked to mirror, the thinning of her hair much more noticeable now at her part. She began brushing it, very gently, and watched as the hair gathered at the drain in her sink and in her brush.

The morning was just all around bad. After pulling her hair back in a way to make the thinner spots unnoticeable, she proceeded into her bedroom to get dressed and noticed how much weight she had actually lost. The pants she had just worn a few weeks earlier were already pretty big for her and her hip bones stuck out a lot more than they did before. Her appetite had not come back any more after she started chemotherapy, it had worsened, and after treatments, she couldn't keep food down for about two days. Granted, she had only had three sessions so far, but it was still enough to make a drastic change on her life.

Sitting at her counter, she spooned a couple scoops of Special K into her mouth as her phone vibrated once next to her.

**Abbey Foster (5:38am**)- don't overdo urself at work, remember we've got ur second annual 'last supper' meal tonight, you're gunna wanna eat all you can before tomorrow xP

Lisbon smiled at the text. Placing her spoon in her bowl, she grinned as she replied back:

**Teresa Lisbon (5:40am)**- don't worry, I'm planning for today to be an easy one, I'm sending Jane out on the field as much as I can to get peace and quiet at HQ. Tonight at 6, right?

**Abbey Foster (5:44am)-** haha good, although you're gunna give up all that staring at him time xP yup, ur place at 6, Chinese food, yum!

**Teresa Lisbon (5:46am)-** shut up, I do not stare at him. :P and yes Chinese! I'm actually holding my breakfast down this morning, so I should be all good for tonight :)

**Abbey Foster (5:47am)-** sure u don't, sure :) and that's good, just try not to work too hard today! I'll see u later, I'm off to the ER

**Teresa Lisbon (5:50am)-** alright, and I'm off to HQ, bye :)

Lisbon slid her phone into her pocket and finished her cereal, topping it off with five pills Dr. Mordan had prescribed to her to ease the side effects of the chemo. Two of them dealt with drowsiness, which was something Lisbon had a hard time handling. It was hard to be a cop who had to pay attention to every little detail while the only thing you could really focus on was trying to stay awake. After her cocktail of pills, she grabbed her badge, gun and jacket and was out the door.

OoO

By that night, Lisbon still had her appetite and looked forward to the moment when Abbey would arrive at the door with the sweet smell of the Chinese food they had previously decided on. She walked around her apartment, cleaning the things she had sprawled out around the room. She fluffed the pillows on her couch and straightened the rugs on the floor. The place looked a lot better than it did the last time Abbey had been there. Lisbon wasn't used to company, even though her apartment was always relatively clean.

Abbey finally arrived at five past six and Lisbon helped her carry the mass amount of food to the kitchen. They set the food on the counter and Abbey turned for a hug.

"How are you feeling today?" she asked as they hugged. "Oh and I picked up your prescription of pain meds from Dr. Mordan today." she broke the hug and lifted the small bag from her purse.

"Much better than usual, and thank you," she faced the food, "I've been so hungry all day, though." she reached inside one of the bags and pulled out the container of orange chicken, opening it and popping one in her mouth, licking her fingers clean of the sweet, sticky sauce.

"Great, then let's get all this to the table, before you eat it all!" Abbey laughed, and they began unloading the containers onto the counter. Moving as fast as they could, they got all the food on Lisbon's table relatively quickly and were both sitting down not 15 minutes later with full plates that were disappearing quickly. Lisbon was telling Abbey a story about Jane after the topic of her consultant had come up.

"He had me fully convinced that we were going to die; he had everyone convinced. I had called Cho, another member of our team, and told him what was going on. I asked him to call my brother, I just, I was terrified, but I tried not to let it show. And then, he told me that if he were dying, he would call me. I asked him what he would say before the words processed in my head. He said _if_ he was dying." Abbey tried to muffle a chuckle as her eyes widened.

"Oh god, what did you do?" she asked, clearly being amused by the story, one that still got Lisbon worked up when she thought of it.

"I punched him in the nose." she smirked, taking a bite of the greasy crab rangoon she held in her fingers.

"How can you not love that man?" Abbey laughed sarcastically.

"Oh that was not even the worst of it." she smiled, thinking back on all the things Jane had stupidly done, things that she definitely had not smiled at at the time.

"Speaking of love," Abbey started, putting down her fork and wiping her hands clean, "I have new news about mine."

"Oh really?"

"Well, you know how he came home for two weeks last month?" Lisbon nodded, and Abbey continued, "Well, the night before he left," she paused, the smile growing across her face, "he proposed, and I said yes! We're getting _married_!"

"Really? Oh Abbey that's great!" she reached across the table to Abbey's outstretched hand and pulled it closer, examining the beautiful diamond Abbey was sporting on her ring finger. She looked up at Abbey's face, a smile was spread ear to ear at the thought of her fiancé.

"I am so ecstatic! He is the most wonderful man in the entire world. I don't know what I'd do without him! Oh you should have seen his proposal! It was so cute! First of all he-" she was cut off by a knock at the door.

"Sorry, I'll be right back, but remember what you were going to say-I want to hear this." Lisbon stood and walked to the door- realizing just _how_ great she felt when she didn't get dizzy from standing up too fast, calling out that she was coming as the doorbell wrung out a few more times. When she did finally open the door, she was greeted by a smiling Jane.

"Hello Lisbon!" he said through his legendary grin, not waiting to be invited inside before stepping past her. Making his way farther inside, he stopped when his eyes fell upon a surprised Abbey sitting at a table toppled with semi-empty Chinese food boxes. "Oh, hi. I didn't know you had company. Ever."

"Funny." she glared at him, "Abbey, this is Patrick Jane, Jane this is Abbey Foster. You've met, unofficially. Abbey was my nurse at the hospital a while ago." Lisbon told Jane as he took her spot at the table.

"Oh yes, the one who approved of our non-existent relationship, yet wouldn't let me see you, I remember." he stuck out his hand to shake, which Abbey took, laughing at his bluntness, "Nice to meet you, officially."

"Yes, nice to meet you."

Jane brought his hand back, folding both of his hands in his lap and looking up a Lisbon, he looked right at home. Abbey's eyes flickered back and forth between them as she watched the scene in front of her unfold and fought to hold back a snicker when Lisbon shifted her posture, crossing her arms, and a look appeared on Lisbon's face that pretty much summer up every story she had been told about the blond man across from her.

"Jane?" Lisbon leaned forward slightly, rocking on her fight in that usual way that she hadn't felt well enough to do for a while.

"Yes?" he mocked her. She waited a moment, her eyes lowing into a deeper glare.

"Did you come for a _reason_? Or just to disturb my peaceful evening?"

"That's still a reason, isn't it?"

"Jane," she said slowly, in an aggravated tone, "you do not want to test me."

"Ugh, fine, grumpy. I came cause you seemed off today, not yourself, as you haven't for a while; I was coming to see how you were." he admitted. Letting his eyes wander as he confessed, they fell upon the orange bottle that Abbey had picked up for Lisbon on her way there. He squinted his eyes to read the white label wrapped around the center of it. "Teresa Lisbon" and "Pain Medication" was all he could read, and all he needed to read before worry and concern took over and he grabbed it and looked at it closer.

"Oh, well tha-" Lisbon began before her grabbed the bottle, but stopped as he picked it up.

"What are these for? Are you okay?" he asked with concern. She snatched the bottle from him before he reached the part in the description that mention 'chemo.' Words fumbled around in her head but she was unable to come up with a believable, convincing lie.

"It's for pain relief in her throat," Abbey stated, "Coughing up as much blood as she had was bad not only overall, but also for her throat. It's technical medical stuff that I don't even know much about."

"Such a big lie, but convincing enough that Lisbon almost believed it herself. Jane didn't look completely convinced, but he stopped the subject.

"Ya, so that's probably why I've seemed differently lately, it's pretty painful, but it's getting better." how many lies would she have to tell? She felt bad lying to him, he obviously cared bout her. _He'd figure it out_, she thought, _eventually_. "Well, umm..." she said after a few moments of complete silence. "Do you want some food? I'm sure we could find a few things left over in here." she slid the small bottle in her pocket and began rummaging through the different boxes that littered the table, finding just a few more pieces of food left over.

"No, no, that's okay, I better get going." he stood abruptly and crossing Lisbon, he was opening her front door before she even left the dining room. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye, Jane." she said, sitting back in her seat, placing her head in her hands.

"It was nice meeting you!" Abbey shouted into the other room, and Jane responded by slamming the front door. "Teresa, you okay?" she noticed her friend's ill look from across the table. Lisbon nodded, rubbing her face with her hands before, looking up.

"I just hate all the lying. I just wish this was all over with."

"It will be before you know it, you'll be better in no time and then you wont have to lie about anything." Abbey said supportively. "Now," she continued, "let's finish eating all of this, you need all the food you can get before tomorrow, because we both know you will not be hungry after chemo."

"I don't even want to think about that." Lisbon sat up and grabbed an egg roll for her plate and smiled contently as the scent spread throughout the room. "But you are right, let's eat."

"Of course I'm right, I'm always right." she smiled.

"Now," Lisbon said around her bite of the egg roll, "tell me about that proposal."

OoO

Abbey had been right, of course, and after Lisbon's chemo, it was almost too painful for her to walk. She hated the way the chemo beat her down, when she saw some people walk out after treatment perfectly fine. She held Abbey's arm for support as they walked down the stairs in the hospital, inhaling sharply on almost every step because each brought a shooting pain through her abdomen. Luckily, as she's learned over the few weeks she's been getting the chemo, this part only lasts about five hours after the treatment, which is nice until the extreme nausea kicks in.

As Abbey helped Lisbon up into the car, Lisbon had an idea.

"While I have you here," she began and she attempted to get comfortable in her seat, "would you mind taking me out to look at wigs, because I really need to do that, and it's not something I want to do alone." her eyes pleaded with her friend, although she knew Abbey would do anything for her and it probably wouldn't take too much begging, but she was in that type of mood; insecure and powerless. Her hands drifted down to her stomach and she pressed on it in an attempt to lesser the pain, which usually worked with cramps, and surprisingly worked. Very little, but it was still an improvement, and by that point Lisbon was willing to accept anything she could get.

"Are you sure you don't want to wait until you're feeling better?" Abbey asked, helping Lisbon with the seat belt, "You really don't look like you should be walking around right now."

"I need to get this done, my hair is thinning so much." taking one hand, she ran it through her hair that was laying messily down at her shoulders, even some hair pulling free during those quick moments.

"Okay, if you're sure you can take that right now, I'd be happy to go with you. But I really don't want you to be in a lot of pain, so if it gets to be too much, let me know and I'll bring you home. We can always come back tomorrow, or the next day."

"No, I want to go now."

"Alright. Watch your elbow," she warned Lisbon to move her arm before closing the car door and making her way around the car.

"Here," Lisbon looked through her purse for the pamphlet she had gotten on her first day of chemo. It had information about wigs and where to get them. Finally finding it, she handed it to Abbey and leaned back, her strength left over quickly deteriorating. She knew physically, she was not well enough to go out shopping. But mentally, she had prepared herself for this ever since her chemotherapy had begun, and she had thought about it a lot since the day before, when she had found that first clump of hair on her pillow.

Soon, they pulled up to the nearest wig shop that was listed in the pamphlet. Abbey helped Lisbon out of the car, but Lisbon refused help walking. _I need to keep at least some of my dignity_, she thought. Walking inside, the lulling music and the smell of incense took over her senses. Plastic heads lined the walls, each sporting a wig of a different length and colour. She and Abbey walked to the wall where most of the dark haired wigs were being displayed and compared Lisbon's hair to the small samples that were placed on a side table, each connected to a key ring. Finally finding the right shade, they began looking at the styles of wigs there were when a petite young woman came over to offer assistance.

"Hi, I'm Tammy," she greeted, "can I help you guys with anything?"

"We are looking for a wig that's the same colour and about the same style as her hair," Abbey said, gesturing to Lisbon's thinning dark brown locks.

"Sure, did you find the colour match?"

"Yes, it's B-37," Lisbon read from the hair in her hands.

"Alright, that's right over here," she led them to the other end of the wall and pointed to a section, "here's the colour you're looking for, and, I'd say your hair is a bit on the long side, so..." she walked over and stretched her tiny body to reach the wig that looked as if it were a replica of Lisbon's own hair. Finally, she grabbed it and handed it to Lisbon, "Try this on, see if you like it."

Lisbon tentatively reached out and took the wig from the younger woman. She looked at it for a second. This is what she would be wearing for, God only knew how long. She would have to keep it a secret, just another thing she'd have to worry about. Not only was the chemotherapy destroying her body, but it was destroying her looks too. Her confidence. Things that made her, herself. Putting on this wig was like accepting that her life was falling apart. That it would never be the same as it once was. Putting on this wig meant the end of the tough, fierce Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon, and marked the beginning of her life as a pathetic, weak cancer patient. She had tried to prepared herself for this, but nothing she could have done could fully prepare her. She felt a touch on her arm, and looked up, her watery emerald green eyes meeting the soft brown of Abbey's.

"It's okay, Teresa. We can come back a different time." she said comfortingly, rubbing her friend's arm. Lisbon didn't say anything, but instead shook her head. She handed the wig to Abbey as she set her hair in a bun at the top of her head and Abbey helped her get the wig on and adjust it. Abbey led her to one of the many mirrors that hung on the walls of the small building and fixed the wig as Lisbon averted her eyes from the mirror. She didn't know if she was ready for what she was about to see. The wig felt okay, maybe a little itchy at the hairline, but other than that, it was pretty comfortable. She heard Tammy's voice coming from behind her, followed by more hands messing around on her head.

"Most people shave their heads," Tammy touched the small bump at the top of the wig where Lisbon's bun was set, "so their hair doesn't bump out like this."

Now she was supposed to shave her head. At least then she'd have a bit more control over the situation, she'd be in charge of when her hair was coming off, and she wouldn't have those mornings when she'd wake up to clumps of hair anymore.

"Teresa, this looks good. Look at it." Abbey encouraged, keeping a hand placed on Lisbon's shoulder. Slowly, Lisbon looked into the mirror and examined the new hair. She almost looked exactly like she had before her hair had begun to thin. The wig had bangs at a perfect length, and just the right amount of curls near the ends to make it look as if this wig was styled just for her. The shade was just a bit darker, almost black, but it was the nearest to her natural colour that they could find, and there wasn't enough of a difference that people would notice. "What do you think?" she asked after a moment.

"I like it." the reply was more of a whisper than she had intended. "I'll get it."

"If you'll be wearing a wig on a daily basis," Tammy walked to where they had gotten the wig and picked up three boxes off the floor from beneath the bare display head, "most people get three, so there will always be one clean and you don't have to worry. Two works also, but most people feel more comfortable always having the back up." Lisbon just nodded, taking the display wig off and handing it to Tammy after Abbey grabbed the three boxes. "These wigs are made of human hair, so you'll have to keep them washed, but more on a every other day schedule because they don't get dirty as quickly as our natural hair. You can style it with a curler or a straightener just as you would with your normal hair, unlike the plastic ones that would melt if you put heat to them."

Lisbon continued to just nod. She was kind of listening, but this was all stuff she could look up later or read in the information packed that Tammy had just slipped into a bag. She shuffled around in her purse for her credit card and paid for the wigs, which were insanely pricey, and a couple accessories Tammy had insisted that she needed, and soon she and Abbey were leaving the store. Abbey had grabbed the bags and threw them in the back seat when she and Lisbon reached the car. Lisbon got in as quickly as she could and buckled, turning to face out the window. She felt sick. She felt tired. She felt as if her entire life was falling apart before her eyes and all she could do was sit back and watch. Maybe if she hadn't of just come from chemotherapy, she'd be acting a bit more rationally, but that didn't matter to her. She leaned her head on the cool car window and heard Abbey's door close.

"Are you okay?" Abbey asked cautiously.

"Mhh-hhmm." Lisbon hummed, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Teresa, if you need to cry, cry." she said supportively. That's all Lisbon needed before the first tear fell, and once one fell she couldn't stop them. The crying quickly turned to sobbing and Abbey leaned across the car to hold her friend. "I know. I know this is hard. But, you are strong. I know you are. You can handle this; you can handle anything." she hushed. "I think you just need to get home and get some sleep. Tomorrow you'll feel much better about everything, I promise you." Lisbon agreed, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Once seeing that her friend was alright, Abbey put the car in drive and began to drive in the direction of Lisbon's apartment.

Lisbon leaned her head back onto the headrest of the car seat, closing her eyes and thinking. Thinking was the last thing that she wanted to do, she didn't want to think about the cancer, the chemo, the wigs, the lying. She didn't want to think of any of it. But she did. A part of her didn't understand why the lying was affecting her so much. She had been lying for her entire life, about almost everything. Her life has been so full of secrets; her father's drinking and abusive habits, foster family problems, her relationship with Bosco, all of which now seemed so less important than the secret she was carrying around every day now. None of those affected her life, as in none of them were a matter of life or death. She could get over the abuse she got from her father and foster parents, she could leave the relationship with Bosco with her head held high. But this, this cancer. It was slowly killing her, and she knew it. But she couldn't stop it.

* * *

**What did you all think? Like it? Getting tired of it? I feel like I'm writing all the same stuff over and over, but not to worry, it will be different next chapter! (I think). Her thoughts on it will change, she will not be depressed forever, just to let you know. But, it does have that type of effect on you, the whole 'why me' thing. But she'll get over that part of it soon :). I've planned out the ENTIRE story already, I just need to find out which chapters the stuff is gunna happen in :) If anyone is on Tumblr and want to get updates on how the story is coming along (cause I post about it ALL the time!) I'm frederickaquintessabiggard, which after it just needs a (dot)tumblr(dot)com and you'll find me! Follow me and send me a message lettin me know you found me on here! I'd love to talk to ALL of you (ANYONE!) about the Mentalist or Robin or Simon or Amanda or Owain or ANY OF THEM! Thanks! :D**

**(review? Pretty please? Pleaaaaase?)**

**-Devon :D **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello! I am baaack! And with a new type of chapter :) It's really long (I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing xP) but it's pretty good, and it changes a lot of the story :) So, reviews to let me know what you think would be great! I have also made a trailer to this, so if you go to my youtube account (LisbonAndHerSheepDip) you can check it out! :) I'm sorry it took me so long to write, life has been so crazy it was just.. ugh. :P But writing made me feel better every day, so that's another reason why I love this story so much. I have to go write an essay now, so I probably shouldn't ramble on like I usually do :P**

**Something I wanted to say also, is the research I put into this story inspired me to grow my hair for Locks of Love, an organization that takes donated hair and makes it into wigs for cancer patients. I'm not used to having my hair past my shoulders, but I wanted to do something to help, and this was the least I could do.**

**Thank you to CY-463, fruityloops156, Jisbonforever, Mentalgal, Juliette101, lysjelonken, MJ2387, xanderseye, Jisbon4ever, Katelyn (u better have stayed up for this!:D), madcloisfan, Jazz248, kate, BeautyOfTheDark-KLM, Trazzle, and jimmel for reviewing! And thank you to everyone who added me to their alerts and favourites! You all are great!**

_Disclaimer- nope, in the little over a month that I've been gone, I did not buy the show The Mentalist from CBS and Bruno Heller. Unfortunately._

* * *

**Chapter 8**

She caught glimpses of herself in the rearview mirror as she drove herself to work the following Monday, the new black wig lying naturally around her shoulders. She was surprised at how convincingly realistic it looked. It was the first time she was wearing it in public since she had tried it on in the store. The last few days had been misery for Lisbon; the day after her chemo she had pretty much stayed in bed the whole day, trying not to throw up more than she had to, as any movement pretty much caused major nausea.

The wig hadn't been too hard to put on, especially after she had shaved her head the previous day. The hardest part had been getting the wig cap to stay forward on her forehead as she pulled the back down the back of her head. After that, the only things involved were tipping forward to pull the wig on and sticking a few bobbie pins in it to make sure it stayed on with the wig cap.

Styling her hair had been like usual, a few soft curls at the bottom and spraying them in place; she could get used to the simplicity of getting ready in the morning, compared to what she used to have to do.

Reaching the gates of the CBI headquarters, she rolled down her window and showed her badge, smiling a friendly smile at Will Fenkly, one of the security guards with whom she had grown friendly with over her years at CBI.

"Good morning, Agent Lisbon, how're ya doin' on this fine mornin'?" he said in his thick southern accent as he walked up to her window.

"I'm pretty good, thanks Fenkly, and yourself?" she loved her morning conversations with Fenkly, no matter how brief they were.

"Can't complain," he looked around, "no death threats, yet."

"Oh ya, I heard about the incident Friday night. I had gone home about a half and hour before it started." there had been a wack job with a riffle threatening to kill everyone in the building if he wasn't brought to one of the agents who had been on his wife's case; his wife whom had been killed in the middle of the night by intruders a week earlier.

"The guy was a nut. Tryin' to get every team in the place on his wife's case. We finally got him to calm down enough to get the riffle from 'im. No one got hurt, we were very lucky."

"I'd say. Well, congrats, but I better get going. Have a nice day, I'll see you later."

"Have a nice day, Agent Lisbon." he patted the car door before backing up and opening the gate.

She drove through into the parking lot and parked in her usual spot. She was touching up her makeup when Cho pulled into his spot beside her. Giving a friendly wave, she finished in time to meet him behind the cars and walk inside with him.

"Morning Boss," he said as they walked to the door of the building.

"Good morning, Cho, what brings you here so early?" like a gentlemen, Cho held the door for Lisbon and she walked through. It was 5:30 in the morning. Lisbon wanted to get there early to get settled and used to her wig before everyone else got there, so she was more curious on why her best agent was also coming in so early. It wasn't like they were working on a big case or anything.

"Elise's a bit mad at me for... domestic reasons. I decided if I stayed out of her hair, I'd make it through the day." he spoke as they entered the elevator.

"Smart move." she nodded in amusement at, well, men in general. The women really did run the show in most relationships, didn't they? Not that she would know, she had never been in one long enough to find out.

"Why are you here so early?" he asked once the silence had become awkward enough to encourage more conversation.

"Same reason I'm always here this early, I've got a stack of complaints on my desk with my name on 'em. Not literally speaking, we all know who's name is actually on them." Cho nodded in understanding and they both departed the elevator into the serious crimes unit. Like Lisbon had suspected at this hour, there was not a single agent on the whole floor- and it would have been that way if Cho hadn't shown up. But no matter, it wouldn't be that hard getting privacy from him, unlike the hell she'd go through if Jane were there. Cho turned for the kitchenette, but leaned back out into the hallway when Lisbon didn't follow him.

"Want some coffee, Boss?" he asked as she made a b-line for her office. She stopped and turned, smiling at the thoughtful agent.

"Sure, I'll be right back." making her way into her office, she threw her jacket and bag down on the white couch and looked into the reflection of the window, darkened by the still closed blinds on the other side. Her hair looked good; completely normal. She even felt well, energized even. She was ready for the day, and this was a feeling she had not felt for a long, long time.

A few minutes later, she was walking into the kitchenette, greeted by Cho sitting at the table. She walked up to the counter where Cho had made her coffee, just the way she liked it, to her enjoyment, and took the first sip. She smiled in contentment and sat down beside him. They sat in silence for a few minutes, each quietly drinking their coffees.

"Boss, are you okay?" Cho turned to her.

"What? Why do you ask that?" she faced him, her eyes masking the fear she felt; had he seen something that he shouldn't have? He couldn't have, could he?

He took a moment to respond, thinking about whether it was worth it or not to continue with what he had started. By the look on Lisbon's face, there was no turning back now.

"I mean, you've lost a considerable amount of weight," he began, silencing Lisbon when she began to protest, "I know it's none of my business, but, you know we are all worried about you."

"... All of you?" her voice lowered considerably. They all knew? They all noticed something was wrong? She thought she had been doing so well hiding it, but she forgot, she was trying to hide things from some of the best detectives in California.

"It's not like nothings changed. You've been eating less, losing weight, you've been quiet and somewhat reserved, it's just... Not you. What's going on?"

_Shit. Shit shit shit._ What was she going to say? She couldn't tell him, could she? What if he told Hightower? What if he told the rest of the team? Could she trust him?

What was she saying, of course she could trust Cho. She'd known him for many years, he was a loyal friend. He was one of her best friends, to be honest. He'd always been there, and she'd always been able to tell him things and trust him.

But this. This was different. This was... Big.

"If I tell you, you have to promise me, swear on your badge, that you will not tell anyone. Not the team, not Hightower, not Elise. No one."

"Of course." a man of few words, those two were sincere and comforting enough, and Lisbon finally felt ready to tell him. Tell someone. Her heart was racing a million times a minute; afraid of his reaction and the pity she had been long avoiding.

"I umm... well a few months ago, when I went to the hospital, they uh... found a mass on my lung. I got a biopsy and it turned out, I... well I have cancer." it was one of the hardest things she had ever confessed, and she felt tears brimming her eyes; the confession almost making it feel like the first time she was hearing it, as if just by confessing it made it worse somehow. And now someone else knew; it wasn't a secret anymore. Well, of course Abbey had known for a long time, but she was her nurse. She had to know. Now it was inside the HQ. Cho knew, he'd treat her differently, treat her like a child. And once everyone else knew, that's how they'd treat her too. Like a child who could no longer take care of themselves; and she knew she wouldn't be able to stand that.

She looked up at Cho, looking into his face for some kind of reaction. While his emotions were well hidden as always, his eyes seemed to be searching for something to say, they looked back and forth, up and down, finally landing on her face.

"I'm sorry, Boss."

"Thanks, but, you know... I'm managing. I'll get through it." she quickly whipped away the tears running down her cheeks, smiling, trying to believe her own words. "I have small cell lung cancer; it's the more aggressive type but we found it relatively early, I guess. But, um, it had spread from my lung to my lymph nodes, so I've been undergoing chemo; which would be why I'm losing weight, because I'm not eating as much, because, well, I can't keep anything down anymore."

"Why didn't you tell us sooner? How've you been going through this all by yourself?" Cho sounded hurt at the fact she had kept it a secret for so long, he didn't understand why she didn't feel like she could trust him with this secret; and he also did not understand her reason for it being a secret.

"Because, I just didn't want all the pitying faces... and do you know what Hightower will do when she finds out? I'll get assigned to desk duty, or worse. I can't have that happen. I can't have everything ripped out from under me. I'm changing enough for now, I don't need to leave the field too. And I haven't been doing it entirely alone, I've got a friend helping me out, from the hospital. She's my nurse, the one I had when I went in for all the blood I coughed up."

"I just wish you had told at least me sooner, I would've helped you. I want to help you." he leaned forward, looking her in the eyes and causing her to look back at him; Cho trying to make Lisbon realize how serious he was being, not that she didn't already. "I want to be there for you."

"I know, thank you Cho. But, I'm telling you now cause I know I can trust you. I can trust you, right? Not to tell the team?" Lisbon's pleading eyes would have convinced him if he had not already made the commitment to himself that he would keep Lisbon's secret until she was ready.

"Completely." Lisbon's eyes were still brimming with the unwanted tears and she smiled at her friend, thanking him silently; she had never been so happy to have him as more than just a co-worker than she was in that moment. Their moment was interrupted, however, with Van Pelt and Rigsby's chattering voices coming down the hall. Why the hell did everyone chose this specific morning to be productive? Lisbon hurriedly whipped the tears from her eyes and pulled herself together before the two other members of her team turned the corner. Making eye contact with Cho, she silently reminded him of his promise to her, and he nodded.

"Oh, morning boss!" Van Pelt smiled as she turned the corner into the kitchenette, surprised to see everyone there so early.

"Good morning Van Pelt, Rigsby." she greeted, sipping her coffee. "All we need now is the life of the party." she didn't need to mention his name for them all to know who her sarcasm was aimed at._ By this point_, Lisbon thought, _it wouldn't matter if he showed up now_, there was no use getting used to her wig before people got there, as the people she was trying to hide it from were already there. "But, I'm off to finish some work, if I'm not done in an hour, shoot Jane for me, would ya?" she joked, picking up her coffee and leaving for her office. She was too much of an emotional wreck at the moment to act normal enough to fool her other agents. She was just happy that she felt comfortable in knowing that Cho would not give away her secret. She could trust him. She knew she could.

It was a few hours later when Lisbon was interrupted from her work by a head of another unit, James Hogro.

"Agent Lisbon," he knocked on the door before opening it slightly.

"Come in," she stood, "what can I do you for, Agent Hogro?" she asked, rocking on her feet.

"Well, I just got a call about a suspected dog fight downtown, and most of my team is on holiday. I know it's not really your cup of tea, but I wanted to know if you wouldn't mind bringing a member of your team and helping Agent Taget and I out." he said, the rushing in his voice not going unheard by Lisbon.

"Ya sure," jumping into action, she grabbed her cell phone from her desk and made her way into the bull pen. "Alright Van Pelt, I need you to come with me, we're going to help out Agent Hogro's team, I'll brief you in the van." Jane began to get up, as if he was going to pester her to let him come, "Jane you stay here, there's no need for you to come, we'll be right back."

"Yes, ma'am." Jane said, laying back into his usual position on the couch, hands behind his head. No argument... it was odd, but nice.

Lisbon and Van Pelt made their way down to the parking lot quickly, joined by Hogro and Taget and they jumped in Hogro's team's van.

"It was reported by the delivery guy from a pizza place, he said that he could hear shouting from the basement and he heard a few dog growls and wines, most likely from a fight. He said they didn't look dangerous, but he said we should check it out. So I have vests in the trunk, but I don't think we'll need them." Hogro began to brief them as he drove through the open gates. "Van Pelt, you and Taget look for a back door and stay there in case some wimps try to run out with their tails between their legs. Lisbon and I'll take the front, we'll try to see what's going on." he handed Lisbon and Van Pelt walkie talkies, "Lisbon, you warn agent Van Pelt if any people head for the back door."

They could already hear the dogs barking and people cheering as they approached the front door. Van Pelt and Taget rounded the back and Lisbon and Horgro went to the front door.

"Mr. Dotson, open up, police." Hogro read the name off the report as he slammed his fist on the door. The shouts within the house were silenced. Then, the door abruptly opened and they were greeted by the barrel of a hand gun.

They didn't get their vests. Hogro hadn't expected this. There were no gun shots reported, no one saw it. Lisbon knew they had their vests in the car, but she knew they wouldn't be able to get Van Pelt and Taget from the back without revealing them to Mr. Dotson, who was obviously miles high if the red of his eyes was something to go by. But she could warn them. She backed up as Hogro tried to talk the man down and reached for the walkie talkie.

It wasn't there. She had forgotten it in the van, there was no way Mr. Dotson would let her get that far away. For all he knew she could be getting a phone to call for more backup or maybe he'd be dumb enough to think she was getting a gun, as if she didn't already have two on her person. Her forgetfulness had been gradually getting worse for a while now, but nothing that had affected the safety of her agents.

Suddenly the voice in front of her began to climb in aggravation, suddenly yelling at Agent Hogro, waving his gun in the air.

"Warn Van Pelt!" Hogro shouted over his shoulder as he followed after Mr. Dotson into the house. Lisbon panicked, looking through the doorway watching Mr. Dotson and a group of men who had come upstairs make way for an escape right out the back door.

She turned and ran. She ran as fast as she could, trying to make it to the back door before Mr. Dotson did. If someone got hurt as a result of her forgetfulness, she would never forgive herself. She had promised herself she wouldn't let the chemo affect her work performance but first forgetting to fill out the last closing case report and now this. She tried to tell herself she'd get there- she ran and turned the corner of the house, and stopped, suddenly overcome by a spout of dizziness. She doubled over, holding herself up by supporting herself on her thighs.

"Van Pelt!" she began to call out, just before the door burst open and the men ran through. Lisbon watched the scene unfold, but quickly grabbed the gun from her holster and aimed it at the men. The yard began to spin around her, and her head felt as if it were 40 pounds heavier, but she made out Dotson who had his gun aimed straight for Van Pelt. She'd made shots farther than this, she could get this. She shot but missed, startling Dotson. And another shot rang out.

At first, she thought maybe he had missed her, as Van Pelt was just standing there. But when Mr. Dotson took off with Agent Taget at his heels and Van Pelt still did not move, Lisbon's heart stopped. It was as if her feet were glued to the ground as she watched. Van Pelt looked down at her stomach, blood already flowing through the now obvious hole in her shirt, and collapsed onto the ground. Lisbon rushed to her, taking off her jacket and pressing it to Van Pelt's wound, yelling for Agent Hogro.

"Talk to me, Van Pelt." Lisbon ordered when she saw Grace's eyes begin to flutter.

"I.. I've been punched... I've been thh.. thrown, I've been tackled, bb-but I've never been shot. And it hu-urts like a bitch." a slight chuckled arose from her mouth before her breath hitched as another wave of pain shot through her body.

"I know, I've been there." she tired to keep Van Pelt interested in the conversation and awake.

"You-you've been sho-ot?" her words were coming out in whispers.

"Twice, I'll have to tell you about it sometime. Compare scars. So just stay awake, stay here, and we'll get the chance."

"Okay, I will." she could tell she was struggling. Sirens became audible in the background, Lisbon hadn't noticed Hogro call the ambulance.

"Hear that? You'll be okay soon, just hang in there." no response. "Van Pelt..." no response. "Grace?"

Nothing.

oOo

Jane entered the almost empty waiting room on the third floor of the hospital. She heard him come in, but didn't move. She continued to stare blankly at the wall ahead of her.

"Hey," he offered. When she didn't reply, he sat down beside her, "it's not your fault, you know. There's no need to blame yourself."

Lisbon just shook her head, "If I had just remembered that damned walkie talkie, or could actually aim a gun, Van Pelt would not be in that hospital bed right now."

"Lisbon, people make mistakes. Besides, you heard her doctor, she's going to be fine."

"It shouldn't have ever happened in the first place."

"Fine Lisbon, is that what you want?" She turned, shocked to see his sudden change in attitude. "It's all your fault. You're the reason Van Pelt just spent the last two hours in surgery, yada yada yada. Why are you sitting here trying to make yourself feel worse? She doesn't blame you. None of us blame you, so why are you blaming yourself?"

_Because I could have prevented it. The fact that this damned chemo is affecting me so much I can't even do my job correctly any more_, "I don't know." A few silent minutes passed. "Where's Rigsby?"

"In with Van Pelt."

"Have you seen her?"

"When I got here."

"How does she look?"

"She looks good for someone who just got shot." he paused, "She asked about you. She wanted to know where you were; she wants to see you."

"I can't yet." she shook her head. Under any other circumstances, she would have been stronger, but every aspect of this cancer was beating down her defenses. "Did someone call O'Loughlin?" she had had Cho call Van Pelt's father already, but she had forgotten about Grace's fiancé.

"I called him, he's on his way."

And he let her stop talking, sitting in complete silence, letting each other's presence comfort the other. Jane placed his hand over Lisbon's hand, which was clutching the arm rest of the chair for dear life. This was almost the cause of the last falling brick in the wall she had been building for so many years, keeping her personal feelings out of her professional life, but she held it together. Van Pelt would be okay, she'd make a quick recovery, she was strong.

But this was a wake up call. She couldn't just keep ignoring her disabilities- a word she despised- if it would continue to endanger her team. And now that Cho knew, she could ask him to help her without having to explain.

oOo

Much to the relief of the rest of the team, Van Pelt's recovery was a quick and easy one. She had been in the hospital for only two and a half weeks, and the team had been planning a welcome back party for the day of her release.

Lisbon stood on top of a chair, hanging a banner that read "Welcome Back Van Pelt!" when Jane came up behind her and tapped her on the back, startling her. She jumped, turning sharply to look at Jane,who was laughing at her startled expression.

"Jane!" she scolded.

"What, I thought you wanted to be told when Rigsby got back with Van Pelt!" he held out a hand and helped her off the chair. "You know, your height always surprises me." he teased as they walked to the elevator where they would wait for Van Pelt to arrive. Lisbon crossed her arms and looked up at him.

"How do you mean?"

"I don't know, I guess, when you're sitting or, you know, standing on a chair, and giving orders, you're so intimidating and _in charge_. But when you stand, I just realize how... well, short you are. Not as scary." he paused and watched her reaction, and then leaned down and semi-whispered, "It's even funnier when you stand next to Rigsby." he laughed when Lisbon smacked him on the arm just as the elevator dinged and the doors opened just in time to see Lisbon's arm in full swing, Van Pelt chuckled and smiled.

"Wow it's nice to be back." she laughed and Lisbon welcomed her with a hug, "I've missed your banter."

"We're glad to have you back too," Jane said when it was his turn for a hug.

"Where's Cho?" Van Pelt asked, looking around for the missing team member.

"Getting pizza, pepperoni. When Jane came back with a cheese pizza, Cho wanted you to have your favourite, so he left. He should be back in a bit." Lisbon said as they walked into the bull pen and Jane led Van Pelt towards her desk where three tiny wrapped presents sat.

"Oh guys, you didn't have to do this!" she said, smiling as she unwrapped the two earrings and new bracelet. "This is way too much!"

"No way, you deserve it." Rigsby knelt down beside her and slipped the bracelet on her wrist, "You've been to hell and back, we wanted to do something that might cheer you up."

"Ha, you're telling me." Van Pelt laughed, hugging each of them for their present. Cho showed up a bit later along with a few other agents from the CBI, each wanting to give their own welcome to one of the sweetest girls in the office. Cho had gotten her a wedding book planner; a 'girly present' in his own words, but something he thought she could use to be a bit more organized with the wedding decisions.

The party went on, and after a while the bull pen was buzzing with many agents welcoming Van Pelt back. Beers were being passed around with great enthusiasm. Lisbon graciously declined one, but ate three pieces of pizza, a food she had not been able to touch for the longest time without getting the feeling that she would be sick. She felt fine, finer than fine. Although she had been feeling better lately, she had realized that she was barely experiencing any symptoms of her cancer, and barely any side effects of the chemo. And she was starting to fit back into her cloths. Her health had taken a turn for the better, and she was smiling with the rest of the happy agents, sharing battle stories and comic relief stories about her consultant who at the moment was playing a mind trick on Agent Hogro, who was a major skeptic, but Jane seemed to even surprise him.

After a while the party had turned all it's attention to Jane and his mind tricks. Even Lisbon sat back and watched in amusement as he hypnotized the agents and 'read their minds.' She felt a presence beside her and turned to see Van Pelt sit down next to her on Jane's couch.

"Thank you for this." Van Pelt said gratefully, easing back slowly into the couch cushions, the fact that she was still in a bit of pain was obvious, but she smiled at Lisbon when she was comfortable.

"It was really the least we could do," Lisbon's face turned apologetic, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you at Dotson's, I-" Van Pelt stopped her from continuing.

"No, don't apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for. I should have been prepared, I should have worn the vest. We all should have worn the vests. It just happened so fast, we got there we got out and went, that it just slipped all of our minds. It's not your fault, at _all_, so don't be sorry, and don't apologize." Van Pelt's voice was commanding and forceful, but still comforting at the same time, easing Lisbon's guilty conscious, if only a little.

Lisbon and Van Pelt sat and watched Jane work his magic. It was nice to have the team back together, Lisbon thought, and to feel as if she were back to her old self completely, minus the no real hair thing.

oOo

"Teresa?" Abbey opened the door into the waiting room where Lisbon was waiting for her monthly exam. "We're ready for ya."

Lisbon followed her down the hallway and into Exam Room #4, where Abbey left her to get changed into the paper hospital gown. Lisbon set her clothes in a pile on the extra chair and sat on the high exam table. She had been feeling so great lately, she was almost expecting something bad to happen, as it seemed all too good to be true. She had more energy, her appetite had come back and she wasn't nauseous as much anymore. Even side effects of her chemo had lightened up. She had just felt all around better.

She heard a knock at the door.

"Are we decent?" Dr. Mordan asked before opening the door at her answer. "How are you feeling, Teresa?" he asked, sitting down with her file and a pen in hand.

"Oddly well, actually," she smiled and listed all the improvements to her health that had happened recently.

"That sounds promising," he said, taking notes as she spoke. Finally, he closed the file. "Alright, first we'll take blood for a blood test, and then another MRI, see what's going on with that and make sure nothing has been spreading anymore."

"Alright," a few seconds after Dr. Mordan left, Abbey came back in with the blood test equipment. She began talking to Lisbon as she swabbed the alcohol on her arm.

"So how's Van Pelt doing? Is she back at work yet?"

"Not back at work, but out of the hospital. She's doing pretty well, made a considerably quick recovery."

"That's good," she finished drawing the blood and handed the small syringe to another nurse. "Ready for your MRI?"

"Do I have a choice?" she laughed. She hated the MRI machine, she always felt so claustrophobic when she was inside.

"Ummm no." Abbey pretended to consider it, leading Lisbon into the next room.

"Then I guess I am," she got up onto the table that would be slid into the machine, and although uncomfortable, Lisbon was somewhat used to it and quickly settled. Abbey got her situated and left for the tiny room on the other side of the big glass window.

"Ready?" she asked through the monitor that connected the two rooms.

"Yup." Lisbon closed her eyes, she hated this part; when the table begins to move under the ring of machinery above her. It finally stopped and as the beeping, buzzing, and knocking began, Lisbon started to think about other things, keeping her distracted from her current situation.

_It's good Van Pelt's recovery went so well; her welcome back party was nice, too. Jane was interesting, as always, especially when he knocked Cho's beer out of his hands and onto his white shirt. Cho took it well, he had a spare shirt in his bad... that man is prepared for everything._

_I bet he wasn't prepared for me to lay that news on him the other day. He's been really supportive and helpful since he's known. Although he keeps trying to get me to tell Jane. I don't know why telling Jane would be so important... we aren't extremely close or anything... not that I would mind being closer... but he's got his eyes set on Red John. He's never stop just to be with me, not that he'd even want to in the first place. He's got any woman he wants available to him, why would he choose me; little miss 5'3" brown haired Sr. Agent._

_Besides, I don't do relationships. I don't last in them. What I had with Mashburn, that was nice... but I don't like commitment. All relationships end in loss, and I've seen what loss does to people, I don't need that pain._

_I've already got this to deal with. And who would want to begin a relationship with someone going through chemo, has no hair and weighs as much as a 15 year old?_

_Although, it might be nice to come home after chemo to someone waiting for me. Falling asleep in his arms. Waking up together... having someone... take care of... me... and Jane, he..._

Knowing she had a while until the scan would be complete, she let the beeps and buzzing lull her into a restless sleep.

oOo

The following Sunday, Lisbon was curled up in bed with a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream watching Taxi Driver, one of her favourite movies. Ever since her chemotherapy had started, she had come to appreciate lazy days. So far on this particular day, she had finished one last work report, cleaned the dishes in her sink and taken out and folded one load of laundry. For Lisbon, this was considered a lazy day, barely anything compared to how she used to spend her weekends.

After her clothes had been neatly put away, she slid her Taxis Driver DVD into the DVD player, grabbed the small container of ice cream with a spoon and slipped under the warm covers of her bed, sitting up with all her pillows stacked behind her.

The movie was about half over, and so was her ice cream, when the phone beside her started to ring.

"Lisbon," she said when she answered it, balancing her ice cream on her lap and pausing the movie.

"Hello, Teresa, it's Doctor Mordan." something about this phone call seemed different already. It was the tone of his voice, and the way his words came out...

"Oh hi," ...as if they were lighter.

"The results came back on your MRI and blood test," ..._happier_... "I have good news." ..._excited_... "Great news, actually."

"Yes?" Lisbon couldn't help a smile as she thought of what could possibly be so good that he would call her at home on a Sunday.

"Well, not only did the cancer _not_ spread... but it's gone. "

_Gone. **Gone**._ The word replayed over and over in her head, but she couldn't believe it. "What do you mean gone?" she asked carefully.

"No tumor; no traces of cancer cells in your blood test, it's gone." he paused and Lisbon's smile took over her entire face, "You've won."

"Oh... my god. It's really gone?" her giddy laugh did not go unnoticed.

"As of now, yes. You're still going to have to come in for checks at least once a month, but you're in remission. As long as you stay in this complete remission, you'll be fine." she could hear the smile in his voice. "Congratulations, Agent Lisbon."

"Thank you Dr. Mordan." she smiled, gratuity evident in her voice.

"We'll talk about this next time I see you. Oh, and this means no chemo next weekend, I thought you'd like to know that."

"Oh, I LOVED hearing that." she laughed, unable to take the smile off her face.

"I'll talk to you later, Agent Lisbon, have a nice week."

"Thank you so much, goodbye." Lisbon hung up the phone and held it in her hand, staring at it. Her cancer was gone. It was gone! No matter how many times she told herself that, she still didn't believe it. Tears started streaming down her cheeks; she had never been so happy. She threw her phone on the other side of the bed and stood up. And the blow of the news hit her right there and then. She began laughing happily, almost dancing around her room. She couldn't believe the news. Only about 6 rounds of chemo and she was done. It was so much less than they initially expected, but what did she care? It was gone!

"I have to call people!" Lisbon said out loud and grabbed her phone again, dialing it... but quickly hung up. She had just dialed Jane's number without even realizing it. Ignoring the small incident, she dialed Abbey's number first and told her the news. If Abbey's high pitched squealing was anything to go by, then she was pretty happy for Lisbon.

"I'm coming right over!" she had said before hanging up. Lisbon figured she had enough time to make one last call.

"_You've reached Agent Kimball Cho, I'm sorry I can't get to the phone, please leave your name and a message and I'll get back to you. Thanks._"

"Hi, Cho. It's Lisbon. Well... I guess I'll come right out with it: I'm cancer free! I needed to tell you right away. I also wanted to thank you. Thank you for keeping my secret. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for listening to me when I needed someone to talk to. You don't know how much all of that meant to me. Thank you so much, Kimball. I'll see you later."

* * *

**See! It was actually a happy chapter! Aren't you proud, only a little bit of angst! That's a record for me! :D Please review, I'm workin hard for you guys, trying to keep it interesting! Is it working? :D**

**Looove Devon :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi everyone. I am SO EXTREMELY sorry it has taken me THIS long to update! I never in a million years thought I would be capable of putting off updating this story for three whole months! But, it's here now! And it's 4 in the morning. Just, letting you all know that. :) I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, it's a bit shorter than my usual ones (but still pretty long, for me, as it's over 4,000 words) but I guess it's more of a filler. Believe me, things happen, but it's just a segway into the rest of the story. For those of you who thought this story was almost done, I'm sorry. Because that means you thought the end of the last chapter was the outcome. No no no, prepare yourselves. I also threw in another flashback of Lisbon's because I was asked a few times for another one, and the fact that I made you all wait 3 months deserved my time in writing a flashback. Hopefully chapter 10 will be up before school starts, but no promises. ;)**

**Again, it's 4 in the morning. That means this was edited at 4 in the morning. Please take that into consideration. ;)**

**I'll stop now. :) Enjoy! (and please review! Let me know what you think!)**

_disclaimer- too tired for wit. No, I don't own it._

Chapter 9

Lisbon was sitting on top of Jane's unused desk, going over their recent case file as her team tossed around theories to each other. She pushed a strand of her wig's raven locks behind her ear while Jane continued on about his wild theory; something to do with laundry carts and backpacks. Lisbon was only half listening at this point, she had heard the theory three times that day. Jane was just so sure of it.

While Rigsby questioned Jane, Lisbon walked to the kitchen and brewed herself another mug of steaming coffee. She'd need it if she were to get through another three hours until their lunch break. While the coffee machine gurgled away, Lisbon allowed herself to take a breather. She smiled to herself when she thought about how comfortable and happy she was at the moment. Work may have been beating the pants off of her, but nothing could take away the joy she felt to be there, and to be working.

It had only been five months ago that she had been scared for her life, worried that she may not make even make it another five months. She never thought anything could really truly scare her. She thought herself stronger than that. But she admitted, it had been a terrifying experience. And she had never been so thankful than when she found out she had gone into remission.

Her hair had started to grow back a few weeks after her chemo had ended, and she got a laugh at the fact it was growing in curlier than it used to be. Her hair had always had a slight wave if she didn't straighten it in the morning, but now she had full on curls, which she had always felt more flattering on her face anyway, so she was happy with that slight change. She was still wearing the wig, however, until it got as long as she wanted it. Then she would stop wearing the wig and tell everyone she had just gotten a hair cut.

Lisbon had started gaining her weight back, too. It felt nice fitting into her pants again, now 105 pounds; a 20 pounds difference to her scary 85 pounds she had dipped down to while she was sick. She had started getting annoyed with having to make her own belt notches with a pencil when all her belts had begun to get to big.

Another major improvement had been being able to exercise every day, instead of just the days she felt up to it. She had complained many times to Abbey when she had told her to take it easy on certain days, explaining that she could practically feel her muscles shrinking by the second. Not only was the new freedom in exercising a relief to Lisbon, but to Abbey.

Lisbon turned her attention back to the coffee machine as it beeped, alerting her that she was only minutes away from the charge she needed to keep running for the day. She stood and took the black pot handle in her hand and felt the steam on her face as she poured the black liquid into her coffee cup. She stirred in the necessary ingredients before joining the rest of her team back in the bullpen.

"But what if he had an insider? Someone working for the company helping him?" Rigsby let the idea out, and the team grew quiet as they pondered the thought. Lisbon settled herself back on top of Jane's desk, waiting for her team to finish whatever rout they were on so she could gather their progress and catch up.

"I could cross process some names?" Van Pelt offered, pulling herself up to her computer, typing away. A few seconds later, a beep of the computer and a proud smile on the young agent's face told them that they had found a match. "Mike Brethour." Van Pelt explained who Mr. Brethour was to the rest of the team, but Lisbon was distracted. She had a tickle in her throat that she couldn't get rid of, no matter how many times she cleared her throat or drank her coffee.

"Excuse me," she said, excusing herself to the kitchenette. She reached for a paper towel and brought it to her mouth as she coughed into it. The coughing became more rough with each passing second. Just like the last time. But that wasn't the only thing reflecting that scary incident that had happened almost a year ago.

The white paper towel she once held now held spots stained a deep red. She was able to catch her breath and register what had just happened before a thought in her head told her she should be making her way to the bathroom very soon. She felt sick. Lisbon quickly threw the paper towel into the trashcan and walked in the direction of the ladies' room until she was sure she was out of sight of the rest of the team, then bringing her pace to a half-jog.

Thankfully, no one had been occupying any of the stalls and Lisbon ran into the first she saw, closing and locking the door behind her hurriedly before kneeling down in front of the toilet and throwing up what felt to be bile, her breakfast, and her coffee. It was a bit more painful than usual, but she felt better when it was over. She leaned on the stall wall beside her, pulling her hand up to her forehead. Once she caught her breath, she pulled a strip of toilet paper to her mouth and wiped it, only looking down into the bowl for the first time as she did so.

Red. The contents of the bowl were crimson red. Exactly what she had been dreading since Dr. Mordan had first told her the signs for cancer reoccurrence. The fact was plain and simple. It was happening again.

She quickly gathered herself and flushed the toilet, throwing the toilet paper in with it. Standing shakily, she opened the door and rushed to the sink, scrubbing at her hands. She looked up at the mirror, her face had turned deathly pale and her eyes were bloodshot. She looked more like a murder victim than a cop. Quickly splashing her face with cold water, she progressed out of the bathroom, practically colliding with a young secretary from across the hall.

"Sorry," she called behind her as she continued walking quickly to her office, only stopping at the entrance of the bullpen, "Cho, can I see you in my office please?"

She was in her office in a second, packing her things quickly into her briefcase.

"Boss, you okay?" his stoic face didn't fail him as he walked in, until he found her in her chair with her head in the garbage can. "Boss?" his voice took on a worrying tone and he rushed to her side, putting a comforting hand on her back as she continued throwing up into the can that now held spots of blood.

"Cho," she said once she caught her breath, grabbing a tissue and wiping her mouth before continuing, "it's happening again. I need- I need to go to the hospital, and I need you to cover for me."

"Lisbon, if it's back, they need to know. They'll find out eventually, and boss, they'll understand." he tried to convince her, but his words fell empty on her ears as she took out her phone and dialed Abbey's number.

"Abbey, hi, it's Teresa. Are you at the hospital? ... I need to you pick me up at CBI headquarters. ... I- I just threw up some blood in the bathroom, and then in the trashcan in my office. I'd drive myself but I've never been so dizzy in my life. ... Alright... I know, I know, I will." she hung up the phone and leaned back in her chair.

"Lisbon," Cho began, trying to gain her attention back.

"Kimball. Please." she begged, all the while trying not to pass out as her vision spun in circles.

Cho stood for a moment, examining his ill boss. _If she's not ready_, he thought, _then I don't have any place to share her secret_. "Okay, I'll cover for you." he turned and exited into the bullpen with the same face he had worn on his way in. Lisbon couldn't hear the excuse he made, but she was again thankful he was keeping her secret. She hated asking him to lie for her. Especially when it came to their team. They were a family, and families don't keep secrets. But Lisbon just wasn't ready. Especially now that she didn't know what was going on in her body.

Abbey was on her way. Lisbon reminded herself repeatedly, even though it was beginning to feel like an eternity of waiting, when it really had only been three or four minutes. But in those minutes, Lisbon had time to think. Cho was right, the team would find out eventually. They needed to know, and they deserved to know.

_They deserve to know that I'm dying. They deserve to know that I've been lying to them for the past year. That I've been keeping this huge secret from them, and I was never going to tell them. They deserve to know that I betrayed them. That it was my fault that Van Pelt was shot. That it was my fault we had our last case taken from us for lack of progress. That it's all been my fault. And then I can tell them about now, trying to keep away from pity by not telling them, but then having a pity party for myself in my head. I'm just a mess. And I can't even admit my true feelings to anyone. And when I die from this damn cancer, I bet I will have never worked up the courage to tell them. To tell any of them-_

Another wave of nausea struck Lisbon, and she bent forward quickly, dumping what was left in her stomach into the trashcan. Luckily this time it had been without the blood. That wave of sickness had taken Lisbon by surprise, and she sat back up in the chair carefully, tears now streaming down her cheeks. _I can't do this. I can't do this alone._ She dropped her head into her hands and cried, careful to keep it quiet, but she felt her body tremble with her silent tears. _I can't do this alone._

oOo

Young Teresa climbed up the stairs quietly, careful not to wake her father or her brothers as she opened and shut the door to her room. She shed her clothes promptly, balled them up and threw them under her bed in hopes the smell of smoke wouldn't attract attention. She threw on her oversized jersey she had gotten for Christmas and slid under the cool, green covers.

She couldn't believe she had just done what she did. If her father were to find out, she could only imagine the beating she'd go through. Not like she hadn't had it bad before, although she wasn't sure how much worse it could get from her last one. She didn't remember much from the night, but she remembered that her father had stumbled home from the bar, tripped over one of Michael's toys and went at him. Teresa couldn't watch as her father hit, shook, and yelled at the baby and she threw herself in.

She had yelled for her father to put Michael down and began beating on his back. He released his grip on the 18 month old and he dropped to the ground. Teresa couldn't believe what her father had just done, but before she could go to Michael's aid, her father grabbed her by the arms, in a grip that was sure to leave bruises, and screamed at her to never touch him again.

Then, winding his arm back, he slapped her face so hard she could feel it in her toes. And again. And again. Until that slap became a punch. Soon she was on the ground, curled up in the fetal position as he kicked her, yelling profanities at her. And that was the last thing she heard before her head made contact with one of the legs of the coffee table and she slipped into unconsciousness.

Teresa prayed she would never experience a beating worse than that. Her brothers had been terrified when they walked in on the scene. Her father had left the room before the two boys had come home, so they knew it was safe to go in. Danny picked up Michael, who was wailing on the floor and Tommy came to Teresa.

"Tessa," he knelt down on the floor beside her, "Tess." Teresa's eyes fluttered open and she looked up at her twelve year old brother, "Can you stand?"

He got down beside her and helped her sit up, and then held her arm around his neck and helped her to her feet. She was shaky, but they made it up the stairs and to her room before she collapsed, luckily onto her bed.

Tommy had grown up a lot that day. Teresa had never been in such bad shape that she couldn't take care of herself. Tommy figured she had a concussion, something he had just learned about in Health. He sat her up on the bed and tended to her wounds. Teresa was so out of it that she couldn't process any of what he was saying, but she knew she could trust him to do what ever he was doing correctly.

Once she was set in bed, ice for her face and bandaids to cover her cuts, Tommy had gone to check on Michael, who wasn't hurt, just a bit shaken up. He was back in about five minutes, and he sat on the side of Teresa's bed and began talking to her.

"Do you need anything?" she shook her head slightly, although regretting it once the sharp pain made its course through her head and down her neck. "You know you really scared me when I got here. I thought you were dead," he laughed slightly, but even through Teresa's blurred vision, she could see there was no humor on his face. "I don't know what we'd do if we lost you, too." his eyes pooled with unwanted tears, and he wiped them away quickly, changing his train of thought. "Michael's okay. Just scared. So is Danny, he's curled up in bed with the covers over his head, refusin' to come see you."

Teresa moved her hand to cover his comfortingly. She wished she could talk and tell them everything was alright, but between her fat lip, her dry throat, and her jumbled brain, she knew it wasn't going to happen.

"We need to get out of here, Tess. We can't take much more of this. What if next time, he hurts you more. Or hurts Michael, or Danny again." he didn't add himself into the list. He was tough, just like his older sister, and refused to show weakness.

But Tommy stopped, knowing now wasn't the time for that conversation. He studied her face, bruises forming on her jaw still, while the others were already turning darker. Brushing a strand of her dark brown locks off her face, he tucked it behind her ear. His love for his older sister was absolutely shining as he covered her with a quilt their mother had made, telling her she couldn't go to sleep, no matter how much she wanted to.

"It's not good to sleep when you have a concussion," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes with water." and with that he left the room. Teresa had never been more proud of her younger brother. She knew her mother would have been proud too.

oOo

An extensive stage of small cell lung cancer. It was about as good as it sounded. A new tumor on her right lung, a tumor on her liver, and traces of cancerous cells in her lymph nodes. She had talked to Dr. Mordan, but by this point surgery wasn't an option that would succeed. She would need radiation. Lots of rounds of radiation.

Lisbon was lying in bed, trying with all her might to fall back asleep, as the radiant clock on her bedside table read 3:15 am. She had been off work for a week and a half, calling into

Hightower claiming she had phenomena. She had given her plenty of time off, since Lisbon was rarely out sick.

Although she tried, Lisbon was unable to get back to sleep, and she slowly pushed the blankets off of her and swung her legs off the bed, sitting up easily and taking a moment to breath. Ever since the recurrence, any quick movement would cause slight dizziness, so she had learned to take everything slow; whether it was getting out of bed, or just turning around. Hence the reason why she couldn't be back at work at the moment.

The floor was cold on her bare feet, and she wrapped herself in a quilt she kept folded neatly at the end of her bed. Walking through the hallway, she made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. She grabbed a clear glass from the cupboard and filled it to the top with chilly, filtered water from her refrigerator.

"You still up?" the voice came from her living room, and she turned to see Abbey sitting up, stretching from her position on the obviously uncomfortable couch. Abbey had been staying with Lisbon since the day they had found out that the cancer had come back, and Lisbon had been happy to have a nurse around the house.

"Did I wake you?" Lisbon said, coming to sit beside Abbey.

"Ya, but it's okay. Why are you still up? Not feeling well again?" Abbey put her hand on Lisbon's head, checking to see if her temperature from a few days before had come back.

"No," Abbey dropped her hand, "just thinkin."

"About?"

Lisbon audibly sighed.

"Everything."

"Like?"

"Work, the team..." they both repositioned themselves on the couch, so they were facing each other, each leaning on an arm rest of the couch and sharing the blanket between them. "my brothers... just, life."

"Have you thought about telling any of them?" Abbey asked, flicking on the light behind her.

"I don't know... I know I have to... I mean, Cho already knows. It wasn't the end of the world, telling him..."

"Exactly. I think they all deserve to know, Teresa." Abbey told her for the fiftieth time since they met, "Wouldn't you want to know if someone in your team was sick?"

"But it's different with me. I am their leader. They need someone to look up to, to trust. How will they feel completely safe under my leadership if they know that I can't even handle day to day tasks anymore?" she sighed again, leaning her head all the way back, "I got Van Pelt shot. I woulda had him, if onl-"

"No more 'if only's,' Teresa. No more. You need to stop taking pity on yourself, and you need to stop blaming yourself. Nothing is going to get better if you keep having this damned depressing look at it all." Abbey sat up, finally getting out what she had wanted to say for weeks now. Lisbon was slightly shocked by the change of pace, "You need to be strong if you want to fight this, Teresa. And I know you can. I know you have the power to beat this cancer. But if you give up, and just keep thinking 'if only', when there is no changing the present, you will never win."

Lisbon knew she was right. She knew she was completely, absolutely right.

"I know," she began, but Abbey cut her off.

"Then show me you know. Show me you know what I'm talking about. Take charge of your life. Don't let the cancer win." Abbey had gotten so passionate about her outburst that her eyes had begun to tear up. Lisbon moved so she could wrap Abbey in a hug. They didn't say anything else on the subject once they parted, but Lisbon stood and placed her now empty cup in the sink, and walked back to her bedroom.

Lying down, she made a promise to herself. By the end of the month, she would tell her team about her cancer. She needed to stop denying it, and face the facts.

Her cancer was back. But she was determined to beat it.

oOo

Back at work the next week, Lisbon was struggling to keep her under-the-weather feelings under-the-radar, especially when it came to Jane. He followed her like a puppy, so she could not let the mask down for just one second.

"Jane," she said, sitting at her desk piecing together new information they had gotten back from the coroner.

"Yes?" came the reply from her white couch, Jane lying on his back, facing away from her desk with his feet in the air, resting on the arm rest on the opposite end.

"Don't you have some work you need to pretend to do?" she didn't look up from her report, but heard his dramatic scoff as he swung himself up.

"Why Lisbon, how could you say such a thing! You know how hard I work, all the time!" he stood, "I am appalled at such an accusation. I think I need some tea to calm me down, excuse me."

Lisbon just shook her head at the consultant's show and waited until she heard his footsteps grow soft as he walked away from her office before taking out her medication Dr. Mordan had prescribed for her dizziness. She quickly swallowed them down with her coffee, and continued working.

"Boss," Van Pelt poked her head in the doorway, "I found that connection you wanted me to check out between the employees and the names in the victim's address book."

"Good work Van Pelt. We'll head out and question 'em. You work the office, and I'll take the rest of the team." Lisbon gathered her things and walked with Van Pelt into the bullpen. She felt bad always leaving the Jr agent at HQ, but she still had some recovering to do before she could work comfortably again on the field, even though it had been months since the incident.

"Cho, Rigsby, and J-" she looked around for her missing consultant, "Where's Jane?"

"He must have heard that I found a connection and took off..." Van Pelt looked, too, trying to remember what direction he had gone.

"I bet he's already in the SUV." Rigsby said with a chuckle as he put his cell phone in his pocket and stood to leave.

Lisbon sighed. She was in no mood to argue today; she could barely process as it was.

"Come on," she ordered and Rigsby and Cho followed her down into the garage. Sure enough, Jane was sitting in the driver's side of the SUV smiling his charming smile.

"Hey Lisbon, wanna lift?" he beeped the horn a little louder than he had meant to and he jumped back in surprise.

"I wouldn't test her, man." Cho said briefly as he walked past him to the back door.

But, to Jane and Rigsby's surprise, Lisbon got in the passenger's side with no word, handing the address Van Pelt had given her to Jane and buckled herself in. Silent looks were passed between Rigsby and Jane, but Cho knew. They looked to him, but his face gave nothing away, as it never did.

"Here we go," Jane said carefully, and honestly a bit confused, as he turned the key in the ignition and soon they were headed off.

oOo

Later that day Jane found himself searching headquarters for Lisbon. He hadn't seen her since they had gotten back from following up on the connection Van Pelt had made, and that had been two hours ago. He looked around the corner into the kitchenette, only to see Rigsby sitting at the small table eating his fourth _to-go_ yogurt of the day.

He turned into the bullpen; Van Pelt was hard at work, always aiming to impress, and Cho was sitting at his desk enjoying his break by reading another chapter of his latest novel. Jane peered across the room into Lisbon's office window, seeing her desk still empty, as it was the last time he had looked.

"Has anyone seen Lisbon?" he finally asked the room, slightly worried as to where she could have gone without anyone seeing.

"Not for a while, no." Van Pelt looked up from her computer briefly.

"I thought she went out to lunch or something." Cho said from behind his book.

"She never does that," Jane dismissed the idea, "she would never waist time when she could be working." the team nodded in agreement but went back to their separate tasks. Jane figured Rigsby would be just as useful, so he skipped asking him and pondered for a moment where else she could have gone. Maybe he'd just grab his keys from upstairs and take a drive, just to get out of the building. Lisbon was sure to turn up.

He walked up the stairs and pushed the heavy attic door open.

"Lisbon?" his eyes fell upon the back of her head, which was all he could see from his location at the door. She was just sitting in his chair, looking out the window. "What are you doing up here?"

"You're right, the quiet is nice. It's easy to think." she spoke softly. He came and sat on his cot, sitting without a word. He watched her for a moment. He watched her emerald eyes dart around as they took in the view out the window. He watched her hair blow slightly from the draft that softly swept across the room. But then he just sat. Without words. And they enjoyed the quiet together for a moment.

"I have cancer." while every voice in her head was screaming 'bad idea,' she finally told him. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she turned to look at his face. She was ready for the shock, the pity, the sadness. But when she did turn, she didn't see any of that. No shock, no pity, just... he looked almost relieved.

"I know." he said.

**Bet that was a shocker, right? *sarcasm* Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it enough to leave me a review letting me know what you thought! I again apologize for the extremely slow update, but I'm here now, that's all that matters, right? *smiles***

**Missed you all! REVIEW :) -D**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi everyone! I'm back, with a shorter chapter than usual. But, it's still over 2,800 words, so it's not REALLY short. :) I'm hoping, that with shorter chapters, you'll all get quicker updates. Wouldn't that be nice? :D This one is pretty much a filler chapter, but it's full of Jisbony (or in my language, Janisbonle-ey) goodness! hehe. Well, kind of... you know, the same type of stuff they give us on the show... for now ;D I'm sorry again for taking so long with these, but life is CRA-ZY. I wrote two pages of the next chapter during school today, so I'll try to keep writing non-stop until I post the next one. I proooomise.**

**Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to Emily (TropicalStormEmily) because she is wonderful, fantastic, beautiful, amazing, hilarious and just all around great. :D**

**Thank you to aerilynblack, Jisbonforever, Juliette101, jisbonplease, , kate, LazyPerfectionist17, wishingformorewishes, chymom, ashley, Jazz248, Agathanancy98 for reviewing the last chapter! I'm pretty sure I lost a lot of readers during my 3 month hiatus, so thanks to you guys for sticking with me!**

**Now, on to the story!**

_Disclaimer- nonono._

Chapter 10

"You know?" her heart began racing in her chest. If he knew, had he told people? She wasn't completely shocked that he knew, to be honest to herself. He was Jane after all, he knew everything. But he hadn't let on that he knew, nothing that she had noticed, anyway. "How long have you known?"

"For a while." he looked down, his worst fear had been proven. He had only been guessing, but now it was confirmed. Lisbon, his _best_ friend, had cancer. And from what he knew, she had had it for a long time. "That night, that I came over your house. Your friend Abbey was there, and I read the label on those pills, for chemotherapy."

He paused and looked up at her. She was shaking her head, probably mentally hitting herself for believing that she had fooled him.

"I just figured they were for you. That on top of the change in your appearance. And, how often does Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon miss her target?" he had a joking glint in his eye. She knew what he was referring to, and of course she had been beating herself up about that ever since it had happened, and that on top of her exhaustion of not being able to sleep at night was enough to throw her over the edge, and tears threatened to stream down her cheeks.

"I just couldn't _stop_ working. I couldn't let it destroy my life." Jane stood and brought Lisbon to her feet, walking her back to the cot so she could sit beside him. "I know that I should have talked to Hightower the moment Van Pelt got shot, so I wouldn't get anyone else hurt. I should have told her right then. But I didn't. I was selfish, in not wanting to have to sit at home all day waiting for my body to slowly fall apart." she was rambling now, and he put a hand on her arm to stop her.

"Lisbon, no one's blaming you." he locked her eyes into contact, no matter how many times she looked away, "No one has ever blamed you, and how many times do we need to tell you that?" It hurt him to see Lisbon this way. He hadn't seen her so emotional since her therapist had drugged her and blamed her for a murder on a night she couldn't remember. He felt helpless; he had no idea how to comfort her, and it wasn't very often that he didn't have the answer to something.

Lisbon took a moment to breath. Between her crying and her run-on statement, she had forgotten that one important step. Something about Jane at the moment made her feel like she could admit everything, tell him everything she hadn't told anyone. It was either the look in his eyes or the touch of his hand on her arm, but what ever it was, it was working.

"I'm scared." Lisbon knew it was not something he was expecting to hear, and it wasn't something she was expecting to hear herself say, either. He could feel his eyes glaze with tears. Over the years they had been working with each other, he had come to love her so much, in their own way, that hearing the fear in her voice almost sent _him_ over the edge. Knowing they were alone, and her defenses were down, he pulled her in a hug, rubbing her back with his hand is comforting circles.

He could feel how much she was trying not to cry. She was holding onto him tightly, and he heard her rasps for breath.

"Lisbon, it's okay to cry." and before he could say anything else, sobs filled the room and she buried her head into his neck. Jane was surprised at the show of emotions coming from his usually tough-as-nails boss, but understood completely that everyone needs a release. She had probably been holding in the tears for a long time now, and he was glad that she was comfortable enough with him.

He ran his free hand down her hair, as he had done in her living room the day she had allowed him to hypnotize her. It felt different though: softer and thinner than it used to. And then it hit him. She was wearing a wig. How had he missed that?

She had gone through it all alone. And that killed him. He figured the woman he had met at her house had known about her cancer, but it wasn't the same. _He_ should have been there for her. She should have let him in.

"Jane," she pulled back, wiping her eyes and cheeks free of tears, but grabbing his hand when she was done. "You can't tell anyone."

"Who doesn't know?" he was selfishly hoping no one from the team knew, because that meant she had trusted them more than she trusted him.

"No one but you and Cho know." she could see the hurt in his eyes after she mentioned Cho, so she went on to explain, "Cho asked me about it a few months ago, I couldn't deny it anymore."

"You could have told me, Lisbon."

"No, no I couldn't have."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"That's not an answer."

"That's mine. I just couldn't."

"But-"

"It doesn't matter, Jane, you know now." he felt her hold on his hand grow tighter. "But promise me, you won't tell any of them. For now. Until I'm ready to tell them."

"Lisbon, you-" he paused when her eyes pooled with tears again. Lisbon was done begging. She couldn't do it anymore. "Okay, okay I promise."

He pulled her in for a hug, and held her to him as she finished crying, stroking her hair... or her... wig. It felt oddly real, but he could feel a difference from her real hair. He wondered what she looked like with the wig off...

"Jane," she pulled away again, wiping her tears and looking into his eyes, "thank you."

"You're welcome Lisbon." he guessed she was saying thank you for more than just keeping her secret. And she was.

oOo

Lisbon was all ready to go. She was in a t-shirt and a comfy pair of sweat pants, ready for her first day of radiation therapy. Seeing as she doubted she'd see anyone from the office at the hospital, she didn't bother putting on her wig, and her short, curly hair remained visible.

She was finishing a glass of water when her phone began vibrating in her pocket.

"Hey Abbey," she said, "almost here?" Abbey was bringing Lisbon to and from the hospital, as she had done before when she was going through chemo.

"Teresa I'm so sorry but we're swamped here, I don't think I can take you today." Abbey sounded rushed, so Lisbon tried not to take up a lot of her time.

"It's okay... I'll find someone. Go save lives." she smiled in the phone and said goodbye.

Placing the phone on the counter, she turned to fill her glass again. After finishing that cup, she placed it in the sink and picked up her phone again, having made her decision on who she'd call for a ride, and headed towards the couch.

"Hi, Jane?" she said as she sat down.

"Hey Lisbon..." he was curious as to why she was calling him. She _never_ called him.

"I was wondering, are you busy?"

Jane had made it to her house and gotten her to the hospital just in time for her appointment, with limited amounts of comments on her hair, mentioning once about his correct assumption that she would look good with short hair.

"Thanks for coming with me, Jane. It really means a lot to me." she said before they turned into Dr. Hutton's waiting room. He placed a supporting hand on her shoulder and they walked inside. He took a seat and she checked in at the front, and then came to sit beside him.

"Are you scared?" he asked, after a few moments of silence.

"Not really," she shrugged, "the first time I was here we did a simulation of what it's supposed to be like. It's not that bad. And it has a lot less side effects than chemo, so that will be a nice break until my chemo starts again."

It hurt Jane physically to think about everything she had been through alone. He only tried to remind himself that he was there for her now, and that was all that mattered.

"That's good..." he trailed off. "You have to have chemo again?"

"Ya, it goes hand in hand with this radiation, because of my stage of cancer, and what-not." Jane couldn't believe how easy it was for her to talk about it. Only three weeks previous he had held her sobbing body in his arms, and now this. "Although, once I have the two of them together, let's just say I wont be a very pleasant person anymore." she laughed, but Jane couldn't see the humor in it.

"Jane," she placed a hand on his knee, "lighten up. I need the humor. I need the laughter. Please." he finally understood. He smiled his most charming grin, and she smiled back at him, patting his knee and then returning to the previous conversation. "So, anyway, if you get a stapler to the head, you know why."

"Teresa Lisbon," a nurse called into the room, interrupting their laughter. Lisbon raised a hand to let the nurse know she was there, and then turned to Jane quickly, taking a deep breath. He could see the fright in her eyes, not matter how calm she claimed to be.

"I'll be right here if you need me." It was almost as if those words had washed her with a new air of security. She smiled bravely and stood, following the nurse out the white door.

oOo

Jane was in the middle of a sudoko puzzle that he was glad that the waiting room had a big supply of when Lisbon reappeared. He looked over her closely. She looked fine, almost better than she had looked over the past three weeks. Calmer. He figured the session had gone smoothly, and she was glad to have it over.

"Day one," she said, sliding her purse that Jane had been holding for her back over her shoulder, "check."

"How do you feel?" Jane asked, holding onto her arm, as if any moment she'd fall over. "Did it hurt? Do you feel sick? Do you want to lie down?"

Lisbon laughed, holding up her hands and stopping him, "Jane, I'm fine. It's nothing really. Just like getting an x-ray." he didn't look convinced, but Lisbon moved forward for the door and held it open for him. "Now if you wouldn't mind, would you bring me home?"

"Of course." He walked past her, mumbling on the way "Driving Miss Lisbon," and she swatted him on the arm.

When they reached her apartment, Lisbon insisted she was fine, but Jane insisted on making her dinner. Just like many of their arguments, Jane won and was soon riding the elevator up to her floor with her. She left to take a shower and Jane found himself rummaging through her cupboards for food to cook. He was somewhat surprised to see actual food filling her cupboards, when before all he would have found would be a box or two of cereal and a few fruit cups. But now, she had actual food. He pulled out a box of shake and bake chicken, calling up the stairs to her once he heard the shower turn off.

"How's Shake'n'Bake chicken sound?" he asked.

"Fine!" he heard back, before the sound of a hairdryer filled her apartment.

Walking back into the kitchen, he was focused on the instructions on the back of the box. After a few minutes of silence, he felt a presence behind him.

"You can't figure out how to make Shake'n'Bake chicken?" Lisbon asked, taking the box from his hands.

"I don't know where you keep everything! Besides, I don't cook..." Lisbon looked at him, shaking her head. She had changed into a pair of light pajamas, black shorts under her jersey; and he assumed the shorts weren't a regular thing.

"Well I guess I'll just have to teach you then. Although, Shake'n'Bake chicken isn't exactly the SATs. It's pretty easy."

Jane watched as she went through the steps numbered on the back of the box. He knew how to make shake'n'bake chicken, who didn't? He just wanted to spend this time with her; test her out. See how exactly she was functioning with cancer in her life. She had been so closed off for the past year that he needed to get her walls down, again. Get her talking again. That one afternoon in the attic wasn't enough to get a full reading on her. Besides, watching Teresa Lisbon cook was a rare occasion.

Soon enough, Lisbon was placing the newly cooked chicken on dinner plates, handing them to Jane and sending him off to her couch, where they would be eating.

"Want something to drink?" she called after him.

"Water would be great."

He had the plates set with silverware and napkins by the time she came back in with two drinks. One water and one odd concoction of fruit and vitamins Jane had never heard of. They settled on the couch and began eating, Jane giving his approval with a satisfied groan.

"You like?" Lisbon smiled, watching him nod and take another bite.

After a few more minutes dedicated to only eating, Lisbon started the conversation Jane had been waiting to have.

"So," she said after finishing another chicken strip, "when did you first notice something was different with me?"

"You mean other than you throwing up blood in front of a suspect's house?" he spoke sarcastically, she just nodded her head, with a light smile.

"Ya, other than that."

"I guess the first tip of was..." he paused, trying to think back, "all that weight you dropped." she nodded in understanding, "I mean, it looked like a dangerous amount."

"It was, I actually got reprimanded by my doctor. But, you know, it was hard finding an appetite, and even when I did, it was even harder to keep food down."

"How long were you in chemo?" he was surprised, but happy, she was being so open. He decided to take advantage.

"A while... ever since I was diagnosed until about 5 months ago. It was hard... and I'm going to need it again if this radiation doesn't miraculously cure me," she looked down and messed with the food in her plate, "I'm not looking forward to _that_ again."

"Well, this time, you'll have me there with you." he smiled, catching her eyes and causing her to smile too. They ate in silence a bit longer, the sound of clinking silverware the only sound in the room.

"How about a movie?" Lisbon offered before Jane had the chance to think of any more questions. "Let's see what's on..." she flipped through the channels until Jane stopped her.

"How about this one?" he asked. He wasn't much of a TV/Movie watcher, but he had heard of this one before and it had sounded appealing.

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Why not, it's pretty good... are you done with your plate?" she brought the dishes into the kitchen and rinsed them before coming back and lying on the couch. "Is watching movies late at night in my living room going to become a regular for us?" she smirked at him.

"Could be if you want it to." Lisbon just laughed, and before Jane knew it, he was watching her slowly drift off to sleep. He stood and covered her over with a blanket. Grabbing the remote from beside her, he turned down the TV. Lisbon moaned a bit, but remained asleep and after turning off the lights, Jane sat himself back in his chair.

He reached to his bag resting beside the chair and pulled it into his lap. Change of clothes, tooth brush, Sudoko puzzle book, and, there it was, the book he had checked out from the library two weeks before. He hadn't gotten a chance to read it yet, and decided now would be the perfect time. He pulled it out and set his bag back onto the floor. Turning a lamp beside him on, he flipped to page one.

_'Understanding Lung Cancer.'_

**Review please! Let me know what you guys think.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone :) I'm back with another chapter, and I hope some of you are hanging in there with me. Instead of having another author's note be longer than the chapter, I'll just go right into it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed last time! You guys make my day :)**

_disclaimer- nope_

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Chapter 11

Lisbon had appeared in the bull pen one afternoon, fidgeting with her keys in her hand. Everyone had been working separately and hadn't noticed her presence until she cleared her through to gain their attention.

"Hey boss," Van Pelt said.

"What's up?" Cho asked, turning to face her.

"I... umm..." she looked back to her office, where Jane had been looking on encouragingly from her couch. "I wanted to know if you all would like to come out to dinner tonight. I mean, it's a Friday, thought we could celebrate the um.. hard week being over." she lied. But, she wasn't about to tell them the real reason for it. If she did, what would be the point of going out at all?

Confused faces were shared between Van Pelt and Rigsby, but Cho had a feeling he knew what they would be discussing.

"Uh, ya sure Boss, sounds great." Van Pelt smiled, still curious as to the reason behind the spontaneous invitation, but flattered none-the-less.

Lisbon seemed to be taken by surprise by the acceptance as the others agreed, and her posture suddenly changed. It was as if she had grown at least two inches before their eyes. She hadn't realized how withdrawn she had been until it changed.

"Great that's.. that's great." her eyes bounced back and forth between the ones starring curiously at her. She had her 'socially awkward' smile on, and she knew it. "Alright, well, we'll figure out where later, ya?" they all nodded in agreement. Each tried desperately to hold back their chuckles, they had never witnessed awkward Lisbon before. "Okay..." she smiled again, then turned on her heels back into her office.

Jane tried to muffle his laughing when Lisbon walked back through the door.

"Jane, don't laugh at me, that was hard." she dropped hard onto the couch beside him with a huff.

"I know, I know. I'm proud of you! - but that was pretty painful, even from here." he laughed and watched her lean backwards into the couch cushions.

"I'm terrified," she began, running her hands through the wig, "what if their entire vision of me changes once they know?"

"Cho knows;" he reminded her, "nothing with him has changed, has it?"

"No, I guess not..."

"Lisbon, it's going to be fine. They'll be shocked, but supportive. They all care about you."

Lisbon nodded, and he patted his hand on her knee.

"All we have to do is survive the night, if we don't die of awkwardness first." she said as she stood and went to her desk.

"Well, after seeing that interaction..." Jane began teasingly. Lisbon laughed, shaking her head.

"I swear to God, Jane..." she was working again, smiling. Jane knew what to say to make her smile, and she realized just how glad she was to have him there. Now, he'd need to help her get through the dinner...

OoO

Lisbon checked the time as she passed her room, still in her bathrobe. It was 4:45, Jane would be there in fifteen minutes. She still had to get dressed, do her makeup and fix her wig before he came to get her. She had decided she would still wear the wig; announcing her cancer and showing up with a dramatically different appearance would be a bit too much for one night, she figured.

Opening her closet, she pulled out a pair of beige dress pants and a red sweater. Not what she would normally wear to work outings, which would be black dress pants and a black blazer, but this wasn't a work outing, she reminded herself. It was personal. Among friends.

Soon, she was dressed and her wig was in place, when her doorbell echoed through her apartment from the floor below.

"Coming!" she yelled, setting down her eye liner and puffing a sound of annoyance as she ran down the stairs with only half of her makeup done. She opened the door and a smile spread across her face. There was Jane, in his usual three piece suit, holding a giant carton of strawberries. "This is just what I needed." she said honestly, grabbing the carton from him and welcoming him in.

"Are you almost ready? Our reservation is in three minutes." he said as he watched her happily bite into a strawberry before she had even put the carton down.

"Mhh-hmm!" she hummed, mouth full as she placed the rest of the strawberries in her fridge. "Just need to finish my make-up, then we can go."

Jane sat himself in her living room while she went back upstairs to finish. He flipped through a few different magazines she had out, but none interested him much.

He noticed the house was a bit cleaner than the last time he had been there. Things were neatly put away, you could almost see the top of her desk. He walked over to it, and examined what she had left out. Doctor's appointments reminders, a few informational packets on radiation that she had gotten her first visit, and a letter from Minelli. Jane reached out to grab it, but as he did Lisbon came down the stairs and he quickly retreated to the other side of the room.

"I'm ready, let's head out." she said, pulling her jacket off the hook. He helped her into it and handed her her purse off the table before they left out the door.

In the parking lot, Lisbon began to turn right, but Jane stopped her.

"My car's this way," he said, pointing to his left.

"_I'm driving_, and my car is this way." she pointing towards her black Mustang. "Come on, we're going to be late."

"Why did I come to pick you up if you're just going to drive?" he didn't budge. He couldn't believe she didn't trust his driving that much.

"Because I needed someone to make sure I didn't back out. You're here, you've done that." she looked at him sincerely. "And I thank you, but I'm driving. Now, move your butt or you can walk." she smiled, and began walking again back towards her car.

For a moment, Jane just watched her walking away. The spunk she still had inside her was amazing, considering what she'd been through-_is_ going through. He wondered how long it would last...

"Jane!" she yelled, interrupting his thoughts. He snapped back into reality.

"Coming!" he jogged to the car, which she had pulled out of it's spot, and got into the passenger's seat. It smelled of cinnamon, and leather. Obviously, she had kept it so clean it still partially had that 'new car' smell, when he knew she had bought the car over at least two years ago. She put the car in drive and drove out of the parking lot.

The first few minutes were in silence, until Lisbon took a deep breath. Jane looked over at her.

"You okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm fine... but..." she stopped, as if pondering her wording, "you're the psychic, what do you think they'll all say?"

He laughed.

"Well, first off, I'm not a psychic, and you know that. But, I think.. well, I think Grace will cry." he began, and he saw Lisbon sigh and shake her head, still obviously in disbelief that Jane had gotten her to do this. "She'll probably cry at first, but she'll be okay. She'll just need some time.

"Rigsby won't know what to say, but I'll bet you anything they'll hold hands. For emotional support."

"I know all about _that_," she muttered quietly and turned to look at Jane briefly, who's attention was out the window, before turning back to the road.

"I'm sure it will go swimmingly, Lisbon, you shouldn't work yourself up the way you are. It's not good for you."

"I know," she muttered again.

"Take the next left," he said, and they let the previous topic casually slip away. He thought it'd be good for her to relax for a few moments before they arrived.

She turned and the rest of the ride, which was only a few minutes, neither said a word.

Lisbon spotted Van Pelt, Cho, and Rigsby's cars as she pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. She turned off the engine, and Jane patted his hand on her knee.

"Come on, let's get this over with." he said reassuringly, smiling his charming smile and encouraging her to smile back before exiting the small car.

What was she really scared of? They would look at her differently? She's told them before: they're a family. They're there for each other, and she knew they'd be there for her.

But a nagging voice at the back of her head kept screaming the opposite.

Jane led her in through the front door, telling his name to the hostess at the front. She smiled sweetly, obviously taken back by Jane's looks. Lisbon rolled her eyes as the hostess blushed.

"Oh, yes Mr. Jane, your party is this way." they followed the flustered hostess, Jane's hand securely on Lisbon's lower back, all the way to a private room. "Enjoy your meal." she said quickly once they reached the table, walking away brusquely.

"You didn't have to pay for this," Lisbon whispered to him before everyone else had noticed they arrived.

"Meh," was his reply before the rest of the party had stood to great them. They were all dressed very nicely: Rigsby and Cho in suits, and Van Pelt in a nice, mid-thigh, dark green dress. Lisbon hugged each of them quickly as a hello, never being one for hugs, but not feeling like hand-shaking was appropriate for the situation. Jane shook each of their hands, except for Van Pelt, who he gave a quick hello-peck on the cheek to, and sat down beside Lisbon.

Rigsby munched on a bread stick while they all decided on drinks. When the waitress came, and Lisbon ordered a glass of red wine, Jane leaned over to her.

"Do you think you should be drinking alcohol?" he asked worriedly.

"It's fine, Jane. I feel fine and they said a drink every now and then wouldn't hurt." she whispered to him, careful not to let anyone else hear their conversation. She could only begin to guess where their minds would go if they heard any part of it. Jane left it alone and sat back up, ordering a tea with his dinner.

As the end of the evening neared, Lisbon knew she should probably tell them then, before the check came and they all began to leave. But when? After they finished dinner? Before desert? During desert? She had no idea, but the anticipation was killing her. She kept replaying what she had prepared to say over and over in her mind._ I asked you all here tonight to tell you something I can only intrust in friends. And that's you guys. I don't want you to worry, it's under control right now and -_

"Lisbon..." Cho interrupted her.

"Ya?" she was startled, she hadn't been aware they were talking to her. Jane chuckled beside her, and she could feel her cheeks flush.

"I asked you what you were thinking about getting for desert." he smiled softly. It was a rare occasion to see Cho smile, but every time he did, they were sure to know it was sincere.

"Oh, sorry, umm... not sure... I haven't seen a menu yet." Jane passed his over to her. And they sat for a bit longer before the waitress came to take their empty dishes and take their orders for desert. Van Pelt and Lisbon had decided on splitting a piece of cake, and the guys had each gotten something large and particularly sweet. As soon as the waitress walked away, Lisbon decided it was time to tell them, and looked to Jane, who automatically knew she was ready. He placed his hand over hers on her lap under the table and she smiled slightly at him. He could tell she was nervous, but she was ready. She was strong and she was ready to tell the most important people in her life something that may change their view of her forever. But she was ready.

Van Pelt, Cho, and Rigsby were busy in a conversation of their own, unaware of the mood change from the other side of the table.

"So, I asked..." she began, but too quietly. The other three did not hear her and continued with their conversation. She felt Jane's hand tighten around her's, ushering her to go on. "I asked.." she tried again, just as each of the voices from the other side sprang to life with laughter. "I..." she tried again. No success. She was beginning to get aggravated. She couldn't wait any longer. She had the confidence now and she was going to tell them now.

"Lisbon, it's okay just try again..." Jane began, but Lisbon had other ideas.

"I have cancer." she said loudly. Each face from across the table lost it's cheerfulness in an instant and stared blankly back at her. Cho was shocked at the proclamation of it, but he looked away, unsure what to do.

"Wh.. what?" Van Pelt stuttered, laughing as if she were trying to tell herself Lisbon was just playing some elaborate joke on them, but her face deceived her. She looked heartbroken. Rigsby sat in silence, waiting for it to be explained while his eyes searched her face. Searched for some kind of sign that she was indeed joking. He came up empty.

"I... I have cancer." she felt the heavy weight lift off her chest as she finally told them. She physically felt lighter now that she had told them, although being lighter at her present state probably wasn't a good idea.

"When, where, how..." Van Pelt's eyes filled to the brim with tears as she rattled off question words, not even thinking as she did so. She couldn't process it. Rigsby still sat silently, sliding his hand into Grace's and holding tightly.

"I have lung cancer... and I've had it for a while. A long time, actually. Almost a year." it was easy to talk to them about it, now that the initial shock was over. At least for Lisbon. Van Pelt was struggling not to cry, and Rigsby seemed as if he was damn near it himself. That's when he looked over to Cho, who was still looking away silently. "Cho knew." she answered his unasked question.

"But you wouldn't tell us?" Rigsby asked, in a mixture of hurt and anger. It was somewhat like Jane's reaction, and it frightened her. Would they be angry at her now? After all of the waiting was just to keep them the way they always were.

"It was hard, it _is_ hard. I just," she took a breath, "I needed to tell you all now because I'm going to be more affected by it than I have before. I'm going to be missing more work, and probably not doing very well in the health department. I needed to tell you so you knew, so you wouldn't be wondering what was going on, and most importantly, so I could count on you all to be there for me." she finally let it out, and took deep breaths, not sure what to say next. Van Pelt was really crying now, but Lisbon could tell she wasn't angry. Neither was Rigsby. They both just looked scared. Scared for their boss' life.

"What do you mean, why are you going to be more affected by it now?" Rigsby asked once he collected himself. He wasn't crying, by any sense of the word, but Lisbon could tell he was shocked, and far from himself.

"I'm going to be going through radiation and chemotherapy, at the same time. Last time it was just chemo, which was bad by itself, and for the last month or so it's just been radiation." Rigsby nodded in understanding, but looked down. He looked at Grace who seemed to not be registering anything being said. She just sat there, her hand clutching to Rigsby's, lip quivering. "Van Pelt, it's okay." Lisbon said, trying to assure her friend.

Grace wiped under her eyes, wiping away the running mascara that was sure to be there.

"You're getting better?" she asked, voice almost a whisper. Lisbon took a moment to answer. She knew she could either answer with a really drastic lie, or she could be flat out truthful. She decided to go with the latter.

"... No, actually. I haven't had any good news since about seven months ago, when I found out I had gone into remission; that meant all the cancer cells in my body were gone." she chuckled; not that she found it funny at it, but it still amused her that her luck was just that great. But, she had been trying to keep a positive attitude about it for a while now, and she was not going to let telling her story stop her from that. "It came back about two months ago, and has gotten a bit worse since. I'm not going to go into detail here, but, I've been trying to keep a good outlook on things. It makes everything easier." She could see Van Pelt had progressively gotten more upset, but she figured Grace needed her time. She needed to adjust and let it sink it. It may not have been happening to Grace, but it was still devastating news for her to hear. For all of them. This was a member of their family, going through something traumatic that they hadn't been there for.

"I'm.. I'm so sorry." Grace said, losing herself again. Lisbon stood and walked around the table to where Grace was seated.

"Come on, let's go to the ladies' room." she said, helping Grace to her feet and holding her arm around her as she lead her to the bathroom down the hall. Luckily, they had been in a secluded area and not many people had been near enough to see them as they walked brusquely down along the wall. Lisbon opened the wooden door for Grace and let her walk inside.

Grace went to the sink and washed her hands, splashing her face with water. Lisbon stood back and let Van Pelt collect herself. She felt bad for being the cause of Grace's tears, but she was more relieved than anything that she had finally gotten it out. She watched Grace dry her face with a paper towel and open her purse, collecting her make-up and setting it on the counter. She began to put on her eye liner when she stopped, setting the eye lines down on the sink.

"Lung cancer?" she asked weakly, turning her head slightly to face Lisbon, but not enough to look her in the eyes. Lisbon nodded, stepping forward with her arms crossed. "And," she sniffed, "what treatments do you have right now?" Lisbon could tell she was making an effort to be someone Lisbon could talk to without worrying about a breakdown every time. She could tell Van Pelt desperately wanted to be there for her.

"I have radiation at the moment, and in about two weeks I'll be starting my chemo rounds again, also." she said softly, now standing beside Van Pelt.

"If you ever need anyone, you know, to go with you, or to help you with anything. Call me," her eyes began tearing up again, "okay?" her voice cracked at the last word, and she began crying again. Lisbon stepped towards her and hugged her, holding her tightly. "I'm sorry," Grace said, trying to, again, recover quickly. Sometimes they didn't realize how close they all had become over the past few years, but moments when they needed each other, there was definitely no keeping them away.

"Grace it's okay. I'm going to be okay," they pulled apart and Lisbon looked into the younger agent's eyes with a soft smile, "alright?" Grace nodded, smiling back and gathering herself yet again, stepping back to the mirror.

"Now," Lisbon said, "let's go enjoy the rest of dinner and we can talk about the depressing stuff later."

"Alright," Grace sniffed, finished her make up and walked back out to the table with Lisbon.

OoO

Although the evening had seemed much longer, Jane and Lisbon arrived back at her apartment around 8:30. Lisbon dropped her bag the second they stepped within the door, taking off her jacket and heading straight to the refrigerator.

"How can you possibly still be hungry?" he asked with a smirk, following her. He watched her pull out the carton of strawberries he had brought for her earlier that evening and take a bite out of the biggest, juiciest of them all. A smile of content spread across her face, and he laughed, grabbing one for himself before she replaced the container in the fridge. "I'm proud of you, you know. Tonight wasn't easy," he began, but she cut him off.

"It wasn't, but it was nice having you there for me. I want you to know how grateful I am for that." she said sincerely, finishing her strawberry and throwing the stem into the garbage can.

"I know, but I don't know why you'd expect anything different from me, Lisbon. I'm always going to be there for you." Why didn't she understand that? He'd told her countless times, asking her to trust him, and even made her do a trust fall. Nothing had gotten through to her yet. But she shook her head and did something Jane was completely thrown off by.

She hugged him. A full, non-awkward hug, lasting more than a few seconds. He felt her grip around his body and her head rest on his shoulder.

"Thank you," she whispered into his ear. Then, after pulling away and heading up the stairs to her room, she stopped halfway. "I'm going to head to bed, see you tomorrow." she smiled.

"Goodnight Lisbon." She looked beautiful in the soft light, her eyes were glowing. A feeling for Lisbon came over him that he hadn't felt before. He'd always loved her, of course, but not in a romantic way. They were friends... best of friends. But, now, seeing this new side of her, he didn't know how he really felt anymore.

Shaking the thought out of his head for the night, he watched Lisbon leave for her bedroom. Once he heard her bedroom door shut, he turned and silently slipped out of her apartment.

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**I hope it was worth the wait. :) I'm hoping to update more frequently with small chapters, so stay tuned. ;) Thanks everyone, please leave reviews :)**

**-Dev**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys! Just as I promised, a quick update! This chapter is definitely shorter than they usually are, but I figured this way, updates will happen quicker! :) I got about six reviews on my last chapter, which was really discouraging, and I almost stopped writing. If you're still reading this, PLEASE let me know, so I know I'm not just writing it for two or three people. It would be hugely appreciated. Thank you to those who reviewed last chapter, every single Review Alert e-mail brought a smile to my face.**

_disclaimer- nope_

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Chapter 12

His back ached. The chairs in the waiting area of the chemo wing were far from quality; far from the comfort of his CBI couch. He had been sitting there for a while now, ever since Lisbon had gone in for her first chemo session of the month. Lisbon's strength throughout the whole thing blew him away, although he knew he shouldn't be surprised.

He sat down the Sudoko book on his lap and looked at the clock on the wall, stretching his arms and fingers out in front of him. Lisbon should be out soon, he assumed, opening back up to his puzzle.

"Patrick Jane?" he looked up at the sound of his name, seeing a familiar nurse walking in his direction.

"Ms. Foster," he smiled as he recognized Lisbon's friend. She stuck out her hand and they shook.

"To be honest I'm surprised you remembered me. We've met... twice." she sat in the chair beside him.

"I rarely forget faces." he said honestly, slipping his pen inside his puzzle book and placing it on the table beside him.

"I was just talking to Teresa, she said you were out here. She was starting to drift off, so I told her I'd come and talk to you." she said sweetly. He loved that Lisbon had found a female friend she could rely on. He could only imagine the awkward 'feminine problems' conversations Abbey probably saved him from by being around.

"How's she doing?" he asked. He hadn't heard anything about Lisbon since they had gotten there.

"She's okay, although she's already complaining of nausea. She used to get really sick after leaving here, every time. Obviously that hasn't gone away..." she drifted off for a moment, "but she should be fine. She'll just need a days recovery time." she handed him her business card. "Here, it has my number. If you have any questions or need help, or need me there, just call."

"Thank you." He pocketed the tiny rectangular paper, "I have a feeling I'll need this fairly soon." Abbey nodded in agreement. "So, have you been with Lisbon through all of this so far? She couldn't have possibly gone through it all alone." Abbey could hear the regret in Jane's voice from not being there for her. She could tell how much he cared for her, and she had already gathered Lisbon's affections for the man.

"I have been... but you'll be there now. And I'll be there to help if you need it." she smiled, patting his hand reassuringly. He nodded, gently smiling.

They talked for a while longer before Abbey realized Teresa's treatment was probably over, and she should help her get ready to leave.

"I'll be right back." she said before dashing out the white doors again.

Jane turned back to his sudoko puzzle, finishing the last few spaces he had left to fill as he waited for Lisbon.

Behind the white doors, Lisbon awoke slowly, realizing how tired the treatment had made her. It took her a few minutes to adjust to the lights in the room and get her eyes to focus on anything, but she soon made out Abbey working around her. Lisbon moaned quietly, and Abbey turned to her.

"Hey," she said softly, "how are you feeling?"

"Like hell." Lisbon replied honestly. The memories really didn't do the actual situation justice; she had forgotten just _how_ horrible she had felt after each treatment. Her stomach was doing flips, her head was pounding. She just felt overall _awful_.

"How's about we get you home and into bed?" Abbey said, taking the IV out of Lisbon's hand and helping her friend sit up steadily. Lisbon didn't want to, but she sat up with Abbey's help, closing her eyes as the room began spinning. "Wow, you do have really bad side-effects, don't you?" Abbey already knew this, but she too had forgotten the extent of it. She helped Lisbon to her feet, supporting her the whole time, arm around her shoulder.

"Abdominal pain, nausea, completely put off by food of any kind; I've pretty much got 'em all." Lisbon said as Abbey helped her get her arms into her jacket. "I should probably call Jane," she said, reaching into her coat pocket.

"He's still here," Abbey stopped her, "he's waited the whole time."

"He did?" Lisbon didn't say anything after that, but walked, unsupported now, _she _wasn't_ going to be seen being walked like an old woman_, into the waiting room to see a waiting Jane. He stood as she walked towards him, reaching out to support her if need be.

"I don't need help." She snapped, realizing only after how harsh that had sounded. She hadn't meant for it to come out like that. She grabbed her purse off of the couch beside Jane and headed to the elevator.

"Do I need to fill out anything for her?" he asked, attempting to ignore Lisbon's previous comment.

"Nope, I've got that all taken care of," Abbey looked over to Lisbon who was waiting for the elevator, arms crossed across her chest. "she _really_ doesn't do well after treatments. Take her straight to bed, and don't take anything she says too personally. She's just not feeling well, give her time." she smiled supportively at him, but then continued. "I'll call tomorrow and see how she's doing. Remember to call me if you need any help."

He thanked her and said goodbye, making his way to Lisbon, who was now waiting inside the elevator, holding it for him with a not-so-pleasant look on her face. He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for after-treatment-Lisbon. He knew she would most likely be very different from his usual Lisbon.

"How are you feeling?" Jane asked as the elevator descended to the main floor.

"Awful." She replied, her voice slightly hoarse.

"Well we'll get you home right away, then." he lead her through the building and out to her car in the parking lot. She had insisted on driving there, but she even knew she wouldn't be able to drive them back. Jane helped her into the passengers seat, trying to not worry too much as she grimaced. He could tell her stomach was bothering her, as her hands never left it. He closed the door and jogged around to the drivers side.

Once inside, he turned the key in the ignition and turned to look at Lisbon. Her head was back against the headrest and her eyes were closed. Her arms were crossed across her abdomen and he could hear her slightly moan as the car leached forward as he began to drive.

They had been in the car for five minutes, and Jane hadn't said anything; he didn't want to upset or disturb her should she be sleeping. They were on the highway now, speeding down the road and watching cars flash past them.

"Jane," he heard her mumble, "Jane," she said a bit louder.

"Lisbon? You okay?" he wanted to turn to look at her, but decided taking his eyes off the road while going down the highway wouldn't be a great idea.

"No, I need you to pull over." Lisbon pulled her hand to cover her mouth. She had meant to bring plastic bags for this very reason, but there wasn't anything she could do about that now. "I need you to pull over _now_."

"Lisbon, I can't, we're on the highway..." he began, but he could hear her gags beside him, "all right." He turned on the blinker and pulled to the side of the road as quickly as he could. The second he stopped the passengers door opened and Lisbon jumped out, not getting very far away from the car before retching the contents of her stomach onto the grass. Jane got out and went beside her, holding back her hair off her face and rubbing her back gently. He was practically supporting her body weight, holding her up the way he was. She had told him how badly the treatments affected her, but he never imagined they would be _this_ bad.

When Lisbon felt as though nothing else would come up, she pulled herself into Jane's body, shaking lightly.

"Come on," he said as he hugged her, "let's get you home." He walked her back to the car and helped her inside, even going as far as buckling her into the seat. She didn't protest, however, but wrap her arms around herself again and attempted to fall back asleep.

Jane would never admit it, but it scared him to see his Lisbon like this. Vulnerable, and sick, and scared. He... wait.. _his_ Lisbon?

OoO

They reached Lisbon's flat fifteen minutes later and Jane had not wanted to wake Lisbon up. She seemed peaceful, and he figured peaceful was hard for her to find after treatments.

"Lisbon," he gently tapped her on the shoulder, "Lisbon if you don't wake up I'll be forced to carry you through your apartment building." He said with a smile. She didn't budge, and Jane took that as a go-ahead. She would kill him later, when she found out.

He unbuckled her and lifted her into his arms, honeymoon style. She shifted into a comfortable position, her arm going around his neck. She was light, _too_ light. Way too light to be healthy. As he closed the door, he decided he'd spare Lisbon some of the embarrassment and take her up by the back stairs.

He reached her door, and suddenly had the urge to face-palm himself. He left her purse in the car, and her door was locked.

"Damn it." he whispered, waking the sleeping Lisbon in his arms, even if just for a moment.

"Behind the picture frame." she murmured into his shoulder before passing out again. He just stood for a moment. What picture frame? He looked around him, and then he saw it. A few feet down the hall hung a large painted portrait of the state capital. He shifted her weight in his arms to free one of his hands, and pulled the portrait off the wall, turning it around. Sure enough, there was a tiny golden key taped to the back. Lisbon _would_ find a less obvious way to prepare herself should she ever forget her keys, although he doubted she ever did. Peeling the key off of the back of the picture frame he held it between his lips as he put the painting back on the wall.

Although Lisbon was very light, he was carrying her for so long now it felt as if she was gaining weight right then and there. He finally got the door open and took Lisbon to her room, lying her down on her bed and covering her with a blanket. He figured he'd let her sleep until she felt well enough to change into her pajamas and get into bed.

He went back down the stairs and into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. Although he felt horrible about Lisbon being in so much pain, it felt good to know she _needed_ him. She never allowed herself to show venerability, so this side of Lisbon was new and strange to him. He wasn't sure how to handle it sometimes, however. He was afraid if he did too much, she'd snap at him, but if he didn't do enough, she wouldn't feel as if she were being taken care of properly.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a door slam from the floor above. He all but ran up the stairs and into her room to see the door to the connected bathroom was the source of the noise. He knocked on it gingerly.

"Lisbon?" he called inside. He was answered by Lisbon getting sick into the toilet. "Lisbon?" he said worriedly, opening the unlocked door and coming to sit beside her. He could see her eyes were tearing up but he wasn't sure if she was actually crying or if it was just from the strain of trying to throw up things that weren't there. There wasn't much left in her stomach by this point, but to Lisbon it felt as if her body was determined to get sick until her stomach _itself_ came up.

The gagging subsided and she sat down on the cold, tiled floor. Jane pulled her back to rest for a moment, leaning her against his chest as she took deep breaths in and out.

"Do you want to get into your pajamas?" he asked her. She only nodded and he slowly got up and helped her to her feet, guiding her into her bedroom.

Lisbon moved slowly, creakily. She opened her dresser drawers and pulled out a pair of flannel pajamas. Jane stood outside Lisbon's bedroom door while she got changed until she called for him. By the time he got back, she was already pulling down the covers in her bed. She slipped inside them and turned on her side, allowing the sheets to cool her down.

Jane sat on the side of the bed and did something he knew she would _never_ allow, had she been fully herself. He laid along the edge and played with her hair, calming her and hypnotizing her into a peaceful sleep.

"Goodnight Lisbon." He said as he watched her eyes flutter closed.

"Goodnight Patrick." She mumbled into her pillow. Something about her calling him by his first name gave him chills, but in a good way. He was excited, yet maybe a bit nervous, at his new feelings for his spit-fire of a boss. He didn't know how he should respond to them, or what he should do. But he knew right now, Lisbon didn't need him like that. She deserved more than that, more than him.

Once he was finished hypnotizing her, he would go and make himself some lunch, as he realized it was actually only one in the afternoon. Jane wondered what he could make for Lisbon to eat. Would she be able to hold down crackers? Maybe a strawberry or two would make her feel better...

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**Review! :)**

**-Devon**


	13. Chapter 13

**Enjoy :)**

_disclaimer- I don't own it. Just borrowing._

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Chapter 13

Jane sat at Lisbon's bedside as she finished her glass of water. It was her third within the hour; that was the first thing he noticed about Treatment Teresa, she was always thirsty. He had read about all the side effects of chemo, so he had been fully prepared for them all; and he did quite well, if he did say so himself.

Lisbon was happy to have him there. She was beginning to truly realize how stupid she had been for wanting to go through treatments by herself, especially as, although she hated admitting it, she was getting weaker.

She tried to convince herself that she was fine, but she was noticing it more and more. She couldn't be on her feel long, she got tired even quicker than she used to, and it took longer to recover her breath after laughing or coughing. Not that she felt like she was getting worse... not from the cancer anyway. But she did definitely feel the strain of the treatments.

Jane had been there for her past two treatments, which has been the two past Fridays. This was the last Friday before her treatments were to be moved to every weekday for a week, and then one week off. Her current treatments weren't doing much now, so her doctors had decided together to up the amounts.

She shakily handed the empty glass to Jane and rested her head back on her pillow. He brushed her bangs out of her face while her eyes fluttered shut. Soon she was asleep, and he quietly picked himself up and walked down the stairs.

He didn't have much to do. He had already cleaned and vacuumed her entire bottom floor. He washed her sheets she had gotten sick in the night before, he scrubbed her bathroom, he cleaned out her refrigerator. He had no idea what to do next. It was answered for him when he heard retching noises from Lisbon's bedroom.

He leapt up the stairs and was soon by her side, bringing the pan they had at her bedside below her mouth. He rubbed her back and held her hair as she emptied her stomach. It began to come in small bursts. She would rest for a few seconds and start again. And again. And again. Until her throat was soar and her eyes were watered up and red.

"I'm sorry." she said quietly, wiping her mouth with the dishcloth on her bedside table. She was still hunched over, her head feeling as if it weighed 100 pounds.

"Don't be silly," he pulled the pan onto the floor and helped her to her feet, guiding her downstairs to the couch. "Stay on the couch until I've changed your sheets, alright?" he said gently, sitting her down. She laid back and pulled a blanket over herself. Jane grabbed her another glass of water from the kitchen and made his way back up the stairs with the freshly cleaned sheets.

Two months ago and he would have felt sick at the sight and smell of vomit, but not any more. Not only had he gotten used to it, but it was just a reminder of how much Lisbon really did need him. He stripped her bed and threw the sheets in the corner of the room. He was never one for homey-things, such as making the bed and cleaning the house, but this whole situation had changed him. He liked doing these things for Lisbon, especially knowing that once she was better, she'd never let him do them again. No, no one takes care of Lisbon when she's capable of doing it herself. He also realized that she had other ideas most of the time. Usually, it was 'No one takes care of Lisbon _period_.' But just for now, he knew he could enjoy it without her fighting him.

After struggling with the sheets, he got them on relatively well and sprayed her room with air freshener. The spray didn't have a particular scent to it, in fear that in itself would make Lisbon sick, but it did a very good job covering up the smell that was already there.

The bed was made, the pillows were in their new cases, and the room smelt much better. Jane picked up the pan from the floor, bringing it into the bathroom and pouring the contents into the toilet. No matter how strong stomached Jane had become, he still couldn't bring himself to actually watch this process until he was ready to flush it. He pushed the flush and rinsed the pan out with water in the bath, and set it back in it's place beside Lisbon's bed.

Heading back downstairs, he would bring Lisbon back up to bed and probably try to catch some sleep while she sleep. Nowadays, it was rare that he got over three hours, which was even less than he used to get.

As he reached the bottom of the steps, he noticed Lisbon wasn't on the couch anymore.

"Lisbon?" he began to get worried, unreasonably or not, and rushed down to the bottom of the stairs. He looked into the kitchen and saw Lisbon leaning up against the fridge, slowly drinking a glass of ice water. "Lisbon I would have gotten that for you." he said coming towards her and helping her to her feet.

"I couldn't wait... besides, I don't need you to do everything for me." she slightly shook his arms off from around her and walked to the stairs, both hands still grasping the cup. He could see a small layer of sweat coating her face and neck, and began to worry if she had a temperature.

"Lisbon," he jogged up to meet beside her before she began on the stairs, "don't hurt me..." he joked before placing the back of his hand on her forehead. "Lisbon you have a temperature."

"So," she shrugged, beginning to take the first step. He could tell she wasn't all there. Her eyes were half open, and she was shivering. She had only gotten about an hour of sleep since the night before, so he knew she was probably dying to get back to bed, but he had to do something to bring her fever down.

"Come on," he led her to her bed and sat her down, Lisbon still sipping at her water. He grabbed a thermometer from the medicine cabinet, "if it's over 101," he told her, "you're taking a cold bath." He remembered caring for his daughter when she had high temperatures. He remembered forcing her into the ice-filled bathtub when she had a temperature of 105. He remembered how worried Angela had been, and how cold Charlotte kept crying out that she was. As the beeping of the thermometer began, he shook the memories away and read the numbers that were flashing red before him.

"Lisbon, you're at 103.4." He knew there was no reason to worry too much, if he could get it down quickly. "Come on." He tried pulling her to her feet but she refused.

"Jane, no." she mumbled, a hand pulling through her ratted hair.

"Having this high a temperature can't be good for you, we need to get it down," she was persistent in her refusal, setting her glass down on the table before falling backwards into the bed and rolling over. "Lisbon, you're acting like a child."

"I'm not letting you put me in the bath." She argued. She did have a point...

"Then I'll run it for you and let you in there by yourself, but we both know I'm going to need to help you out. Any ideas?" he watched her shake her head from behind.

Jane sat in the chair at the opposite wall. Lisbon was really stubborn, he knew that, but he thought she had more common sense then this. Didn't she know how bad having a high temperature was, especially in her condition.

"Lisbon," he called to her. He didn't get a response. "Lisbon!" he raised his voice. He didn't want to admit it, but he was beginning to get irritated.

"Fine." Jane heard Lisbon mumble, but she made no movement to get up.

"I'll go run the bath, maybe while I'm gone you can stop acting like a child," he smirked as he left the room, "I thought that was _my_ job."

Lisbon heard him shut the bathroom door behind himself, and she closed her eyes. Maybe when she finished her bath, she would sit until the water was gone and wrapped the towel around herself before she called Jane in to help. Although, she figured that would be rather cold. Turning over in her bed, she spotted the wooden chair across the room. Maybe she wouldn't need Jane at all...

When Jane came back into Lisbon's bedroom, he was surprised to see her in her bathrobe already, but lying down on the bed, sleeping. The wooden chair from across the room was beside the bathroom door. Jane crouched beside the bed, his face level with Lisbon's.

"Lisbon," he gently nudged her on the shoulder and felt her head. It still felt hot. He watched her eyes flutter and then open, watching them slowly focus and recognize him. "your bath is ready."

She didn't speak, but sat up slowly, and Jane helped her to her feet.

"I set a towel down at the bottom of the tub, since last time you complained about it being too hard and uncomfortable." Lisbon had noticed that she was so skinny, that the last time she took a bath her tailbone sat roughly against the hard plastic. She had completely forgotten about that, so she was glad Jane remembered. "It's cool water, so we can get your temperature down."

"Bring the chair," she said, "I'll put it next to the bathtub, and I'll use it to help myself up after I'm done if I need it, so you don't need to come in." Jane chuckled fondly at Lisbon, struggling to be independent.

"Okay, but I'm going to sit outside the door, incase you need me." Lisbon walked into the bathroom and began untying her bathrobe, and Jane took that as a sign to stay outside.

"Thanks Jane," she said halfheartedly, shutting the door behind herself.

Jane's exhaustion hit him like a slap in the face as soon as the door closed, and he made his way to Lisbon's bed, lying amongst the wrinkled sheets. He slept little as it was, but taking care of Lisbon left even less time to sleep than he had before. He stretched his limbs before he let himself have a quick cat-nap. If Lisbon needed him, she'd holler.

From inside the bathroom, Lisbon was already relaxing beneath the cool water. The towel on the floor of the tub definitely made a difference._ I'm so boney it's disgusting_, she thought. She had never been this skinny in her entire life, and it definitely wasn't healthy. But her cancer had made no changes for a while, no progression nor decrease. Nothing to get more worried about nor anything to be happy about. At the moment she was just... there.

Her fingers were beginning to get pruney, but her body felt completely relaxed which was so rare that she wanted to relish in the moment. Feeling her forehead, she felt like she was beginning to cool down, which was good. Fevers were never a good thing, however frequent they had become. Fevers meant even more vomit than normal, in her case.

After about 30 minutes in the tub, Lisbon was surprised not to be called to by Jane every five minutes. Perhaps he had gone downstairs to get a cup of tea, or decided to read a book and had just lost time. Lisbon pushed the plug down, draining the chilling water from the tub. She stood slowly but steadily. She always felt refreshed for the first few minutes after a bath. She also felt 90% better than she had all day, which was a nice change. She stepped out, refusing to touch the chair for support if she didn't need it. She wrapped a green bath towel around her body and her hair in another.

Lisbon held the towel up as she walked back into her bedroom. A gentle smile grew on her face at the sight of Jane sleeping soundly on top of her sheets. _He really deserves a rest_, Lisbon thought. She pulled a blanket from the base of the bed and covered Jane, who snuggled deeper into her pillow. Gathering her clothes, she headed downstairs to change, looking back at Jane briefly before flicking off the lights and closing the door behind herself.

oOo

Now fully clothed and feeling a lot better, Lisbon decided on having two pieces of buttered toast and a cup of black coffee. With her food ready, Lisbon sat at her desk and opened a case file Jane had brought over the day before. They had discussed it briefly; Jane had explained that the team was having trouble with it. But, reading through, Lisbon was losing faith in herself. She had no ideas, no theories, no inklings, no nothing. She sat at her desk for two hours. She'd lost her touch.

Jane had been asleep for about four and a half hours. Lisbon was happy he was getting sleep, and giving her time to be by herself. She got to prove to herself she could be independent if she wanted to.

It was around 6pm before Lisbon decided she should wake Jane for dinner. She hadn't bothered to make anything, as she was getting increasingly tired even though she was just sitting in front of the television. She began flipping through her take-out menus from various locations, trying to remember what she and Jane had gotten a few nights before that they had both enjoyed and had been surprisingly soothing to her stomach. Giving up and deciding to just ask Jane when he woke up, Lisbon pulled the blanket off of herself and made her way up the stairs.

She knocked on the door lightly before opening it and peering in.

"Jane?" She heard no response but saw him role over to his side, facing away. She smiled, walking over to the bed and crawling on top of it, sitting on her feet and nudging Jane's shoulder. "Jane, wake up."

"Hmmm?" She heard him mumble.

"Jane," she said again, resting her hand on his arm, waiting for him to open his eyes.

"Teresa?" He asked, his voice filled with confusion, his eyes still closed.

"Yep." She laughed. Deciding it would be a while before Jane woke completely, Lisbon lowered herself onto the bed, resting her head on her pillow. Jane seemed to be radiating heat, and Lisbon moved herself closer to him.

"Lisbon?" Jane said almost incoherently.

"Yeah Jane?" Lisbon's eyes began to droop, also. She yawned, realizing she had spent more time awake that day than she had in a long time.

She didn't get a reply from Jane. At least, she didn't think she did. She fell asleep before she could hear what Jane had been about to say. As her head drooped to the side, Jane turned in his sleep and grabbed her hand, holding it as they both drifted off to their respective dreams, where they were both healthy, and happy.


	14. Chapter 14

**Wow. It's been eight months since my last chapter. That is insane, and I apologize. This chapter has been beating my butt, and I'm pretty sure I have been writing it for the 8 months that is has taken me to get it up. It's very short, but hopefully it'll do for now. I need to finish this story. 1: because it's time. And 2: because now it hits a little close to home for me. My cousin was recently diagnosed with Lymphoma, so I have a feeling that will be influencing this story quite a bit. I hope I have a reader or two left, just so I don't have to make the journey to the end of this story alone. I hope you are all well in your lives, and enjoying the holiday season. Please review and give me your thoughts, I would love that. Thank you.**

_Disclaimer- none of it is mine._

Chapter 14

Lisbon hadn't been in the office for about two weeks. It felt weird being driven past the gaits by someone else. She waived across Jane to the guards as he drove them into the parking lot of the CBI. He parked near the front, knowing they'd be leaving again soon anyway. Lisbon had come into work with Jane so he wouldn't need to drive all the way back to her house to get her for chemo. She told him she had some things she needed to grab from her office and she'd go with him, and they'd head out from there. He had agreed, but made her promise she wouldn't do any work. Jane tried his best to keep Lisbon's stress level down, but when he was a big source of the stress half the time, it didn't work very well.

Lisbon noticed the odd looks they got from other people as they walked through the lobby and into the elevator. It seemed like everyone was watching them as the doors closed between them.

"Did you see that?" Lisbon asked him, wondering if her mind had been playing tricks on her and everyone hadn't watched them walk through the room.

"See what?" Jane had definitely seen something, but he figured if he didn't tell her, she'd forget about it and she wouldn't make a big deal.

"Nothing." Lisbon said as the doors opened into the SCU. They walked down the hallway into their bullpen, and Rigsby looked up from his desk.

"Hey Boss!" He said, standing to come closer. It was rare that any of the team members saw Lisbon anymore. She liked to keep herself at home, away from the judgmental eyes of people she didn't know. Much like what she had encountered downstairs... "What are you guys doing here?"

"I have chemo at 10, but I thought I'd come with Jane. Maybe Cho can get him to actually do a little work before he brings me to the clinic." Lisbon laughed, sitting herself by Jane, who had taken a seat on his couch.

"Haha, that's funny." Cho said straight faced as he entered the bullpen. "But Jane, I'm glad you're here. We need you to come with us, we're just about to leave for a crime scene."

"I can't, I have to bring Lisbon-" Jane began, but Van Pelt cut in as she walked into the conversation.

"Jane, I can take Lisbon to chemo, I have some sick days built up and I was in need of one anyway." she turned to Lisbon, suddenly worried about how her boss felt about her offer, "If it's okay with you, of course."

Lisbon didn't take long to think about it, "Of course, I'd love it if you came." she smiled, and rocked on her feet like she used to. She turned to Jane, "You go do something useful."

When Van Pelt went to her desk and Cho and Rigsby went off of their respective cars, Jane came up to Lisbon privately.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? I mean... I'd like to be there, at your session today."

"Jane it's fine... you have work. Go," she shooed him away and shot him a smile, "I'll be okay." Jane said nothing else but left with Cho and Rigsby out the bullpen.

"I just need to finish up this paperwork, it'll just take a minute." Van Pelt smiled and Lisbon nodded, heading in the direction of the kitchenette. It was different, they had put in a small island in the middle of it and moved the sink. Although it was something so simple as just a rearrangement of a kitchen, it felt to Lisbon as something bigger. Something more important. The CBI had moved on without her. Life had gone on.

Lisbon walked to the cupboard and grabbed a glass, filling it to the brim with the tap water from the new sink. She drank it slowly while she examined the rest of the kitchenette. Not much had changed.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the tall red head walked through the kitchenette door, "Do you want to head over now?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure." Lisbon set her glass in the sink and followed Grace to the car. Their walk was silent, but there was unspoken gratitude in the air. It wasn't until they were both seated and buckled in Grace's car that they began to talk.

"We really miss you around here," Van Pelt said as she turned the key in the ignition, "it's weird not having you around all the time." Lisbon laughed.

"It's weird for me too." Lisbon looked out the window, "I do have Jane, so it's not like I've gone completely cold-turkey with the CBI crew."

"Yeah, I was going to ask you about that," Van Pelt pulled the car out of the parking space and continued out of the CBI parking lot, "what's up with you two?"

Lisbon looked to Grace, expressing most of the question on her face, "What do you mean?"

"You guys just seem... different. The whole CBI is talking about it, there's even a rumor that you're-" Grace's face blushed and she stopped herself, this was not a conversation she wanted to be having, why did she have to bring it up?

"That we're what?"

"That you're... _sleeping together._" Grace whispered her words as if not to be heard by a bystander.

"What?!" _That's impossible! What would give people that impression? Lisbon thought. Just because I'm sick and I need someone with me, it can't be on a strictly friendship basis?_ Lisbon could feel her blood boil. She knew something like this was bound to happen at some point, but she could never have guessed how it would make her feel. Wasn't it enough that she was going through something as drastic as cancer? Did people really need to be spreading rumors?

"I mean, I haven't said anything to anyone, but that's mostly cause I wasn't sure myself. I mean, you guys seem to be getting awfully close..." Grace continued, unaware at the fiery temper building behind the petite agent's eyes.

"No of course we are not sleeping together!" Lisbon defended her and Jane's relationship.

"Yeah yeah I didn't think so," Grace was apologetic about her disbeliefs, "I didn't mean to say anything, just forget I brought it up." She attempted to dismiss a subject that was not easily forgotten.

"Grace, if we're going to be friends, you're going to need to be more comfortable around me," Lisbon laughed, "I mean, God, what'll happen after chemo today when I'm vomiting out your car window!" She laughed again, only realizing Grace had not completely picked up on the fact that she was joking, "... Grace I won't do that, I'm just kidding." She laughed at the younger agent's awkwardness, even after all of the years together, and after a moment had passed, "I'll definitely ask you to pull over before I start to heave..."

Both women laughed at Lisbon's last comment, pulling into the hospital entrance. Grace parked a bit away from the hospital, but it was the only free spot left.

"You may have to pull the car up to the front to get me, I won't be in the mood for a long stroll to the car," Grace was very taken aback by Lisbon's nonchalantness about the whole thing, but she didn't expect any less from her tough boss. Lisbon unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to Grace, "here we go."

Lisbon was situated in her chair and the nurse had just finished putting the IV into her arm when Van Pelt returned from her coffee trip. She was taken aback at first, when she entered the room full of 10 other chemo patients. Her boss looked so tiny in the chair, covered in a big blue blanket. Van Pelt was practically baking in the warm room, she wondered why each of the patients had such a large amount of blankets on them.

"Pull up a chair and talk to me," Lisbon said, somewhat woozily. Van Pelt figured the IV in her arm was attached to her treatment, and they must have already started. She grabbed a wooden chair from across the room and pulled it up beside Lisbon. But she couldn't think of anything to say. Her brain seemed to be silenced by the image of her boss, her tough, independent, headstrong boss, practically being destroyed by cancer. "How are things with you and O'Loughlin?"

"They're... they're great." Van Pelt didn't answer honestly, for if she were to, she would definitely not have _that_ answer. Things were not great between her and O'Laughlin, but she would spare her boss the drama.

"That's good, great." Lisbon smiled, her eyes closing as she did and she turned her head away. Lisbon took a deep breath. She was feeling sick. This new treatment was taking it out of her, and her body began to tremble.

"Boss, you okay?" Van Pelt spoke worriedly as she noticed her boss began to shake, "do you need me to get a nurse?" Van Pelt was standing before Lisbon could stop her.

"No.. I always shiver during treatments.. just keep talking." Lisbon summed as much as she could of a smile and Van Pelt did her best to continue the conversation.

Eventually Lisbon nodded off to sleep, and Van Pelt took out her phone and texted Rigsby. Grace couldn't help the fear that had planted itself in her chest. The worry for her boss that engulfed her mind. The pain that soon absorbed her entire being, over the thought that they could be losing someone that meant so much to each of them. That Lisbon may not get to have the life they all had the privilege of having. That soon, Lisbon would be gone.


	15. Chapter 15

_Surprise! I'm back already. Let's consider this a gift for the holidays. ;) This chapter was very easy to write, and I did almost all of it in a car last night. I really hope you all like it. And I want to take a quick moment to thank my friend Bryan for proof reading this chapter, and for all of his kind words about this fic! Thank you to , eblonde, Ketatha, Juliette101, Flowerfaires, Im A WarriorGirl, jisbonshipperat-heart, Babi Baker, and wantingmore for your reviews, and thank you to all of the new people who either favorited or followed the story! Your interested means more to me than you could possibly know. I also want to thank you all for your kind words about my cousin. I really appreciate it. So, I hope you all enjoy chapter 15! Please review and let me know what you thought of it._

Disclaimer: Still don't own it.

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Chapter 15

The clock on the kitchen wall was ticking monotonously as the young Teresa walked through the door. The house was quiet. She had just gotten back from walking Danny to his friend's house for the night, and Michael was still at his daycare. She wasn't completely sure where Tommy was, but she didn't keep track on him like she did the other two. He was almost 13; she didn't have to worry about him as much as she used to.

It was 3 in the afternoon. Their father was supposed to be at work, but Teresa knew she couldn't be too careful when it came to him and quickly surveyed the house for signs of his presence. None. She took an unconscious sigh of relief and relaxed, continuing with her backpack up the stairs. Passing her father's room, she continued down the hall towards her own, but stopped at a muffled sound coming from her brothers' room. She laid her backpack on the floor of the hallway and walked to the doorway, finding Tommy sitting on his bed, facing away from the door.

"Tommy?" Teresa knocked on the wall beside the doorframe, "What are you doing home?" She didn't get an answer, and stepped farther into the room, "Tommy?"

Tommy sniffled and wiped his nose with the sleeve of his shirt. "Go away."

"Tommy what's wrong?" Teresa sat on the bed, opposite of Tommy.

"Nothing's wrong." He snapped, wiping hastily at his eyes. It broke Teresa's heart to see her brother so sad, and it hurt even more that she didn't know what the cause of his distress was. Tommy had always been hard to get through to, it had always been difficult to get past his well structured walls he had built to protect himself.

"Tommy it has to be something. Did something happen at school? Have you been having problems with those boys again?" Teresa saw him wince at the mention of the boys at school. They'd been making fun of him, calling him a wuss and making fun of the way Teresa acted as his mother. Once they had even followed them home, sticks in the hands of two of them, and a knife in the hand of the other. Tommy had told Teresa, but made her promise that she wouldn't tell anyone, because he knew their father would take it out on him if he heard, no matter who's fault it was. Teresa had promised, but it caused her to constantly worry about her brother's safety.

"No, nothing happened at school, it wasn't anything!" He yelled, shoving away the hand that had moved to comfort him.

Teresa's eyes welled up with tears. "Thomas Lisbon you are going to tell me what is going on _right now_." She said sternly, using her best impression of their mother she could muster. It only seemed to make Tommy's tears come harder. He buried his head in his arms and turned away from her. And then it clicked. This was about their mother. "Oh Tommy." Teresa shifted on the bed, moving closer to her brother and, despite his attempts of resisting, wrapped her arms around him. He sobbed into her shoulder.

"I just miss her so much." She heard him say into her shirt.

"I know, I do too." She stroked his hair, doing her best to sooth him and keep her own tears away.

Tommy pulled back and looked at her. "And I _hate_ him." There was no need to identify 'him,' she knew who he was talking about. But she just nodded and pulled him in again. He continued to cry, but she could feel the tension leave his shoulders. She knew the benefits of crying, she knew how much better a person felt after a good cry, but she couldn't do that. Not in front of him. She needed to be strong for Tommy. She'd have plenty of time to cry later that night, curled up in bed, long after everyone else in the house was asleep. Right when the realization of how alone she was kicked in. Right when she realized that everyone's lives in that house depended on her. Even her father's.

oOo

_The best part about all of this time off from work_; Lisbon thought to herself as she covered herself more with her blanket, _I get to catch up on all of this reading_. Lisbon flipped the page of her latest book, _Catcher in the Rye_. She had supposedly read it in high school, according to her English teacher, at least. Lisbon hadn't had much time to read books in high school, between her numerous jobs and taking care of her brothers. But lately, Lisbon had been thinking about it, and she figured there must have been a reason students were required to read these certain books in school. Some life lesson must have been learned; something more than just knowing the difference between the Transcendentalism period and the Romanticism period in the history of literature (what was that again?).

Lisbon had devoured _The Scarlet Letter_ and _Animal Farm_, and had, surprisingly to even herself, sobbed her way through the end of _Of Mice and Men_. Lisbon chalked her newfound emotional roller-coaster down to the new medications she was on. Or maybe the _amount_ of medications she was on had more to do with it.

Lisbon flipped to the first page of the eighth chapter when she heard the doorbell ring. She let it ring twice more before she pushed the blanket off of herself and set her book beside her. Lisbon stood, slowly, because at this point she couldn't do much quickly, and walked to her door, not even bothering to look through her peephole before opening it.

Jane walked through, arms full of groceries, and began to talk as if continuing a conversation they'd been having already.

"I couldn't find the type of yogurt you said you wanted, but I think I got everything else on the list." Jane said as he set the bags onto the counter. Lisbon shut the door and joined him in the kitchen, sitting at the table and watching him unpack the bags. It wasn't surprising, after all the time he'd spent there lately, but Lisbon couldn't help but find it somewhat weird that Jane knew exactly where everything in her kitchen was. She watched him move from drawer to cabinet to certain areas of the fridge. He moved without hesitation. If anyone from work had been witnessing this, they would only have more evidence toward Lisbon and Jane's "affair."

"I was thinking-" Jane continued, moving and putting the empty plastic bags in their place under the sink, "that tonight we could watch the season finale of Castle. Then we'd almost be caught up." Lisbon straightened the bandana she was wearing on her head; her hair was falling out again and she hadn't had time to go get it shaved yet. "I wonder if Castle and Beckett will finally get together. I mean, you work with someone that long, spend all that time with them, certain feelings have to develop, right?" Jane spoke absently, doing miscellaneous tasks around the kitchen.

"Jane, I don't think you should stay tonight." Lisbon said bluntly. Jane paused and turned to look at her.

"What?" Lisbon could hear the hurt in his voice; he wiped his hands dry on his pants and walked to the table.

"I don't think you should stay here tonight. I'm feeling all right today, and there's really no point for you to stay." She didn't mean for it to come out like that; she didn't mean that the only point to him staying was to take care of her-or did she? No, she enjoyed his company. But, wouldn't that mean that they had a relationship developing? Lisbon shook her head of the thoughts; she was beginning to confuse even herself.

"You... you don't want me to stay?" Lisbon could tell Jane was having trouble hiding the hurt from his face, but she didn't blame him.

"I just don't think it's a good idea. I mean, people at work, they're starting to talk about us." Lisbon hinted at their alleged relationship. There was nothing Lisbon hated more than rumors being spread about her. And if these rumors got to her boss? Who knows what would happen to her career.

"Are you sure, Lisbon? You haven't been doing very well over the past few days, and you get worse at night." Jane took a seat beside her.

"Yes, I'm sure. I can take care of myself, Jane. I don't _need_ you." She wasn't a child. Sure there were times that she was not able to do everything by herself, but now wasn't one of those times. She didn't need him every moment. And she was beginning to be offended by the idea that she did.

"Sure you don't Lisbon," Jane was beginning to let his hurt get the better of him, "that's why I've been bringing you into the bathroom, and why I've been spoon feeding you, and helping you get dressed. You don't _need_ me."

Lisbon felt her hands tingle with anger. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks and her heart begin to race. How _dare_ he. When Lisbon didn't reply, Jane stood, forcibly pushing his chair back and removing himself from the kitchen. Lisbon didn't turn to look at him, but heard him make his way up the stairs and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Lisbon put her head in her hands. She had hurt him. She didn't mean for that to be the way this conversation went. She didn't want to make him feel unwanted. But, she didn't want to give further ammunition to the gossips at the CBI.

She heard the bathroom door being slammed a few times, the closet being pushed open and closed. She knew he was packing this things. She took a few minutes to cool down, herself, before standing and going up the stairs. She knocked on the door and then opened it, to find Jane throwing things into his bags.

"You have to understand where I'm coming from." Lisbon semi-pleaded. She didn't want Jane to be hurt; she didn't want to be the cause of pain to someone who did so much for her, who _meant_ so much to her.

Jane stopped and took a breath, refusing to look up, but speaking in a reasonable tone of voice. "I do."

"It's not forever. I just can't have those rumors to worry about, on top of everything else." Lisbon continued, walking farther into the room and sitting on the bed. Jane sat beside her, looking down at one of the shirts he had been packing, still in his hands. He didn't reply, and Lisbon placed her hand on his knee. "I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate everything you do for me, because I do, I really do. But, I think I need a night to prove to myself that I can still take care of myself. I've been it since I was 13. Taking care of myself and my brothers. I don't want to forget that." _I can't let myself forget that I am _strong_._

"I understand." Jane said, standing and finishing packing his bag. He zipped it, kissed Lisbon on the forehead, and left without another word. Lisbon was still sitting on the bed when she heard her front door close. She wiped at a stray tear that had fallen and stood up, remembering all of the new groceries. She had yet to eat lunch, and food was sounding awfully good to her right now.

oOo

The decorative clock on her living room wall chimed twice, signifying to Lisbon that she was now up five hours past the time she wanted to go to sleep. About an hour before, Lisbon had given up trying to get to sleep in her bed and decided to try her luck on the couch in her living room. She had been tossing and turning ever since, and the thunder outside her window was not making it any easier.

Lisbon eventually sat up, switching the lamp beside her on and grabbing _Catcher in the Rye_ off of the coffee table. The flow of rain on the roof of her building was calming; that calm only broken every few minutes by a clap of thunder and flash of lighting. Lisbon was deep into the plot of the book when the door bell all but gave her a heart attack. Lisbon glanced at the clock. 2:34 am. Who would be at her door at 2:34 am? Lisbon stood and put on her bathrobe, fastening her bandana around her head. She quickly walked to the door and looked through the peephole, opening the door as soon as her mind registered what she saw.

"Abbey!" Lisbon exclaimed worriedly as the nurse pushed her soaking wet hair off of her face, revealing her bloodshot, teary eyes. "You're soaking wet, come in!" Lisbon pulled her friend into her home, pulling off her jacket and hat as she did so. Abbey began to sob and Lisbon took her bathrobe off of herself and wrapped it around the shivering nurse.

"Abbey what is wrong?" Lisbon's heart raced at the possible events that could have Abbey this distraught.

"It's Drew! I got a call, I got a call from, from some guy, I don't even remember his name-" Abbey stammered, and Lisbon wrapped her arm around her friend and led her to the couch.

"Shhhh... now explain to me what happened." Lisbon said, sitting Abbey down on the couch and grabbing a newly cleaned towel from off of the laundry that she had meant to fold that day. She sat beside Abbey on the couch and began to dry her hair. The last thing they needed was for Abbey to get sick.

"I got a call from the army. They said-" Abbey's sobbing interrupted her story, and Lisbon moved the towel to the side for now. What ever Abbey was trying to tell her, it wasn't good. "they said that Drew was shot and killed today. He's gone, Teresa, Drew is gone!" Abbey fell into Teresa's arms and sobbed. Lisbon's breaths became shallow with the devastating news. She had never met Drew, but she knew how much he had meant to Abbey. She knew how much Abbey had loved him and how excited she was to begin her life with him. She knew Abbey's heart must have been shattered when she first received the news, and she knew that Abbey would not recover from this for a very, very long time.

But for now, Teresa held her friend. Abbey needed her, just like Lisbon had needed Abbey. And she was going to be here for her. She comforted her friend, rocking her back and forth, telling her that everything was going to be all right. Lisbon thought, this must be how Abbey felt. Knowing the other person needed to hear that everything was going to be okay, even if you yourself were not sure how things would turn out. After about ten minutes, when Abbey was slightly coherent, Lisbon took her upstairs to get her out of her wet clothes and into a pair of her pajamas. She then put her in her bed and got in beside her. Abbey grabbed Lisbon's hand as she drifted to sleep, clearly exhausted by the day's turn of events. Lisbon couldn't sleep, but instead laid there, staring at her friend. She wished she could do something to take away Abbey's pain, in the way she figured everyone probably felt about her. She wished they didn't feel that way, but now that she was experiencing the situation as an outsider, she understood better how her friend's were feeling.

Every now and then, Abbey would wake suddenly, the fear bottled up inside of her causing her brain to jump into action, and Lisbon would talk her down, and calm her back into a deep sleep. Eventually, Lisbon's own exhaustion got the better of her and she fell asleep as well, still holding onto her friend's hand. Lisbon realized now how much she had been relying on Abbey. Lisbon was now, somewhat selfishly, glad she could return the favor.


End file.
